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I wish · Mar 31, 2009, 06:35 AM

When I was with my ex, she would ask me: "What if you find someone better? Are you going to dump me for her?"

How was I suppose to answer that? I usually said: "No comment" or "Well, I'm happy with you"

What a trap question. I still don't know what the answer should be.

starlite1 · Mar 31, 2009, 06:39 AM

Hi Wish,

LOL! It's not really a trap question. I am a 39 year old woman, and I find myself asking my boyfriend that question now and again. From my own words, if I ask that question, I am looking for an honest answer, and also when I ask, I know I am having an insecure moment, I'll admit. I just want to make sure I am pretty enough, good enough, etc for him, and by asking that I am looking to make sure he is truly happy with me.

kctiger · Mar 31, 2009, 06:40 AM

It is a stupid question. Being in love means that you are devoted to that person. There is no "better." Unless you think the grass is greener, in which case your love isn't that strong. Seriously, put it in perspective. I saw a ton of girls that I though may have been as attractive, or even more, than my ex. Did that make them better? NO! You cannot tell if someone is "better" just by looking at them, or even knowing them. Until you are in a relationship, you don't know PERIOD what you are getting in to!

Insecurity leads to all sorts of stupid questions, that being one of them. I hate that stuff! It is all about comforting them and letting them know you are in it for the long haul. If they can't handle that, then screw 'em. My advice, and this is about as sappy as I get... when they ask that, just pull them in as close as you can, hug them, and give them a kiss on the forehead...

All right, enough of that!

artlady · Mar 31, 2009, 06:50 AM

What does *better* even mean ?

She was looking for a declaration of your love and devotion and being insecure.

slapshot_oi · Mar 31, 2009, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

When I was with my ex, she would ask me: "What if you find someone better? Are you going to dump me for her?"

How was I suppose to answer that? I usually said: "No comment" or "Well, I'm happy with you"

What a trap question. I still don't know what the answer should be.

Don't have to answer it, it's self-loathing.

artlady · Mar 31, 2009, 06:52 AM

Hay KC

Can't rep you but AWWW that is so sweet and it would work on me like a charm ;)

I wish · Mar 31, 2009, 07:06 AM

At first, I thought maybe she was looking for a consistent answer? If we change answers, then we could change girls?

I'm liking the responses so far. So I'm not the only one who finds this question a bit ridiculous!

kctiger · Mar 31, 2009, 07:08 AM

If I started a thread about the ridiculous questions I was asked by my ex, we would set records. It is what it is. Sometimes, to be the man, you just have to be the man... hold, comfort, and be warm.

UnluckyDucky · Mar 31, 2009, 07:14 AM

When I was with my ex, she would ask me: "What if you find someone better? Are you going to dump me for her?"

How was I suppose to answer that? I usually said: "No comment" or "Well, I'm happy with you"

What a trap question. I still don't know what the answer should be.

Trap question? Hmmm. I never thought of questions like these as "traps". I was asked this same question by one of my ex's on a pretty consistent basis. Like others have stated here, that question typically stems from insecurity from within. My typical response was a playful "Yup I am so you better work harder at keeping me happy" or "Of course I am, and you're going to help me find that girl right?". She'd give me an elbow to the ribs but she got the point - she knew I was with her for a reason.

jmw0713 · Mar 31, 2009, 07:33 AM

Yea I never understood questions like that. I would tell her every time that I loved her and was completely happy with her. Other times I would say things like Unlucky to get a rise out of her.

Women say this when they are feeling insecure and want someone to comfort them.

talaniman · Mar 31, 2009, 07:50 AM

Sometimes questions like that can only be answered by reassurances, and KC, your answer was perfect.

Romefalls19 · Mar 31, 2009, 07:52 AM

Never understand that question, but while we are talking about stupid questions/comments. How about this one, when my fiancé and I first started dating, she said that I deserve better. Now I'm not a rocket scientist, nor do I claim to be. But what in the blue hell does that mean. Aren't we the ones that should be the judge of that?

I wish · Mar 31, 2009, 08:04 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Never understand that question, but while we are talking about stupid questions/comments. How about this one, when my fiance and I first started dating, she said that I deserve better. Now I'm not a rocket scientist, nor do I claim to be. But what in the blue hell does that mean. Aren't we the ones that should be the judge of that?

LOL! I'm not even sure what she's trying to get at. There's two ways we can take that:

1) Positively, she really likes you and wants you to be happy... and she doesn't feel good enough for you. So she's insecure about herself, but not about how you feel about her.

2) Negatively, the more obvious one, she's testing you. For example, to see if there's another woman out there based on your response? Or if we hint that we are second guessing our decision to be with them?

...

I'm just staring at the computer trying to think of how I would respond to that...

Probably something along the lines of: "I don't feel that way at all, I think it's the reverse, I feel like I don't deserve you because you are so wonderful..."

Romefalls19 · Mar 31, 2009, 08:06 AM

I just would say, you're the one I want to be with. There is no one else, my eyes and heart are strictly with you.