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easier · Mar 12, 2009, 11:26 PM

Hi
I recently split with my partner of 12 months, we live together with my daughter who at times can be a little hard to disapline and has sleep problems and yes it was and still can be being a single mum and working full time. She went and stayed at my parents for a few weeks to let me have a break and get pespective of the situation. During this time my ex told me she is not welcome back and it is him or her. Of course I am going to chose my child. So I look for new place to live and the day I move I get 57 text message from him, one minute being nasty and then the next saying sorry. It was now been 2 weeks that I have left and he is still contacting me telling me my daughter will never be good and she is 100% to blame for us breaking up, and then tells me he is glad that I am getting out and about keeping busy, then carries on about him just wanting to find sex. He has also said he wants to stay friends and asked me to go to go on holiday with him later on in the year just as friends... He can be a great guy but has so much resentment for my daughter, what is going through his head I know I will never know but how should I handle him from now?

Nestorian · Mar 12, 2009, 11:54 PM

That all depends on what you want, and how you want to go about getting it.

Personally, you ex from what you said, is scared todeath of being alone, and jelous or annoyd with your duaghter. He mad it clear, him or your daughter. Now choose all or nothing, because to be friends with him would be to dangerous. Why?

What if you one day feel like you wanted him back and things for you are super hard. You daughter becomes distant and harder to handle/ help. You may find yourself resenting her, no don't deny it, because it has not happened. We can choose to deny things all we want, but in the end, until we are faced with it, we really don't know.

It maybe best to simply go No contact. Because he is making you feel bad, even though he may give you that feeling of "love". It's kind of misleading since your daughter and you are a package deal.

But that's what I can see from what you tell me. He ma very well be a nice guy, but even the nicest guy has his faults. Doesn't make him any less than he is, it just means that he may not be the guy for you. It apears to be his choice in this matter.

Peace and kindness.

easier · Mar 13, 2009, 12:21 AM

Wow, you are so right, thanks for replying it helps to her others point of view. You ae right he made his choice and when you spoke about resentment to my daughter I do not want to be become like that and put her or myself through that. Yes a package deal and he knew that from the start. I have wondered if he could be jealous of her because he has previously made cooments that he wants just us time, which we did have but he wanted more. Yes maybe he is just not the right guy for me. Thanks again take care

templelane · Mar 13, 2009, 12:25 AM

He doesn't sound very nice, competing with a child. I think you are better off without him.

neverme · Mar 13, 2009, 03:11 AM

You and your daughter come as a package until she is old enough to fend for herself.

You made that decision when you had your baby.

This guy is a coward. If he loved you he'd love your chid whether she's good bad or indifferent.

Go No Contact. He doesn't deserve you.

easier · Mar 13, 2009, 03:20 AM

You are all so right, thanks for spending the time to read and reply it is appreciated

neverme · Mar 13, 2009, 05:02 AM

No Problem easier!

Glad you can see the truth

Best of Luck.

:D

JoeCanada76 · Mar 13, 2009, 05:13 AM

Wow, what a messed up person he is to put all the blame on your daughter and then to give you an ultimatum. The 57 text messages. Sounds like he is a complete control freak. I will tell you what. Always chose your daughter because that relationship would be hard to repair.

I can not believe what I am hearing and I am so so sorry you have been put through this. Your daughter is important and you need to get a restraining order against this idiot and you need to stay away from him. Cut all ties.

That is my opinions and thoughts sorry but this pisses me right off. Please stay away from him. No being friends, no nothing...

Romefalls19 · Mar 13, 2009, 05:16 AM

A mother should ALWAYS pick her child over a guy, that's plain and simple! Good decision on your part, and there are better guys out there who will accept and love you and your daughter.