[StressedMommy]

:( I have a 5 yr old daughter who just come home from visiting her father back in the states. When he flew out here to drop her off, he had to stay for a couple of days. I caught him going to the bathroom in front of her, Which to me is a BIG NO NO and then at dinner time he told her "I don't blame you for not eating, mommy doesn't know whats good and she doesn't know how to cook." ARGH! I told him he had no business telling her that and he just laughed it off and said "What's it going to hurt?" I told him her and he said that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. Since then she has done nothing, but TELL me what she wants to do, when she's going to do it and what she wants to eat. Now that doesn't work with me. I've tried timeouts and grounding from her tv, but she doesn't care. I've also done the fine don't eat go hungry technique and she will actually go hungry and not for just a day but longer. She tells me that she just wants to go back to her dad P. cause she can eat and do what she wants there. PLEASE someone Help, I don't know what else to do. Any Great advice!

[s_cianci]

Obviously you and her father have different parenting styles. This is always a problem when mom and dad are separated. I can't really say that you're right and that he's wrong without more information. I wouldn't worry too much about him going to the bathroom in front of her since she's so young. I do agree that he should not make disparaging remarks to her, whether in your presence or not, about your cooking or anything else. Realistically you'll have to find some way to make your daughter understand that you have your rules and daddy has his. When she's with you she lives by your rules and when she's with her dad she lives by his. She may prefer dad's rules (or lack thereof) over yours and that's OK in and of itself (as long as he's not abusing or neglecting her.) However, try to make her realize that staying with her dad full time is not an option and why it's not an option. The only other advice I can give you is to make sure you pick your battles wisely. Assess what you consider to be "acceptable" and "unacceptable" behaviors. Try to keep the "unacceptable" list as short as possible. You don't want to let her walk all over you but you don't want to be overbearing either. That'll make it all the more easy for her to play dad against you.

[LUNAGODDESS]

YOU ARE RIGHT NEVER TO BED ANGRY ALWAYS SAY I LOVE YOU... Daddy still has some issues with you and needs a cheerleader/supporter... and that is the daughter... as we say here in the states... he is throwing more sh** in the game I know how to say that in German but spelling in German it is questionable... she is 5 years old and is trying you... you are the mother and deserves to be respected and for daddy your ex to tell your child that it is just fine to disrespect you will not work... remain him of the statistics of children at risk... they become at risk because the parents are unable to just being parents... his action will have a reverse effect... if it is OK to disrespect one parent then it is OK to disrespect the other... he needs to be challenged on that negative effort... he should stop behaving like an immature child...

Next let's see... if her behavior is representative of a child that is at risk:

• DOES SHE ACTS TOO YOUNG FOR HER AGE
• CANNOT SIT STILL, RESTLESS, OR HYPERACTIVE
• CRUEL TO ANIMALS
• DESTROYS HER OWN THINGS
• DOES NOT GET ALONG WITH CHILDREN HER AGE
• FEARS GOING TO SCHOOL
• FEELS WORTHLESS OR INFERIOR
• ANXIOUS
• DOES SHE INTERACTS POSITIVELY WITH BOTH PARENTS
• DOES SHE ACKNOWLEDGE PAINFUL FEELINGS

You must hit 6 out of this list... and if you need to see clinical professional
If not this suggestion may help... the child needs the support of all your family... it does take a village to raise a child... let the child interact with your associates and family... she will notice that mom is the greatest... right now there is a transition problem... so take your time... it will smooth out... it is great that you have identified the problem before it become too intense... involve yourself in community projects and being her long... she needs to focus on something more constructed... established a family routine and create rules 9belive it or not children prefer rules) create an incentive system... be aware of what might make her irritating or uncomfortable... make sure you are there to communicate... empower your household...

[StressedMommy]

Her father and I divorced when she was only a few months old. He moved out of state to WA. So that he could see her every other weekend (this was my mistake) I moved to WA as well. At first things seemed to be OK but she was of course only a baby. Things started to go down hill when she was 2. He would let her hit and kick and go outside to play by herself. When I would pick her up from her dads, only my daughter would be outside and no one else around. She started to hit me in the face or kick me and I couldn't figure out where she was getting this until one day when I seen him play fighting with her. When I told him that's not the right way to play because she doesn't know that it's (for fun). He just blew it off and said that I am to strict. Though he still tells me this. Since then it's just gotten worse. My husband and I moved here to Germany almost a year ago and I had finally gotten my daughter into a good routine and she was eating healthy, but then summer time come and it was time for her to go visit her dad. It's been over a month since she's come back and I did expect some resistance from her. She gets along great with other kids and she's actually really a bright child. She's no Einstein but she's smart. She behaves (other then eating) when other people are around or when we are in public. I try to choose the battles, but she has learned what makes mommy mad and she uses that. I'll even tell her that fine, you can think and feel that way (pending on the situation). Anyhow, Thank you both! =)