Check out some similar questions!

ashears · Mar 25, 2009, 10:58 PM

I have a three year old son and his sprem donor hasn't help at ALL( Only two cans of formula). When I found I was pregnant we split up and he said he would be there for the baby. So In the mist of the split up I met my fiancé. I was about 8 week at the time. When I had the baby the sprem donor sign the birth certificate( my son has his lst name). But that it he doesn't help at all I have not talk to him in almost two years(the donor does not pay child support). My fiancé takes care of my little boy,( my son calls him daddy as well). My son stared preschool a couple of month age and he is using my fiancé last name. We have a daughter now and she has his last name. We really want to change my son last name as well. Then I finally go incontact with the donor and as him if he would sign over all his right he told he would have to think about. I have not heard from him in six month. Is it wrong that I ask him sign over his right? What is the next step I can take to change his last name?

stevetcg · Mar 26, 2009, 04:22 AM

He cannot just sign over all rights unless you get married and your husband adopts your child.

As for changing his last name, the legal father will have to give his consent.

Why is he not paying support? He should be.

ScottGem · Mar 26, 2009, 05:35 AM

You don't just want to change your son's name, you want your fiancée to adopt him.

So what you do is find a Family Law attorney to prepare the adoiption petition. The attorney can tell you what the requirements are for your fiancée to adopt (this could require that you get married). The adoption petition will include a termination of the "sperm donor's" rights.

No its not wrong for you to want to do this. What was wrong was for you to let the sperm donor off the hook for support. You should have pursued support through the courts.

Synnen · Mar 26, 2009, 05:52 AM

ARRRRRRGHH!

He is NOT a "sperm donor". He may not be involved, but he's STILL the child's biological father.

And if he doesn't want to sign over his rights, or doesn't consent to changing the child's last name, there's not a lot you can do.

How about getting child support set up through the courts, though? That's a good place to start to MAKE him be involved in his child's life.

ANB428 · Mar 26, 2009, 06:13 AM

There are some steps that you can take to have your fiancé adopt your son after you are married. I think that if he has abandoned the child, which it sounds like he has, then you can post an ad in the paper for an allotted amount of time and if you don't get a response then you can get his rights revoked to provide a way for adoption. I am not sure the exact process and what states that applies in. But, my daughter's grandfather had that done to him with his first son when he lived in California. This was also about 23 years ago though, so I am sure that the process has changed a little, but you can do something about it if he has abandoned the child. Now, if he responds to the newspaper ad, then I think there will be problems. You need to talk to a lawyer about what I just said because I am not sure if it is correct information or not. My daughter's grandfather was telling me that so I could file for abandonment against his son. And like everyone else said, you need to go after him for child support. But, if he pays the child support then you can't file for abandonment. And I call my daughter's biofather a sperm donor too because he is worthless and that is all that he has ever contributed to my child.

ashears · Mar 26, 2009, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by ashears

I have a three year old son and his sprem donor hasn't help at ALL( Only two cans of formula). When I found I was pregant we split up and he said he would be there for the baby. So In the mist of the split up I met my fiance. I was about 8 week at the time. When I had the baby the sprem donor sign the birth certificate( my son has his lst name). But that it he dosnt help at all I have not talk to him in almost two years(the donor does not pay child support). My fiance takes care of my little boy,( my son calls him daddy as well). My son stared preschool a couple of month age and he is using my fiance last name. We have a daughter now and she has his last name. We really want to change my son last name as well. Then I finally go incontact with the donor and as him if he would sign over all his right he told he would have to think about. I have not heard from him in six month. Is it wrong that i ask him sign over his right? What is the next step i can take to change his last name?

The resaon he is not paying child support is because at some point my fiancé is going to adaptation him. I don't want him to started paying and make it hard for me to change his name. And plus he doesn't want to be brought and with my son it seem like to me.( because he knows where wer live and he had my phone number) I feel like he need to reach out.

Synnen · Mar 26, 2009, 07:21 AM

If you have contact with him, you cannot file using abandonment.

You also cannot deliberately HIDE your son from his biological father. That will look VERY bad on your part for any court case.

It's too bad you feel that way about child support. Many times, a biological parent will be more willing to sign away parental rights for an adoption if they know that child support will stop when it happens.

ANB248--As for he sperm donor comment--was that all he was when you were having sex with him too? He was good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be called a biological father, hmmm? Sounds like you have anger issues--you should really get counseling for that. Some day, you child IS going to want to meet their biological parent. Probably better in the long run if you don't badmouth that person to your child (or anyone else--children hear a lot that you don't think they do).

stevetcg · Mar 26, 2009, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by ANB428

There are some steps that you can take to have your fiance adopt your son after you are married. I think that if he has abandoned the child, which it sounds like he has, then you can post an ad in the paper for an allotted amount of time and if you don't get a response then you can get his rights revoked to provide a way for adoption. I am not sure the exact process and what states that applies in. But, my daughter's grandfather had that done to him with his first son when he lived in California. This was also about 23 years ago though, so I am sure that the process has changed a little, but you can do something about it if he has abandoned the child. Now, if he responds to the newspaper ad, then I think there will be problems. You need to talk to a lawyer about what I just said because I am not sure if it is correct information or not. My daughter's grandfather was telling me that so I could file for abandonment against his son. And like everyone else said, you need to go after him for child support. But, if he pays the child support then you can't file for abandonment. And I call my daughter's biofather a sperm donor too because he is worthless and that is all that he has ever contributed to my child.

What you are talking about here is called Service by Publication and it is a last ditch effort to contact someone that is legitimately disappeared. That does not seem to be the case here.

You are right about getting a lawyer.

ashears · Mar 26, 2009, 07:32 AM

We were very much in a realationship befoe I had my son. I don't have anger issue at all I just feel I need to chase him down. And like I said before I have not talk to him in like six month( the number he called from is not his number any more I have no idea where he lives or any thing). Trust me I would never talk bad about him because that's not in my nature. I hope one day this guys realize what he is missing out

ANB428 · Mar 26, 2009, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

If you have contact with him, you cannot file using abandonment.

You also cannot deliberately HIDE your son from his biological father. That will look VERY bad on your part for any court case.

It's too bad you feel that way about child support. Many times, a biological parent will be more willing to sign away parental rights for an adoption if they know that child support will stop when it happens.

ANB248--As for he sperm donor comment--was that all he was when you were having sex with him too? He was good enough to have sex with, but not good enough to be called a biological father, hmmm? Sounds like you have anger issues--you should really get counseling for that. Some day, you child IS going to want to meet their biological parent. Probably better in the long run if you don't badmouth that person to your child (or anyone else--children hear a lot that you don't think they do).

No, I wasn't just having sex with him. I was in love with him, but when I found out I was pregnant he started using meth and turned into a totally different person and beat me up my whole pregnancy. Yes, I do have a lot of anger issues dealing with him because he had a knife up to my throat while I was holding my two month old daughter and tried to kill me. And, I am going to counseling and have been for the past four years to deal with my issues. But, that doesn't change the fact that my daughter's bio father is her sperm donor. If he wanted anything to do with her then he would have tried to at least make an effort when I was trying to have him be involved in her life after I got out of the domestic violence shelter I was in and all the other times I asked him if he wanted to see her. Who ever said that I bad mouth my daughter's father to her. I never have said anything bad about him to her or around her and I never will. She will end up hating me for it and yea, hopefully one day he will get off drugs and choose to be a father and do something, but for now he will be considered her sperm donor. I hate the fact that I had a child with a loser and I have to answer her questions about where her daddy is and why she has never met him. I tell her the truth, that her daddy lives in California right now and he is sick. I have given him every opportunity to see her and he has better things to do, like hit his glass pipe. So, yea, he is her sperm donor until her can actually be a man and take care of his responsibilities. I had to grow up and be a woman and work two jobs and go to school full-time all by myself since I was 19. And, he will never be able to just walk into her life one day out of the blue. He will have to pay me all of my child support he owes me, attend a 52 week battery program and complete a drug rehab. I was willing to forgo all of that and let him be a part of her life but he would rather have his drugs.

ashears · Mar 26, 2009, 08:31 AM

Im glad someone else feel how I feel. People can't judge until they have been their and know what its like to have someone mistreat your child indirectly.

ANB428 · Mar 26, 2009, 08:55 AM

I totally understand where you are coming from. It sucks that the men can sit around and not pay child support and be a dead beat, but they still should have the right to see the child! That is crazy, we are the ones who scarfice everything to provide for our children for so many years and then one day about 7 years later the father decideds that he wants to be a part of the child's life and he wants to be a daddy. What about the all the birthday's that were missed and holidays? What about all the shed tears from the child because they have felt like they are not loved by their father since he has made no attempt to be a part of the child's life? We are just supposed to forget about how hard we have had to bust our butts to take care of our child and then just let the father walk into the child's life when your life has finally been adjusted? Yea right. When my daughter turns 15 or 16 or whatever age and she wants to meet her sperm donor, I will let her but not unsupervised. I will NEVER have my child alone with him, until after she turns 18 and I have no authority to stop her.

stevetcg · Mar 26, 2009, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by ANB428

I totally understand where you are coming from. It sucks that the men can sit around and not pay child support and be a dead beat, but they still should have the right to see the child! That is crazy, we are the ones who scarfice everything to provide for our children for so many years and then one day about 7 years later the father decideds that he wants to be a part of the child's life and he wants to be a daddy. What about the all the birthday's that were missed and holidays? What about all the shed tears from the child because they have felt like they are not loved by their father since he has made no attempt to be a part of the child's life? We are just suposed to forget about how hard we have had to bust our butts to take care of our child and then just let the father walk into the child's life when your life has finally been adjusted? Yea right. When my daughter turns 15 or 16 or whatever age and she wants to meet her sperm donor, I will let her but not unsupervised. I will NEVER have my child alone with him, until after she turns 18 and I have no authority to stop her.

Pardon my soapbox for a moment, but this is not an issue with men or dads. Its bad parents in general.

7 years ago I had to make the choice between giving my son up for adoption or raising him myself. I knew there was no way I could protect him from the woman that I generally referred to as "the redheaded devil" or "the antichrist", so I chose to give him for adoption.

It sets my teeth on edge every time someone refers to them as deadbeat dads. Its deadbeat parents.

Sorry for the soapbox. Just a pet peeve.

ScottGem · Mar 26, 2009, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by ANB428

I totally understand where you are coming from. It sucks that the men can sit around and not pay child support and be a dead beat, but they still should have the right to see the child!

As Steve notes, it happens less often, but mothers can do this too. The reason this happens is that people can change. Look at what the OP said. She was in love with the father but the event of having a child turned him to Meth. There is a possibility that he will rehab, realize his error and make amends. Obviously it will take effort to repair the damage, but it can be done. I think its just as wrong to totally shut the door on a parent who has made the mistake of turning away form their family.

Synnen · Mar 26, 2009, 09:22 AM

I chose adoption for my child.

The ONLY thing I ever did for her was to donate an egg, a womb, and sign away my parental rights.

I did it because it was best for her.

I resent ANYONE using the terms "sperm donor" and "egg donor" when there was a relationship there at one point. A sperm donor anonymously donates sperm to a sperm bank. An egg donor does the same with her eggs.

A biological parent was actually PRESENT when conception happened, whether they are present in a child's life.

Please use less offensive terms.

And whether he's involved with the child, he DOES have rights until they are terminated--either voluntarily signing them away, or having the state involutarily revoke--which is generally ONLY done when the parent is a danger to the child.

Go after him for child support if you want him gone that badly. Betcha when he has to start with parental OBLIGATIONS (and please note that parental obligations are different than parental rights) then he'll be happy to sign away his rights.

So---the blame is partly yours here, for not getting a child support order before this.

ANB428 · Mar 26, 2009, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

Pardon my soapbox for a moment, but this is not an issue with men or dads. Its bad parents in general.

7 years ago I had to make the choice between giving my son up for adoption or raising him myself. I knew there was no way I could protect him from the woman that I generally referred to as "the redheaded devil" or "the antichrist", so I chose to give him for adoption.

It sets my teeth on edge every time someone refers to them as deadbeat dads. Its deadbeat parents.

Sorry for the soapbox. Just a pet peeve.

I agree with you on that and I apologize for singling out deadbeat dads. I was mainly speaking about my situation. I wasn't meaning to single the dads out. I totally agree with on on the dead beat moms as well. My cousin is one of them and it makes me sick!