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rockne · Aug 31, 2006, 08:22 AM

I just got separated after a short marriage. I was handling the situation really good throughout the entire separation and was doing OK until a few days ago. Now all of a sudden I can't eat, my stomach is in knots all day, I feel like I want my spouse back (even though for the past several months I thought the divorce needed to happen, and was definitely in favor of it happening), I don't feel like going anywhere, the things I used to look forward to don't matter to me anymore... I'm really having a tough time, any advice would be great.

SINGLE4 · Aug 31, 2006, 08:28 AM

Hi rockne!

I feel for you! I seriously think that you need to go see a doctor and let him know your symptoms! I'm no doctor but it sounds to me like you have depression! A serious case of it! I had to do the same thing!

He will probably put you on anti-depressants and ask that you see a counselor/therapist! It is scary but it helps! You need to talk about how you are feeling! Also... open up to your friends! They truly do want to help!

Good Luck and keep us posted!

rockne · Aug 31, 2006, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by SINGLE4

Hi rockne!

I feel for you! I seriously think that you need to go see a doctor and let him know your symptoms! I'm no doctor but it sounds to me like you have depression! A serious case of it! I had to do the same thing!

He will probably put you on anti-depressants and ask that you see a counselor/therapist! It is scary but it helps! You need to talk about how you are feeling! Also... open up to your friends! They truly do wanna help!

Good Luck and keep us posted!

I've just never been depressed in my life. I've always been an extremely happy and uplifting person. If this keeps up I may consider meeting with a counselor, it's only been happening the past 3 days thought, but it hit me out of nowhere and I didn't see it coming.

Krs · Aug 31, 2006, 08:39 AM

You are going through a grieving process. Its only natural.
You have to try keep yourself busy, entertained, find a hobby, join a gym, go out with friends, and do eat too.

rockne · Aug 31, 2006, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by Krs

You are going through a grieving process. Its only natural.
You have to try keep yourself busy, entertained, find a hobby, join a gym, go out with friends, and do eat too.

A big problem is all our friends were mutual (couple) friends. These are people that we never hung out with by ourselves, only as couples. So now none of our friends know which one of us to choose so I essentially lost most my friends.

Krs · Aug 31, 2006, 08:46 AM

No don't say that.
Im sure the females will stick with her, and you can go out for a few beers with lads, no?

rockne · Aug 31, 2006, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by Krs

no dont say that.
Im sure the females will stick with her, and you can go out for a few beers with lads, no?

So far, no. For the past 3 weeks I've only seen one of my/our friends. I think our friends simply don't know how to handle the situation. She hasn't really seen many of her friends either, but she did meet new people where she moved and has been hanging out with them everyday.

Wildcat21 · Aug 31, 2006, 11:09 AM

Rockne... I need more info - WHY did you split?

For what reasons? How long were you married? WHo Initiated it?(I know, she ddid)

Krs · Aug 31, 2006, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by rockne

So far, no. For the past 3 weeks I've only seen one of my/our friends. I think our friends simply don't know how to handle the situation. She hasn't really seen many of her friends either, but she didn't meet new people where she moved and has been hanging out with them everyday.

True some friends don't know how to deal with situations like this one. Start afresh its probably for the best.

rockne · Aug 31, 2006, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Rockne....I need more info - WHY did you split?

For what reasons? How long were you married? WHo Initiated it?(I know, she ddid)

Married for about a year. I was actually the person who ititiated it, that's why this is so confusing to me. After we got married I felt like it was a big mistake. I started pushing her away, then we started not getting along. We never agreed on anything and it became very frustrating. She did try to fix our relationship but I didn't put as much into it as I probably could have. We got along great for the 5 years we dated. I don't really know what happened.

Wildcat21 · Aug 31, 2006, 01:56 PM

Did you go to counseling? If not, I would advise not to go back to her.

See you were uncomfortable married. You can't go back to what you had.

To me this all sounds kind of selfish. You want what you can't have.

WAS there another women involved?? Yes??

I do advise for oyu to go to counseling. It may help in a lot of areas including reconciling.

But you mustremember - you must have hurt the hell out of her. I woul;d n't take you back.

ilovcali · Aug 31, 2006, 02:04 PM

Yeah, I think you're at the point where you're realizing what you lost. In your case, it sounds like she DID LOVE you. Maybe you couldn't do the same. If that is the case, figure out what YOU DID wrong. Go see a shrink, figure out what was missing IN YOU.

After that is done, call her. Be prepared that she's through with you. However, IF YOU DO work on YOUR ISSUES and work them out, SHE MIGHT take you back.

Sounds like she did CARE, which is not always the case. SHOW her you CARE. By addressing your issues.

rockne · Aug 31, 2006, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Did you go to counseling? If not, I would advise not to go back to her.

See you were uncomfortable married. You can't go back to what you had.

To me this all sounds kind of selfish. You want what you can't have.

WAS ther another women involved????? Yes???

I do advise for oyu to go to counseling. It may help in a lot of areas including reconciling.

But you mustremember - you must have hurt the hell out of her. I woul;d n't take you back.

That's the thing, if I was so unhappy being married then why am I having such difficulties now??

There was NO other woman. We went to 2 different counselors and neither help us at all.

I realize now that I definitely hurt her, but it wasn't intentional. I wasn't rude or mean, I was simply distant for a while which made her feel like I didn't love her, even though I did. She has found new friends and seems to be trying to move on. We still talk every few days though. If I was unhappy being married why would I even want her back? This entire situation makes no sense to me.

Wildcat21 · Aug 31, 2006, 03:20 PM

How old are you?

Well I am glad you went to counseling - Did you open up I ncounseling?? Talk and really listen??

rockne · Aug 31, 2006, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by ilovcali

Yeah, I think you're at the point where you're realizing what you lost. In your case, it sounds like she DID LOVE you. Maybe you couldn't do the same. If that is the case, figure out what YOU DID wrong. Go see a shrink, figure out what was missing IN YOU.

After that is done, call her. Be prepared that she's through with you. However, IF YOU DO work on YOUR ISSUES and work them out, SHE MIGHT take you back.

Sounds like she did CARE, which is not always the case. SHOW her you CARE. by addressing your issues.

She did care. I think what hit me so hard is that I found out the other day she gave her number to some other guy. I don't think either of us should start dating for a while, we just split up. All her friends are telling her she needs to start dating so she can forget about me. Even if I do get counseling and give her a call in a couple months what if she's in a relationship.

Don't get the wrong idea. I was very nice to her in many ways, very respectful, caring, always was there for her when she down, etc... I was simply distant for a while. She needed to have affection and feel loved, that was my problem.

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

How old are you?

Well I am glad you went to counseling - Did you open up i ncounseling???? Talk and really listen???

Mid 20's. One counselor didn't let us open up, he kept telling us the problems we were having were normal and all couples have the same problems. We didn't want to hear that. The other was OK, we opened up but nothing was resolved.

Krs · Sep 1, 2006, 12:40 AM

Counselors are NOT going to resolve your problems. The only people who can resolve them are yourself and herself. Counselors help you make that first move!

rockne · Sep 1, 2006, 07:06 AM

Well, I've talked to her two times in last two days and she was in a good mood and the conversations went great? I'm trying to be extra extra nice because I know I hurt her. My main problem is I miss her so much but I keep asking myself why I was so unhappy being married to her. I definitely don't want to try an win her back over the next several months and then have the same thing happen, I just don't want to hurt her again.

Krs · Sep 1, 2006, 07:11 AM

Take things extremely slow, you never know what may happen in the future.

rockne · Sep 1, 2006, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by Krs

Take things extremely slow, you never know what may happen in the future.

I'm definitely going to take things slow. I want to give her her space so she can hang out with her new friends and be happy for a while. If I want her back it's going to be a battle because all her new friends are telling her to not talk to me at all.

Krs · Sep 1, 2006, 07:38 AM

At the end of the day she will make her own mind up I'm sure :)
Good Luck.