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angelbaby01 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:00 AM

This is a very sore subject for me so I will try to explain the bast I can. I lost my daughter to the state a long time ago.. its complicated, I fought for a long time then it got to the point of going to trial and I didn't want to put my daughter through anymore stress, her foster mom wqs telling me that she was showing signs of stress and that bothered me, so I ended up signing my rights off.. I never told anyone because people csn be so cruel, and to this day I hurt. A few years after it happened I came out with the truth and people were so quick to judge me.. ok I can't talk about that anymore but in the end she was adopted by the foster partent that had her, her biologiacal father lives in a different state and has told me recently that he NEVER got any paperwork in the mail regarding this case so he could try to get her... To make a long story short he wants to fight for her. He is willing to do whatever it takes to get her. Now like I said it was a long time ago she was adopted I believe in 2002. For me I'm like I don't know what to say.. I mean I love my daughter just as much as I did when she was born but how is this going to effect my life.. and I don't mean that in a selfish wy either, it just took me such a long time to accept her adoption. What do I do? Her father asked me if I woud help him.. what do I say? Should he? I'm so confussed,all I know is from what he tells me and that's he wants her and that all these years he has been missig something and he says its her.. :confused:

Justwantfair · Mar 5, 2009, 08:04 AM

How old is your daughter now?

angelbaby01 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

How old is your daughter now?

She is 7.

BiWiccanAndProud · Mar 5, 2009, 08:08 AM

Can you have any contact with your daughter? How old was she when you lost her? If she was at an old enough age that she remembers you then you should try and find out what she wants. It might be a bad thing to say but as far as you know your daughter is happy where she is and wouldn't want to leave. 2002? That's 7 years! It could be painful for your daughter to leave a home she has known for that long. Like I said if you can ask her. If you can't then you should try and determine who she has a stronger bond with, her foster parents, or her real ones.

BTW the people who have judged you for letting your daughter go? Screw them. You heard your daughter was under stress from all that was going on and you didn't want that to continue. You didn't drop it because you didn't want her, you dropped it cause you were worried, and that makes you a good mother so they can shut it. My parents went through a custody battle a while back and I remember how much stress I was feeling from it, I wish one of my parents had stepped up too.

BiWiccanAndProud · Mar 5, 2009, 08:09 AM

Originally Posted by angelbaby01

She is 7.

So she has been with them her whole life? Does she even know you?

Justwantfair · Mar 5, 2009, 08:15 AM

If she was adopted in 2002, when she was under the age of 1, how was your daughter showing signs of stress that made you stop pursuing your rights and sign them over?

This is the only family that your daughter has known and to try and separate them now would have lifelong implications on her life. I think that you need to stay out of any pursuit at this point as you have given up your rights and stay out of an situation/fight that her biological father brings. If you can, you need to talk him out of the interference as well, because you will only hurt her stability at this point. In my opinion.

angelbaby01 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:17 AM

She was very young when she was adopted like a year old.. they don't allow me to let her know that i am her birth mom, she has told me that she does know now that she is adopted.. i used to get photos but i haven't in some time now..

angelbaby01 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by justwantfair

if she was adopted in 2002, when she was under the age of 1, how was your daughter showing signs of stress that made you stop pursuing your rights and sign them over?

This is the only family that your daughter has known and to try and seperate them now would have lifelong implications on her life. I think that you need to stay out of any pursuit at this point as you have given up your rights and stay out of an situation/fight that her biological father brings. If you can, you need to talk him out of the interference as well, because you will only hurt her stability at this point. Imho.

I'm not trying to separate them I just wanted some opinions, her adopted mom at that time her foster mom she is the one that pulled me aside and said you know I'm noticing sign of stress with her, so that just scared me. I didn't want to put her or drag her through the courts, as much as I wanted her.

Justwantfair · Mar 5, 2009, 08:26 AM

How old were you at that time?

That was very manipulative.

angelbaby01 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

If she was adopted in 2002, when she was under the age of 1, how was your daughter showing signs of stress that made you stop pursuing your rights and sign them over?

This is the only family that your daughter has known and to try and seperate them now would have lifelong implications on her life. I think that you need to stay out of any pursuit at this point as you have given up your rights and stay out of an situation/fight that her biological father brings. If you can, you need to talk him out of the interference as well, because you will only hurt her stability at this point. IMHO.

I WAS 20 WHEN I HAD HER

Justwantfair · Mar 5, 2009, 08:42 AM

I think getting involve now will only hurt the child.

I would seek counseling for all of the unresolved emotions, but I would not interfer or help your ex interfer.

Is there a reason that it took seven years before he knew about his child?

angelbaby01 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by justwantfair

i think getting involve now will only hurt the child.

I would seek counseling for all of the unresolved emotions, but i would not interfer or help your ex interfer.

Is there a reason that it took seven years before he knew about his child?

I'm not sure for his reason on his end. I know that he did know about her, he saw her once while she was in the states custody, he just tells me that he don't want her to be the one too look for him when she is older, I know for myself I am okay with te way things are. Yesi wish it was different of course she is my daughter. But I know well I hope someday I can have her understand why things happened, I just don't want her to hate me. When her fsther asked me to help him I started crying, it took years to be okay with all this now its all going to replay itself and to me that's painfull. But as you asked I'm not sure why it took hmthis long , he stated he never got any papers for a court hearing or anything.. im not sure what to say.. im a box full of emotions now

Synnen · Mar 5, 2009, 08:53 AM

Long story short: The father may not be ABLE to fight for her.

If there were attempts to contact him, and no response was received, he's out of luck.

Since it was done through the state, I'm sure that there is no legal loophole he can work through after 7 years.

As for you--I highly recommend that you get into counseling with someone specializing in adoption issues. I also recommend joining a local birthmother support group. The support and understanding that you will receive from them is amazing, and could really help you with your journey forward.