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EnglishRose2232 · Mar 20, 2009, 01:14 PM

Edited for understanding

Hi people!
I'm new to this site and in desperate need of advice!
Basically me and my ex fiancée of 4 years broke up 2 months ago due to an argument which I started. I regretted ending things with him and tried to make things up because we were going to get married and move in together this year. But understandably he had none of it and always had his mobile off and would text me once a week. This went on for weeks! Then about a month ago he became more open and told me that he did miss me and still loved me, I would receive texts saying 'i drove past your house today' and 'i was near your work earlier' last week on the Tuesday he asked if I wanted to go out for a drive with him on the Friday if I wanted too. (we hadn't seen each other since the row) I jumped at the chance and said yes! I didn't hear from him after that and on the Friday after work I contacted him but his mobile was off... all evening, the next morning I asked why he didn't come and he said it was because he realized how unhappy he was, :confused: I gave it some thought and said well if your unhappy if you like we can go away for a weekend whenever you want to... He didn't reply.
By now I had kind of had enough and on Sunday night sent him a text saying that if he wasn't really serious about me then not to contact me and if he didn't contact me I would understand and I would change my number at the end of the week. Tuesday I get a message out of the blue saying 'that weekend away sounds a good idea' and today he was been texting me nearly all day about what he has been up to and stuff and saying he keeps really thinking about that weekend away and putting kisses at the end of all his messages.
I'm really confused because on the one hand he is starting to talk to me again but on the other hand he didn't go through with his idea of seeing me.

talaniman · Mar 20, 2009, 02:37 PM

That must have been some kind of argument, and he still may have been spooked by your actions, or still upset over it.

Since you started it, he may be letting you stew in your own juice, so you'll think long, and hard about repeating that behavior.

liz28 · Mar 20, 2009, 02:37 PM

This is why when your in a heated argument it is best to remove yourself from it because your end up saying something your going regret. This is why some relationship ends because one person decided it was over while they were arguing.

However, it seems like this guy is taking advance of the situation by sending mixed signals. Today he wants to work it out but today he pulls away and the day after that he's unsure and the patterns continue. The question is how long are you going let the pattern continue.

Either he wants to give it a go or he doesn't. Don't let him play with your emotions. The two of you are even going work out your differences by working out what your need to and that starts from talking things out in mature matter by putting everything out on the table.

I would stop texting/calling for a while and if anything give him time to work things out while you do the same. And the two of you need to cut the chase but from what you wrote he sounds like he wants to be with you but is making you work hard for him. But this is just game playing to me because if I want to play games I will play my wII or xbox.

EnglishRose2232 · Mar 23, 2009, 01:22 PM

Merged and edited

My ex has been texting me today about stuff he has been up to, and we were having quite a laugh, and then he asked if I still loved him, and I replied, yes, and he told me he loved me too then we just carried on talking about other random stuff, then after a while he just didn't reply, and still hasn't, I don't want to come across as pushy, and ask him if he wants to go back out with me, because its taken ages to get to this stage and I don't want to blow things, I want to drop subtle hints to get him thinking, but don't know what to say!
Any suggestions are much appreciated, Thanks :)

A mouse · Mar 23, 2009, 01:25 PM

"I still love you, you still love me, let's get back together." That's what you should say. That is unless you had an unchanging reason for breaking up in the first place. Other than that, never let worry or fear rule your life.

-Mouse

nikosmom · Mar 23, 2009, 01:26 PM

My first question is why is he your ex? That has a huge bearing on whether you should consider getting back together with him.

EnglishRose2232 · Mar 23, 2009, 01:31 PM

It was me that ended it and realised the old saying 'you don't no what you've got till its gone'

nikosmom · Mar 23, 2009, 01:34 PM

What made you end it? Are you saying you just woke up one day and decided, "It's over"?

He may be cautious about reconciling with you since you hurt him the first time around. Believe it or not, guys have feelings. As much as they try to pretend they don't, they get hurt too.

How long were you together? How long have you been broken up?

EnglishRose2232 · Mar 23, 2009, 01:37 PM

It was a silly argument that I blew out of proportion, (stupid me) we were together just over 4 years and engaged for 2 of those years and we have been apart for just over 2 months

nikosmom · Mar 23, 2009, 02:09 PM

Originally Posted by EnglishRose2232

it was a silly arguement that i blew out of proportion, (stupid me) we were 2gether just over 4 years and engaged for 2 of those years n we have been apart for just over 2 months

Based on this info, it's understandable that he doesn't want to dive back in head first. He may need some time to decide if he wants to try with you again. Yes, he still can still have feelings for you but not necessarily want to be back in a relationship with you. He may want to see what else is out there.

Probably not what you wanted to hear but he just may need some time to sort things out and see if it'd be different this time around before risking being hurt again. You can step up and make the first move by putting your feelings out there and asking him if he'd consider having a relationship with you again. Who says you have to wait on him to initiate things?

EnglishRose2232 · Mar 23, 2009, 02:21 PM

I will ask him later to consider a relationship. Then il give him space to dwell on it, at least then he knows its what I want, thank you nikosmom!

nikosmom · Mar 23, 2009, 02:23 PM

Sure, let us know how it goes, good luck

EnglishRose2232 · Mar 23, 2009, 02:30 PM

I will! Thanks

BlackVY · Mar 23, 2009, 03:04 PM

Hmm... since you were the one to break it off, he must be quite hurt, and worried about getting back with you again if you leave again... its like once bitten twice shy... but you guys have been together for a long time, and its obvious he still loves you and seems like you love him too, so take it slow, give him time... and let him know he can trust you again... good luck :)

EnglishRose2232 · Mar 27, 2009, 11:37 AM

Well, I asked him if he would consider a relationship with me and he said yes, I said that if he did I wanted to do it face to face. Haven't heard from him for a couple of days now so presume he is thinking about it, fingers crossed! :-)

starlite1 · Mar 27, 2009, 11:52 AM

Good Luck, English! Keep us posted!

EnglishRose2232 · Mar 31, 2009, 01:41 PM

I think I've messed up! He contacted me and was explaining that the only thing that he would find hard is the fact we were engaged because I said about being girlfriend/boyfriend. Later on I text saying we could get back as being engaged if he wanted. I didn't hear back from him for 3 days and today I woke up in a bad mood, saw he still hadn't contacted me and text him saying 'well what's going on then?' no reply so later today I text saying that I wanted a bloke that actually wanted to be with me and basically had a rant at him because he isn't contacted me. Still isn't heard from him but regret what I said! I don't want to contact him anymore because I don't want to make things worse. I'm so hacked off and sad that I might have ruined things!

liz28 · Mar 31, 2009, 01:55 PM

He seems confuse because if you reflect on his actions you would see in get in touch with you, makes plans, then back off by not contacting you only to get back in touch with you.

I think you did jump the gun too fast by bringing up getting engage.

It time for you to move on unless you want to continue on waiting for him to decide what he wants.

EnglishRose2232 · Apr 2, 2009, 10:50 AM

UPDATE: well he contacted yesterday morning and asked if I wanted to go back to how things were and I said yes and he was saying how things should be different this time round, I asked him out right if we were back together and he said yes we were, I was a little unsure so I said is it for real? And he said it was and asked why I was asking that question so I told him, been trying 2 contact him 2 arrange to meet but his mobile is off, which I think is abit strange and not sure why because he only started turning his mobile off when we split up, before that he ALWAYS had it on. I think we could be making progress though

nikosmom · Apr 2, 2009, 11:24 AM

Well you can't worry about what he did or didn't do while you were split up. In order to make progress you both will have to move forward and not look back- he can't bring up that you broke it off the first time and you can't nag him about his phone being turned off. Those things are in the past and you should focus on the future.

Good luck!