[HelpinHere]

First off, so you don't have to ask, I'm a senior in high school.
Sorry in advance that this is long, but also thanks in advance if you take the time to read it and give any advice.

About two years ago, I was in love with a girl named Janelle. Apparently, she loved me too. Neither of us knew it about each other until the end of our sophomore year. We never ended up going out, but long story short, a couple of embarrassing moments later, she moved across the country. (Which is why we never went out) I never did get over her, and I still think I love her.

This year, I really liked this girl named Dory. We were kinda-sorta going out, but she left me for another guy. (That pissed me off... ) They broke up, and she says she regrets not going out with me. She actually said "you are nicer than any of my boyfriends ever were" (or something like that, can't remember exactly) and she wished that she would have picked me. I basically came to the assumption that the conflict center in her life was with her boyfriends. In the end, I decided that I couldn't be with her until we found a way to make it work without the drama.

After that crap with Dory, I decided I didn't want to have a girlfriend, and maybe we could come to something to be together. However, I couldn't just sit around and wait, so I decided to re-introduce myself to my social life.

Today, after PT practice, we were hanging out at Aidin's house. (Her name is pronounced like "Idene.") For some reason, I was pissed at Dory, and we (Aidin and myself) started flirting. One thing led to another, and we headed up to her room. We got on one side of her bed, and Elizabeth and Veatrice were on the other side. (It's a big bed) I'm not going to go into all of the details, but to put it bluntly, we basically had a four-hour makeout session.

It started to get heated. Part of me wanted it to become sex (the penis part) and part of me didn't (the brain part). In the end, the brain won, but it came pretty darn close. If I would have let it, I know it would have ended badly (as in the loss of my virginity). The fact is that Elizabeth is Dory's best friend, and maybe that helped influence my actions. (Exactly how I couldn't say) But I know that Elizabeth cannot be there the whole time.

The whole time in the background, I was thinking of Dory, and even deeper Janelle. (In case you were wondering why I put that part about her in there earlier.) I cannot remember specifically thinking of her, but as soon as I got home I myspace-d her a shorter version of this, basically turning to the one person I still care about the most...

I'm just confused, and I'm screwing my life up with this crap. (Before all this happened, I had a 4.16 GPA) I don't know if I can control/protect myself much longer, and anything I can be told to help me I wish I knew.

Whether I agree with what you have to say, I appreciate everyone's input, and once again, thanks for reading this and replying...

*insert awkward silence here*

[godsbabygirl267]

I see your internal conflict here, but I honestly don't know what you are asking. Please give a specific question or at least a general one. Thanks so much.

[HelpinHere]

Sorry, I guess that wasn't clear...
My question(s) is:
How do I know which girl I should be with/try to be with?
Janelle I've all but totally given up on
I like Dory a lot, but she has problems I don't think I could get over (like I don't have problems, :P)
And Aidin... well, I think I screwed that whole thing up, but I still like her...

I know since no one here knows them they can't tell me which to pick, but how do I know which to pick, or what to do? (As in maybe forget about girls now and go back to focusing on school/etc.)
Or also if I should be hating myself as much as I do right now for getting into all of this crap. (7.5/10 of self-loathing)

PS: Sorry for not actually asking a question, and thanks for pointing that out.

[godsbabygirl267]

First off, you should definitely not hate yourself for liking multiple people at a time. It's human nature to explore our choices. With Janelle, you said she moved very far away didn't you? That relationship would be very hard to continue for the sheer fact that it's long distance. What kind of problems does Dory have that you can't get over? (i.e. raging alcoholic or perhaps too clingy?) And how did you screw up the thing with Aidin? I don't think I completely understand the situation. You do what you have to to feel right in yourself, if that makes sense. If life was as easy as just forgetting about girls to focus on school that would be wonderful, but it's not so that option is pretty much out. I honestly can't answer this question any more thoroughly, and neither can anybody else except for you. You alone know yourself. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.

Good Luck!