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    jenvers79's Avatar
    jenvers79 Posts: 13, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 26, 2009, 04:30 PM
    What's wrong with me?
    I've been with my husband for 11 years, I feel perfectly happy and secure with him safe in the knowledge we're solid but ever since I found porn on the history of the computer I feel the need to check every time my husband goes out... it really makes me feel repulsed to the point I could slap him if he were near! (obviously I wouldn't because I'm not that way) but why does he feel the need to look when my back is turned?. is it because I've had 2 children and although I've gone back to size 10 my body isn't what it used to be! Please enlighten me.. are my feelings normal?. I know every man does it but only when I find hidden stashes it bothers me!!
    DSM521's Avatar
    DSM521 Posts: 114, Reputation: 23
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    #2

    Mar 26, 2009, 05:55 PM

    Have you asked him why he is looking at porn. There can be many reasons he is doing so. How is your sex life. Are you guys having sex as often as he would like. I can't speak for him but before my wife had our four kids she had a perfect body. To be fair to her so did I. As we age and have kids we don't always look the same. But I can truly say I think I am turned on more now be her mom body than I was by her young body. To me its not so much how things look as it is how willing and sexual she is.

    He could be looking at porn because he needs it more than you, so instead of always begging you for sex he fills in with porn. And he could be hiding it because it is not something he feels comfortable with you knowing.

    I can see were him looking at it would make you insecure but it probably has more to do with the way you feel about your body than the way he sees your body.

    Just like always communication is the key. Talk to him and try to find out why he feels the need to look at it. As a male my advise would be to handle this conversation very carefully. He will be embarrassed that you know. Let him how it makes you feel when he looks at it and be honest.

    My gut feeling is you have nothing to worry about. We men are very visual creatures. Try not to get so upset, its not as much about you as it is about him.
    kallifer's Avatar
    kallifer Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Mar 26, 2009, 06:21 PM

    Remember, a lot of times, at least with me, that time is kind of my "alone time" just a time to unwind by myself, without worrying about others.
    bronzebabe's Avatar
    bronzebabe Posts: 333, Reputation: 62
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    #4

    Mar 26, 2009, 07:26 PM

    Not all men, but a LOT of men just like looking at porn. Men are very visual creatures, and they NEVER plan on sleeping with the porn starts or the people IN the porn, it's just something to look at. No, it has Nothing to do with You...he LOVES you, find you awesome and all, but he just looks...
    very human, and normal. i hope you will stop worrying...
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #5

    Mar 27, 2009, 05:22 AM

    You really need to read the hundreds of threads on this topic...


    Guys are visual... we like seeing naked bodies... it has nothing to do with the wife or how she looks at all, period, end of story.

    You have self esteme issues and possibly even anger management issues and a little bit of controlling behaviour from what I read into your post.

    You are going to drive him away if you continue or express to him what you have said here.


    With that said after all, who does he choose to come home to? Right, that's YOU.
    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Mar 27, 2009, 10:19 AM

    j, Since you are so shaken by his viewing of porn, that suggests that you have a very low opinion of yourself... low self-esteem. Is all you have to offer sexual intercourse? Aren't there a lot of other personal characteristics that make you an outstanding person... your hobbies, your sports, your other interests?

    If you think you are falling behind in developing your personality, just start in building yourself up in different areas.

    IN addition, if you can talk to your husband without going ballistic, talk to him about your and his sexuality, porn viewing, and goals for happiness for both of you.

    Best wishes, :)
    this8384's Avatar
    this8384 Posts: 4,564, Reputation: 485
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    #7

    Mar 30, 2009, 08:16 AM
    Comment on Choux's post
    No, YOU seem to think the OP is falling behind in developing her personality. How dare you accuse her of "going ballistic" on her husband
    jenvers79's Avatar
    jenvers79 Posts: 13, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Mar 30, 2009, 01:56 PM

    Thank you guys very much for your replies.. it actually meant a lot hearing from men! We have a very healthy sex life despite children and being together 11 years we are at it 4, 5 or even more times a week.. I sometimes more than him have a high sex drive...
    I do a lot of things i.e out with friends, gym etc so don't really think that has any role to play in my feelings but thanks anyway!. I have a lot to offer other than sex by the way!
    My husband has explained to me exactly what DSM521 , Bronzebabe and smoothy has just advised me... as much as I trust him I felt quite doubtful until confirmed by others!
    I am really grateful for your views.. I will just have to turn a blind eye! I'll never like it.. I guess he always will! Heyho!
    ibrown's Avatar
    ibrown Posts: 61, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Apr 1, 2009, 11:57 PM

    Try to sit and have a talk with him or get him counsling to get to the root of the problem.Because it is unhealthy for a relationship to not have trust.
    tkrussell's Avatar
    tkrussell Posts: 9,659, Reputation: 725
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    #10

    Apr 2, 2009, 01:57 PM
    Something has occurred to me about the subject of porn I would like to mention. This may be the right place, maybe not, I will let others be the judge.

    Porn is such a often mentioned topic, here, on TV, etc. I believe simply because of the easy access offered by the internet.

    Women everywhere, nowadays, are noticing their men involved at some degree with porn, and all have some opinion or certain tolerance for the activity.

    Any one remember the good old days, when porn was still available, and looked at, but in locker rooms,bathrooms, garages, etc. All places that women did not go usually.

    Magazines such as Playboy, Hustler, and hundreds of others flourished for a reason, along with full blown (sorry no pun intended) adult book stores, anyone been to Times Square years ago, stag films and so on.

    Basically, back then, it still was going on, but the etiquette was to hide anything and everything related to porn, or as much as possible.

    How many got caught by family or others hiding porn mags in various locations in the home years ago? Anyone have a Dad that at least had a lone, well used copy of Playboy appear and disappear every once in a while? And if caught, always the answer was "I read the articles."

    Being an electrician having been hired to crawl around all hidden corners of thousands of homes, I often have found these secret stashes. Where do you think all the tradesmen and mechanics driving around got their few copies found on dashboards and tool boxes across the country?

    If it helps, men have been doing this for years, just now it so much more in the open, or discovered, all due to the Internet, acting as free porn machines, brought into every home. Not offering any opinion on the subject, just stating an observation.

    Once boys, for thousands of years till now, find the connection between of an erect penis and the affect of a naked lady, the porn industry was invented when boys figured out a picture is just as good.
    45notdaddy's Avatar
    45notdaddy Posts: 62, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Apr 2, 2009, 02:30 PM
    This is what I said in a very similar thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by 45notdaddy View Post
    Here's my take as a porn peruser in a committed relationship.
    • Yes, there are things that I would change about my girlfriend's appearance. Specifically I'd love it if she got a set of DD implants. It's not happening, and I'm good with that, as it's her body and occasionally she lets me touch it.
    • I watch porn mainly for the situations and picture myself with her performing said activity. Yes it helps if the person in the clip is attractive as it helps if I lose focus, but it all comes back to her.
    • I love my girlfriend and have no plans to run off with "Candy Dejour" (fake name don't bother) as I feel largely fuffilled by our relationship, even if I have to barter for "special" events.


    If you're disturbed with what you saw, ask him about it, if it doesn't involve pee, poo, blood, animals, or kids consider trying it, if it does.....RUN!

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