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mydogquestion · Mar 20, 2009, 06:54 AM

I have been dating a great guy a few weeks. He has taken me to some very nice places to eat and he's pays. I have picked up the check for drinks and have had him over for dinner. He makes more than I do but I do not want him to have to pay. I also do not want to hurt his feelings. I do not like the idea of dutch but any thoughts. Should I pay for our dinners out?

bored987 · Mar 20, 2009, 09:34 AM

You could just tell him that you like that he is kind enough to pay but just say that you want to pay half or pay for what you ordered. That way he won't feel bad like he might if you were to pay for everything
Hope this helps

chrissymarie · Mar 20, 2009, 01:23 PM

No. just sit back and relax and let the man be a man and court you. Your going to lose the chivalry in your relationship if you do otherwise. Show your independence and what you can bring financially into a relationship after marriage. But this is only my opinion.

h_leann_b · Mar 20, 2009, 02:45 PM

I think offering for a few things you can afford is all you should do. I mean if you feel bad he is spending too much money, offer to cook for him once and a while. Or pick up the bill once and a while. I think that he we appreciate it, even if you are not paying half for everything. If he is asking YOU on a date, he is probably intending on paying.

If you ask him to do something, I think you should pay and return the favor. :)

stevetcg · Mar 20, 2009, 02:49 PM

If you make the plans, offer to pay. He will probably refuse to let you, but then it is his decision. If he chooses the place, its his tab.

mydogquestion · Mar 20, 2009, 07:55 PM

Thanks everyone . So far he ha spayed for most eveings . I have offered and he still insists on paying. I just did not want him to think I was expecting him to always pay.

annyem · Mar 26, 2009, 07:42 AM

Its good to let him know that you appreciate that he is paying for you. As long as he is aware of how you feel about him paying for you he should not hold you accountable for being unaffordable. If he knows he can support you and take care of you then let him do what he is doing. If he doesn't know what he is doing and he is spending his money too unwisely then its not your fault. When a guy doesn't know how to restrict himself or organize his money I find that to be unattractive. If he turns out to be one of them but you still want to be with him then just help him to change and arrange a way for you two to meet half and half.

kctiger · Mar 26, 2009, 01:54 PM

Let the man be a man? Did someone really just say that? That is like saying let the woman be the woman, in reference to keeping her a$$ in the kitchen. Allow me to welcome you to the 21st Century! It is only natural that BOTH parties pay for dates at some point in time. My JOB as a man is not to take you out and spend a ton of money on you, so if that is your idea of chivalry, then get real! Women make a living, like guys, and there is absolutely NO reason why a guy has to spring for the bill at every date...

Chivalry has nothing to do with money, in my opinion. It is the gold diggers that think it is the job of men they date to constantly treat them to dates on several occasions that really piss me off! I work my a$$ off for my money and I don't do it to buy the love and affection of some female.

My advice, like others, is let him know how you feel. If he takes you on a date, then I would assume he plans on paying, but don't fall into the trap of thinking that is his "job" so to speak.

Carry on... :cool:

chrissymarie · Mar 26, 2009, 02:01 PM

Hmmm well all I know is that if a man wants to take me out... he's paying. End of story.

kctiger · Mar 26, 2009, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

hmmm well all I know is that if a man wants to take me out... he's paying. End of story.

Good argument...

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 02:05 PM

Kc, I will promise to keep my behind in the kitchen, but when we go out you must pay for dinner. :D

mydogquestion · Mar 26, 2009, 08:05 PM

I never said it was his Job to pay. My question was would I offend him by paying when I could.

neverme · Mar 26, 2009, 11:17 PM

He specifically he said that he was quoting another poster.

He also gave you the advice that others have... be honest, and tell him how you're feeling.

ISneezeFunny · Mar 26, 2009, 11:24 PM

My exes and I always had a system. Every time I paid, the next time, the girl paid. Granted, I always worked, and thus made more than the average college student, so whenever I paid, we went to nicer places, but we still made it work.

I pay - nice dinner
She pays - bar/taco/mini golf/pool... etc.

I wish · Mar 27, 2009, 01:20 PM

Tell him you would like to pay every 3 or 4 dates. I'm sure that you guys can work something out. Just talk to him about it.

stevetcg · Mar 27, 2009, 01:27 PM

You know, if he lets you pay, it obligates him to give up the loving... ;)

kanicky73 · Mar 27, 2009, 02:12 PM

I think you have been fair by him paying for dinner and you picking up the tab for drinks. Maybe alternate that, one night he buys dinner and you buy drinks and the next time, you buy dinner and he buys drinks. I wouldn't make that big of an issue out of it if he insists on picking up the tab. I would chalk it up that his parents raised him to be a gentleman and that if he asks a lady to dinner he should pay.

lennore · Mar 27, 2009, 05:44 PM

Umm.. whenever you feel like paying (not to ofen in order not to make him feel ''weird''- he's the man in any case he needs to feel he pleases u) and with a smile on your face tell him ud like to pay this time.. he will let you do so if you insist! Don't utter the words: feel, need, have to, money, card, dad (told me), mother (told me) , best friend (told me), but (with sad face) etc. instead use the words: pleasure, like to , on me, I will.. etc. your aim is to convinced him u 've had a great time( don't forget to smile) and you want to please him back - like a gift.