[PatBateman]

First off, some of you may remember that my girlfriend and I split about 2 months ago and things are actually going well with that. No contact works wonders, though I still miss her from time to time.

So anyway, there's this girl I'm interested in. She's actually a friend of my friend's, and they hooked up before so it's going to be sloppy seconds, but whatever... she's a nice girl, and I like her... haha... I'm willing to look past this fact... lol.

The first time I met her was when me and my buddy went and helped her move her mattress and stuff into her new apartment. Since hooking up with her, my buddy finds this girl to be annoying and wants nothing to do with her but be a friend. So I end up talking to this girl and we hit it off... lots in common, I like her personality, the whole nine yards. Good stuff.

Then, this past weekend, I met her again. Me and my friend (same guy) went out with this other girl and this other guy, and the girl I like met up with us later on that night, so it was me, my friend, this other guy, and 2 girls. We had a beer each (so nobody was drunk) and went on the dance floor where we were dancing as a group and eventually me and this girl start dancing.

Now, I'm not a big club guy, so I don't know if this is normal, but she was pretty much all over me. We started giving each other some space, but then we moved in closer, she was feeling on my butt, my back, arms, chest, and she kind of snuggled her head into me. I had my head down by her neck too. At one point we kind of made eye contact while our foreheads touched and I asked her if she was having a good time and she says yeah. She's moving her hands all over me and so am I on her, really feeling it.

I was afraid to kiss or whatever because I didn't want it to blow up in my face in front of friends. But she didn't dance with anyone else and stayed with me the whole night.

Is there something here? Or am I just being too hopeful/naive?

[Krs]

Be hopeful :D this sounds good.

Im female and from personal experience I wouldn't dance with I guy the way she did if I didn't fancy him 1 bit.

When I first meet my hubby that's how it started in clubs, we would dance so close together, and I wouldn't dance with any other guy and vice-versa.
He was scared to kiss me for the same reasons you gave (so he tells me now hehe) and even I was scared to do so for exactly the same reason. No one likes to be rejected and ESP in front of people and friends.

I would count this as a good start, go with flow BUT don't rush. When the right time comes to try kiss you WILL know it :)

Good Luck.

[starryeyed]

If you were with your friend, and your friend ditched her, and she's all over you, in front of him... Well, I guess be optimistic - but maybe she's trying make a point?

[PatBateman]

If you were with your friend, and your friend ditched her, and she's all over you, in front of him... Well, I guess be optimistic - but maybe she's trying make a point?

Well, here is where it gets a bit complicated. See, the girl who I like just hooked up with my friend randomly one night when they were both drunk. No attraction there whatsoever. Furthermore, this girl set my buddy up with a girlfriend of hers, who was the second girl with us that night. Kind of confusing, but no, I doubt the girl I liked was trying to make my friend jealous.

Maybe she's just really touchy?

[ilovcali]

Don't analyze this so much. Go with the flow. If she doesn't like you, so what, you've only hung out thrice. If she does, awesome.

If you think too much, analyze so much, this early on, you'll blow it. Honestly, caution should only come if there is some major flag. This sounds pretty good. Also, GOING SLOW does not equal OVERANALYZE everything. Girls do that, much better than guys. So don't try it.

GO WITH THE FLOW!

[Skell]

Well it definitely seems like there is some interest there.

Im also glad that your feeling better.

But Pat, your still only 2 months out of a 6 year relationship. I know at this stage you are only dancing and having a good time. That's good. But Keep it that way.

Having been dumped by my 7 year girlfriend about 5 motnhs ago I know that after 2 months there was no way I could get into too much with another girl.. NO WAY!

Even now I don't really feel like it. Yeah sure after 2 months I was dancing and stuff with other girls and having a bit of fun, but never anything more.

I would really advice against going after this girl as far as looking for a relationshiop with her right now.

You need time to grieve.. let your emotion cal down. Work on yourself etc...

Sorry to bring all this up as I know it wasn't your question. But I just remember your first post and you were struggling a lot with your ex. Which is fair enough considering you were with her for 6 years.

For you to go after this new girl now I'm pretty sure it would just be some rebound thing that would end messy and you will end up back at square one.

So go with the flow here but also go REAL SLOW.

You still need time to get over your ex. I don't think 3 months after a 6 year relationship is enough.

But if it is only danicng and having a good time and both parties know and understand that then that's OK! As long as that is all it is and she knows it as well!

[PatBateman]

Well it definitely seems like there is some interest there.

Im also glad that your feeling better.

But Pat, your still only 2 months out of a 6 year relationship. I know at this stage you are only dancing and having a good time. Thats good. but Keep it that way.

Having been dumped by my 7 year gf about 5 motnhs ago i know that after 2 months there was no way i could get into too much with another girl.. NO WAY!!

Even now i dont really feel like it. Yeah sure after 2 months i was dancing and stuff with other girls and having a bit of fun, but never anything more.

I would really advice against going after this girl as far as looking for a relationshiop with her right now.

You need time to grieve.. let your emotion cal down. work on yourself etc....

Sorry to bring all this up as i know it wasnt your question. But i just remember your first post and you were struggling alot with your ex. Which is fair enough considering you were with her for 6 years.

For you to go after this new girl now im pretty sure it would just be some rebound thing that would end messy and you will end up back at square one.

So go with the flow here but also go REAL SLOW.

you still need time to get over your ex. I dont think 3 months after a 6 year relationship is enough.

But if it is only danicng and having a good time and both parties know and understand that then thats ok! as long as that is all it is and she knows it as well!

I know I overanalyze things WAY too much. Obsessively so. And that's why I'm posting my weird thoughts online, so people in real life won't look at me and think I'm a girl in disguise... lol. :)

Yeah, I'm not looking for a relationship with this girl. Nor was I with that other girl I met 2 weeks ago. By the way, I stopped talking to that other girl. After a few conversations, I wasn't attracted anymore... lol... wasn't much "up there"... haha.

This new girl though, she's a bit more interesting. More brains, more perk, more personality... good stuff. If anything, I'd like to go on a few dates or whatever, just let her know somehow that I'm interested, and not just the asexual guy that visits my buddy in the city every weekend.

The question is how to play this right. Yes, go slow of course, but how should I do it.. What does feel it out mean? Like, next time we are dancing close or whatever, make eye contact and just go in for a kiss?

[ilovcali]

Remember, RELATIONSHIPS are serious, sometimes good, sometimes bad. DATING is fun. You're DATING now. Have fun. Let her ask the questions about where things are going. She will. If you guys date for awhile, she will. At that time, you must be honest and tell her about your baggage, if she already doesn't know.

Right now, you're dating, kiss, have fun, DON'T BE TOO SERIOUS. Don't think too much. HAVE FUN. She sounds like she's just having fun too. Enjoy it.

[Skell]

Just be fun, Be yourself, make her laugh. Smile.

This should be completely fun.

Go in for the kiss. If she pulls away who cares. Just laugh! No loss to you. There are heaps of girls that would die for a kiss with you.

You're the MAN. Play it cool, be fun and I'm sure everything will go good.

Just don't think too much and watch not to get caught up in it all and then the next thing your in a relationship that you can't control or slow down.

Now that would end badly for sure! And it isn't fun as you know!

[Amythest]

Hmm... I have to laugh. But, while dating and going slow, just make sure you don't hurt this chic. I'd say teach her something. That is what has always made me like a guy. If a guy can teach me something, cool or useful, make her feel smart, some girls are smart and know it, many don't. Keep her laughing, but not obviously so, obvious trying too hard guys can be cute for a moment but grow old fast. When in doubt wait it out, go slow... when a guy moves too fast, I think he is just about sex and doesn't care about me, but if you move too slow I think He isn't attracted to me. Don't wait 3 days to call. Call when you say you will call. If you say I'll call you tomorrow, then call tomorrow. IF you say soon, then call soon. There is nothing more irritating than when a guy doesn't call when he says he will. A lot of chiks (blame the media) have poorer self esteem than we may always let on. Move slow, take your time, have fun. Maybe don't go for a make out kiss? Maybe a simple kiss on the lips, then wait for her to respond. IF you do this too soon you will probably freak her out. (if she is like me).
Don't panic. This sounds good so far. Just be careful, move cautiously, and go with the flow.

[talaniman]

Given your history the worst thing you could do is jump into a serious relationship. Dating is for fun and seeing if the two of you are a good fit. Most of all fun,which means enjoying going and doing things you like. Why is she the only one your dating? Do I see You obsessing over her in a couple of weeks or can you take it as it comes?

[PatBateman]

I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. I don't think suggested that I was...

Anyway, I'm not even dating this girl. I basically met her once, met her twice, and on the second time, we danced and got kind of close and I was just wondering if it meant anything or if it was just dancing. That's all I wanted to know.

If it's more than "just dancing" I'd like to know what I should do to make a move and turn this into fun, carefree dating. That's what I need advice on.

But I understand all of your concerns, and agree 100%. There is no way in hell I'm getting into a relationship anytime soon. Probably not for a year... lol.

[talaniman]

Make sure you stay in control and set the pace be fun but stay honest. Not good to lead a good girl on.

[chuff]

I know I overanalyze things WAY too much. Obsessively so. And that's why I'm posting my wierd thoughts online, so people in real life won't look at me and think I'm a girl in disguise...lol. :)
?

Ha! I'm so emotional that I've often wondered if my brain was supposed to be programmed to be a woman's and I was a guy in disquise.

[PatBateman]

A little update...

So last night, I was sitting online, and all of a sudden I get an IM from this girl. Only reason why I knew it was her was because I've seen her screen name in her Facebook profile, and I guess she saw my screen name in my profile. So she decided to randomly IM me... good thing I guess right, since she's initiating conversation...

We talk about random stuff, our career goals, her friends back in California, etc, and I ask her what she's doing tomorrow night, and it turns out that both of us had made plans to go to this girl's housewarming party. So I suppose I'm seeing this girl tonight and see where it goes from here.

I think this is good... right?

BTW, the other girl I met (the one I met in the club) asked me to go over her dorm tomorrow night to drink and watch movies and she asked me if I wanted to sleep over but I turned it down and said let's just keep it to the bar/club scene for now so we can get to know each other better. I guess we'll see where that one goes too.

Some of you may think I'm doing very well, and in some ways I guess I am, having TWO girls that I can "work on" at the same time. But I will say that I've never felt more guilty and just downright depressed in my entire life. It's messed up.

[talaniman]

Dude you have to get over that guilt/depression stuff by way of a doctor or FUN, I mean there are some that would kill for your life. Shake it up man.

[PatBateman]

Dude you have to get over that guilt/depression stuff by way of a doctor or FUN, I mean there are some that would kill for your life. Shake it up man.

I will try to relax and have fun tonight. This is all just very new to me. Before I met my girlfriend, I was very shy and introverted. She kind of brought me out of my shell a bit, but still, I am a little behind socially. I don't look that bad, since I workout and stuff, and I can be funny when I'm around people I know, so I guess I don't have a problem attracting girls... but keeping them interested... that's another story.

I'm a guy who has the body of a 22 year old (which I am 22 btw), but with the social and dating skills of a 16 year old...

[talaniman]

May I suggest less party more constructive activity. I know 22 is that age but volunteering for something worth while will boost the self-esteem 100 notches and I don't know your personal habits but alcohol IS a depressant. Balance your life and see if you feel better, you know a different crowd, places. And stop worrying everything will come together.

[valinors_sorrow]

I know I overanalyze things WAY too much. Obsessively so. And that's why I'm posting my wierd thoughts online, so people in real life won't look at me and think I'm a girl in disguise...lol. :)

Yeah, I'm not looking for a relationship with this girl. Nor was I with that other girl I met 2 weeks ago. By the way, I stopped talking to that other girl. After a few conversations, I wasn't attracted anymore...lol...wasn't much "up there"...haha.

This new girl though, she's a bit more interesting. More brains, more perk, more personality...good stuff. If anything, I'd like to go on a few dates or whatever, just let her know somehow that I'm interested, and not just the asexual guy that visits my buddy in the city every weekend.

The question is how to play this right. Yes, go slow of course, but how should I do it...? What does feel it out mean? Like, next time we are dancing close or whatever, make eye contact and just go in for a kiss?

If you aren't looking to catch a fish, then why are you fishing? See, the thing is you aren't right with you, and until you are right with you, you won't be right with someone else. And someone else can't make you right either. It really is just that simple. And all the over analyzing, sifting through the soap opera and acquiring dating techniques in the world isn't going to change you either... and I would be willing to bet some part of you knows it too when you stop running from yourself long enough to listen. You lost a long term relationship and you still need to find out why. It is important to know what your part in it was.

In the period of grieving that follows that loss, you have a goldren opportunity to do some really honest soul searching. This time is an invitation to learn some things about yourself and the world and catch up that 16 year old on some very important things. So that when you do return to the land of the dating, you are more whole, more healed and in better shape than before. Or you can ignore all this, look to distract yourself to avoid any of this process, learn nothing and take into the next real relationship all this unfinished business. Your choice.

[talaniman]

Excellent advice Val, I think you deserve at least a hundred greenies for that but I can only applaud---clapity clap clap. The gent could do well to heed every word you said.