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spiralbound · Mar 19, 2009, 07:17 PM

I don't think I'm depressed.

However, everyday just gets more and more uninteresting. I am in college I have school work to do, I have games to play, I have plenty of time on my hands. It's just that nothing seems to get my attention anymore. If I buy a new video game feels like I've played it before, or when I collect more MTGO cards it just seems like no big deal now when I get one of the rarest cards. I bought a new gun for my collection to shoot around at the range and stuff (I have several others that were so much fun when I bought them), I just feel like I wasted money. Life every day just seems more and more dull. I have a future set out for me in the army and thereafter.

Money is a slight problem for me, as is with any college student. I do have a full ride and I do not depend on anyone else. I do have a job to do every now and then, but that doesn't keep my mind busy anymore.

I'm losing interest in life (not in the suicidal way). I am young, and the reason I'm here is because I just feel like I am going to live the rest of my life bored and unexcited.

I am the most motivated person when it comes to things I need to do, you won't find anyone more willing to get things done. Until it's time to do it, then I don't feel anymore motivation to do anything, I just forget about getting good grades and having a fulfilling life, and I turn from a go getter to the most lazy person on earth.

I guess I don't have any work ethic, things that normal people find worth the effort, I just feel like I'm wasting my time. I do get good grades I have a 3.6GPA, and I don't cheat. However, I am not proud of my accomplishments, I really just don't care. I have high expectations for whatever it is I do, and I do have plenty of goals.

If you can make sense of this and know what I can do to feel excited about life for once please share your thoughts. Anything to help me stay motivated through my tasks.

Clough · Mar 19, 2009, 09:34 PM

Hi, spiralbound!

You say that you don't think that you're depressed. However, to me, you seem to have some symptoms indicating that you might be.

You could be clinically depressed to the point where medication could help you. That sort of diagnosis and the possibilities of the types of treatments would need to be made by some kind of physician, though.

When was the last time that you had a visit to your doctor, please?

Thanks!

spiralbound · Mar 19, 2009, 09:50 PM

Taking medication can permanently hinder my career in the army as well as future prospects in the NSA and CIA. Other than that I have never really seen a doctor, nor would I have the money to do so.

Clough · Mar 19, 2009, 09:57 PM

Hi again, spiralbound!

Taking medication doesn't have to be permanent. I was on medication for a number of years for depression. I don't take them anymore because I got better.

Don't you think it's a good idea to see a doctor at least once in awhile for a physical and general check-up on your well-being?

Thanks!

spiralbound · Mar 19, 2009, 10:02 PM

For the medication, if the army knew I was taking medication for depression then I wouldn't be able to get my pension. I would also be barred from joining the CIA. As for seeing a doctor I wouldn't know where to start.

simoneaugie · Mar 19, 2009, 10:11 PM

You're probably going through a blah period. You could try Saint John's Wort as a supplement. It gets many of us through rough patches and the military never needs to know. Vitamins may be helpful too if your diet isn't the greatest.

Have you tried anything new? How about joining a bowling team or bringing food to elderly people. Playing games, shooting and studying are all fairly solitary activities. Maybe you need more interaction and the disinterest you're experiencing is a signal to get out there.

Yeah, bringing meals to old folks sounds a bit dull. But, helping other people is an awesome way to get your life back on track. Could you help a classmate out by tutoring them?

Clough · Mar 19, 2009, 10:14 PM

Around where I live, we have clinics where people not making much money can either pay on a sliding-fee scale based on their income where they can pay a small fee or even none at all. There are often grant monies that are used to help fund those sort of organizations in order to help people who would have trouble paying for any kind of treatment.

Perhaps there are those sort of clinics around where you are?

spiralbound · Mar 19, 2009, 10:26 PM

I suppose I could check

Clough · Mar 19, 2009, 10:28 PM

It wouldn't hurt to try...

What did you think of simoneaugie's answer, please? There are some really good thoughts in it!

spiralbound · Mar 19, 2009, 11:17 PM

Well this blah period has been going on for about 5 years. I don't get the St. John's Wort thing either. People don't find me to be very likable. Every now and then I get a few friends but it doesn't last very long, soon they stop calling and I got to look again. As for helping the elderly, you I don't know, I really don't have time during the day, I am up at 6am everyday and go to bed at 10pm (except for now because its spring break). I have classes on and off during the whole day, so I only have a few hours at a time to do anything. On weekends I work 12 hours a day to pay off my credit card.

I am sorry I am not trying to be difficult, you do make some good suggestions and I will try to make room for them and see how it works. As for tutoring, I spend a lot of time getting tutored so I don't think I would be very good at helping someone else with school work.

I do bowl every now and then but I don't have the money to invest in a bowling ball, shoes, and whatever else I need.

Clough · Mar 19, 2009, 11:50 PM

Would you like to do something right on this site that might make you feel better about yourself and things in general, spiralbound?

Thanks!

spiralbound · Mar 19, 2009, 11:51 PM

Do something on this site?

Clough · Mar 20, 2009, 12:04 AM

Yes! Are you into anything having to do with the fine arts at all, like music, drama, visual art, written art like poetry, lyrics, other kinds of writing, etc.

Thanks!

spiralbound · Mar 20, 2009, 01:18 PM

I do play the saxophone very well, I can do photoshop, flash, and stuff like that as well.

simoneaugie · Mar 20, 2009, 02:02 PM

Oh, Saint John's Wort is an herb. It is not considered a treatment for anything, officially. It can really help with depression and a lack of interest in things you used to enjoy. Like taking vitamins, the military wouldn't look on it as if you were taking an antidepressant. You can get it at many drug or health food stores and it's over the counter, like aspirin.

I used to work in the dining hall during college. The pay sucks but you can put in 2 hours and then get back to class. Meeting people was easy for me while making them burgers or serving them. I became friends with plenty of football players, they eat a lot. Smile. Many of us feel lost, confused or downright depressed while working towards our degree. Your smile is valuable, use it, brighten someone's day.

Hathor · Mar 20, 2009, 10:44 PM

Hello there. I know it's not very appropriate, but first of all, it's lose interest, not loose.

I was diagnosed medium-high depressed, but my causes were different from yours. I'm an extreme high-achiever. I felt too much pressure, I cracked.

I don't know you personally and I don't have sufficient info (or even the right) to judge for that matter, but I've known lots of people who don't seem to be interested in anything, and just getting by till they get their college degree, which is not of their interest, but they do it anyway because of their parents and social norms which believe that you can get better jobs with a degree, and they strike me as plain lazy. I've always known what I want, I keep applying, most of the time I got what I want, and when I didn't, I got depressed because I lack the ability to accept defeat/disappointment.

Everyone has some sort of dream, so dig deep what yours is, and pursue it. What made you choose this college course in the first place? Did you see yourself getting a good job and be happy after your graduation? If the answer leans towards yes, then study harder, if it leans towards no, it's not too late to try some other classes and change/trasfer/drop.

There's always something to do. And maybe instead of focusing on yourself, what makes you happy etc. maybe you should forget about yourself for a sec, volunteer for some good causes, and the outcomes of your effort/contribution will subsequently make you happy with being helpful to society.

Clough · Mar 20, 2009, 11:49 PM

Originally Posted by spiralbound

I do play the saxophone very well, I can do photoshop, flash, and stuff like that as well.

Perhaps you might like to write a piece together with me that you could play on the saxophone or even write a song? Please let me know. I can help you with doing either of those things.

Thanks!

spiralbound · Mar 21, 2009, 06:44 PM

Sounds interesting, I am not sure how we would go about doing so though.

Clough · Mar 21, 2009, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by spiralbound

Sounds interesting, I am not sure how we would go about doing so though.

If you go to the Writing forum topic area, you'll see where I'm helping a couple of others to write songs.

Those threads should be right near the top of the screen. There are at least a couple of other threads where I've done that with people, but they are somewhat older threads.

Thanks!

spiralbound · Mar 26, 2009, 05:09 PM

So I think I have found a reason for all my problems, and if it's true I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself. It seems that in psychology there are two types of goals, mastery and performance goals.

Mastery:
When we seek to increase our personal competence or mastery of something

Performance:
When we want to do something to get a favorable response or judgment from others about our mastery or competence.

Now in retrospect I feel I have spent the major portion of my life meeting performance goals. The root problem I never get any attention from anyone (childish I know, I thought I was above that). Anyway this has led me to notice that I have absolutely no skill set in anything at all. I have wasted my whole life trying to get people to notice me and I have damaged myself intellectually and emotionally past the point of repair. Skills that I will need throughout the remainder of my life, I perform mediocre at best and there is no way to catch up, and people notice this.

I based this off the belief I had that there is no point in trying if you can't be the best and if you can be the best there is no point in doing, I would just be wasting my time because I know I can do it.

The things I never did that I could master. Are hindering me now because I cannot go on without he prerequisite knowledge that takes years to learn. Then I top of that I have no one to teach me this stuff now because I should have already learned it. Then to compound the problem, I have never tried to do anything that I think I cannot master, therefore I have no knowledge in things that I can help me be a more unique individual.

I have now got myself into the habit of this backwards thinking, and to make things worse I fail to even try anything past the bare minimum because I know I will never be able to master anything now. The reason being I will have needed to master skills that I failed to master, to master skills that I will need in the future.

If this makes any sense then please help me figure out how to get out of this hole. I sit and think what am I going to do with this life I wasted.