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I wish · Mar 1, 2009, 04:54 PM

In a relationship, if he or she "thinks" about possibilities with another person, because he or she has feelings for that person, but does not act on these feelings, is it considered cheating? I think it's called "emotional" cheating?

Personally, I only consider it cheating when the person acts on the feelings. Basically starting from kissing and onward.

It is easy to control our actions, but it is nearly impossible to control feelings?

chuff · Mar 1, 2009, 06:11 PM

I'd call it emotional cheating. Depends on the situation, but sometimes it can be worse then physical cheating.

neverme · Mar 1, 2009, 06:40 PM

Ya I agree with chuff, ccan nearly be worse at times.

Answer me this, would you feel comfortable telling your significant other about these feelings? I doubt it!

neverme · Mar 1, 2009, 07:13 PM

Ya if you've fallen for someone else then your not there with her emotionally anymore.

It spells the beginning of the end...

I wish · Mar 1, 2009, 07:16 PM

See, this is where I get confused. When we are single, we can be attracted to more than 1 person at the time and it is acceptable. But once we're taken, we can't have feelings for another person or else it is considered cheating.

But we are the same person while we are single or while we are dating.

So does that mean that if we are single and we are attracted to more than 1 person, we should not commit yet?

Luscious Leo · Mar 1, 2009, 07:43 PM

It depends on whom you ask.

I don't think it's cheating because there's no physical involvement. In that case, men cheat with Playboy models and 18 year old girls in skimpy clothing at the malls all of the time. We all know that's unreal in the natural world.

Luscious Leo · Mar 1, 2009, 07:44 PM

Adding:

When we're in relationships we can't just tune out our eye sight and pretend as if we can't find other people attracted.
That's BS.

neverme · Mar 1, 2009, 07:54 PM

Leo, There's a difference between being attracted to someone and 'falling' for them.

Luscious Leo · Mar 1, 2009, 07:58 PM

Possibilies can go either way. They don't mean anything. I know women whom are married whom think "I wonder if I would have stayed with Frank how our kids would've looked, our life would have turned out" etc. I'm not saying it's the sweetest thing in the world for someone to imagine the possibility of being with someone else- but let's just face it. Sometimes when you are angry or see the apparent flaws in your significant other, your mind wonders and does crazy things.

I wish · Mar 1, 2009, 08:06 PM

If the feelings are running really deep, then I agree that it's serious.

Let's say person A and B are together. Person A starts having feelings for person C. However, person A is really committed to person B, so person A tries really hard to suppress the feelings (for person C) and does not act on any of the feelings. Then, is that still cheating?

Luscious Leo · Mar 1, 2009, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

If the feelings are running really deep, then I agree that it's serious.

Let's say person A and B are together. Person A starts having feelings for person C. However, person A is really committed to person B, so person A tries really hard to supress the feelings (for person C) and does not act on any of the feelings. Then, is that still cheating?

No, it's not cheating.
It's being human. We can't control our feelings but we can control our bodies.

talaniman · Mar 1, 2009, 08:41 PM

Guilty, I fell for the Fox news whether girl 10 years ago, until the hot anchor on CNN, came along and blew my mind. It gets worse as Tina Turner got me all bothered, but then faded from view, so now between Beyonce, and Shikara, Soledad O'Brien, Katie Couric, I barely have time to lust after Faith Hill, and Barbara Walters. See how complicated it gets?

Bottom line is as long as you stay within the bounds of good behavior, you can feel whatever you want. No problem.

Want to hear the wife's "list of men who I can't hold a fig to"? How much time do you have?

arnimal7 · Mar 1, 2009, 08:56 PM

Thinking about another person is not cheating or else I have been cheating for years. Lol Acting on it is a whole different story. It's human nature as most people say, well that's because it is. Just make sure not to act on it.

chuff · Mar 2, 2009, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Barbara Walters.

Barbara Walters? Seriously Tal we need to talk.

suddenImpact · Mar 2, 2009, 07:30 AM

I agree that thinking about things is not cheating. There is a girl I work with that is a good friend of mine, we all go out to the bar once in a while (her husband included) and hang out. While I was still with my x, I ended up having a VERY intimate dream about the girl I work with. What's weird, is I don't think of her that way at all... she is not even close to my type. Obviously I didn't tell my g/f at the time about the dream, but I still don't even consider that cheating... I can't control what things pop into my head, or what things I dream about.

jmw0713 · Mar 2, 2009, 09:33 AM

"Thinking" about things with someone is not cheating to a point. We all "think" about others, whether we are attracted to them or not. That's like me thinking about "things" with Anne Hathaway. Yes she is fantastically gorgeous, but I don't devote time and energy thinking about her through out my day. I don't buy her gifts or plan evenings out with her.

When you start devoting more time and effort toward someone and neglecting your partner to spend more time with the one you are "thinking" about... thats when it turns into emotional cheating.

Your partner will notice this as well, when he or she sees and feels the change and the neglect from the emotional cheater.

Remember, cheating doesn't ALWAYS occur with physical contact. It can happen in other ways as well.

I wish · Mar 2, 2009, 09:33 AM

Yeah, dreams is another debate. Some people would say that if we are able to dream about something, it means we must have thought about it consciously at some point, even for a split second.

I kind of disagree with this theory. There are things that we dream of that does not even exist in the world as we know it.

UnluckyDucky · Mar 2, 2009, 01:59 PM

There's a very clear difference between "fantasizing" and "cheating". Both men and women in committed relationships "fantasize" and its normal and some would argue its actually health to do this. I think that the difference is that once you start projecting romantic feelings towards someone other than your significant other (ie, more than just casual flirting), you're crossing that line into "emotional" cheating.

Rich11111 · Mar 2, 2009, 03:34 PM

Having a crush or physical attraction to someone I think is acceptable.
However, anything more than a crush, any genuine romantics feelings for someone counts to me as emotionally cheating which as some people have said, can be worse than than actually acting on a mere crush.

MsMewiththat · Mar 2, 2009, 03:42 PM

Crushes are weird too. Many people react and act so differently. Cheating can start the moment you think what if.. I tend to think if you are devoting time to this thought and energy to this thought and taking away from the relationship it's wrong. I also subscribe to the thought that bottom line you know how you feel and you know when it's wrong. If you can't share it, it's not right.