[dr_to_be]

Hey Guys,

I'd be grateful for some advice on this! Basically, I started a long distance relationship with a guy when I was 16. I'm now 21. Its not been the easiest of rides and did leave me feeling very depressed at times. I always stayed true to him although I know he hadn't as we've talked about it. He has a great sense of humour, makes me feel good about myself when he wants to but trust is a difficult thing as I do worry about whether he's off with other girls. We also love each other but at the mo, I feel like I'm not sure how I feel about him.

So after years, we are finally in a situation where we would be able to meet this summer! Something I think we were both very relieved about. But now, I've ended up in a situation that I never thought id be in. Ive just recently met a new guy and started seeing him. Im not completely sure how I feel about this new guy but he is so nice, so intelligent and has some of the qualities I wish my long distance guy did. He's receptive to what I want and cares about how I feel towards situations, whereas I feel like I have to be the one to always make the effort with the long distance guy and despite when he knows I'm feeling down, he doesn't seem to make much of an effort. Even a small email would make me a little happy but it tends to be me who has to cal a lot of the time, although I know he is bus wthlife at the moment.

Anyway, the long distance guy called me and asked why I haven't been calling for the past month-ish and if I'm seeing someone and that he loves me and doesn't seem to want to loose me. I know its wrong, but I lied and said no I'm not seeing anyone. I feel guilty.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to keep lying to these guys, especially the guy I just met. I still want to meet the long distance guy this summer so we can know what we want out of this, or whether to end it. But at the same time I don't want to tell the new guy this but I feel its wrong not to. Should I tell him I want to cool things off over the summer (as I know he will be away also) whilst I meet this other guy and see what happens?

I'm scared to break up from the long distance thing and get with this new guy in case I end up realising and regreting one day that I do truly love him and left him to move on. But this new guy is HERE for one and just a lovely person, although I can't say how I truly feel about him yet as it hasn't been that long and to be honest, I'm not completely sure. But I also don't want to put off an opportunity of being with a great guy! Im so so confused!

I don't know how I feel anymore and I hate lying! I don't want to be with 2 people at once and I don't want to lie, I would hate to be lied to by either of them! Please please help! Please!

[starlite1]

HI Dr.

I really think you should pursue the relationship with this new guy. I know you have feelings for the other guy that you are having a long distance relationship with, but remember, even though you have an oppurtunity to meet him in person, after that, he will go back to where he lives and you will still be here. You have a right to be happy with someone who is here geographically. Also, you mentioned that the long distance guy has seen other woman where you held out, and this new guy gives you more than the long distance guy. I am not telling you what to do at all, but if it were me, I would let the long distance guy go and really give this new guy a chance.

[talaniman]

The first thing would be stop lying. That's not a good thing in a relationship, old or new.

I think you have to start with being honest to them both, yes that runs the risk of losing them both, but it's a start in making a better decision, and everyone will know the truth about your feelings.

My suggestion would be to leave them both alone, until you can figure it out for yourself, as you should know what's best for you.

[neverme]

Stop trying to have your cake and eat it too.

I don't think anyone here is going to say, well I'd keep seeing 'new guy' until the summer comes around then tell him you just "want to cool things off (??)" and meet 'long distance guy', that seems totally fair to me!

NO!!!!!

It's not fair and it's immoral, you need to stop lying, stop being a child about this and make a decision.

Either you want new guy or old guy... your decision, but remember the longer you leave it, the more you've lied so
I'd get onto this pronto!