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suddenImpact · Mar 3, 2009, 05:40 AM

I disagree with you MS... how can you possibly control every though that goes through your mind to prevent this? That is like saying you can't ever "check someone out" while walking through the mall. You can't help it, I'm sure the ladies do it just as much as us guys (we just tend to stare longer lol) but if you see some 18-19 year old girl walking around wearing a mini skirt that could fit a 10 year old, you can't help but look, and for a split second, possibly think of some other things. Then reality sets back in, you walk right by her, and never think of her again. How can that be considered cheating? I have definitely thought "what if", but obviously have no feelings for the girl, never even touched or talked to her in any way, and will more than likely never see her again.

I wish · Mar 3, 2009, 07:02 AM

Originally Posted by suddenImpact

I disagree with you MS... how can you possibly control every though that goes through your mind to prevent this? That is like saying you can't ever "check someone out" while walking through the mall. You can't help it, I'm sure the ladies do it just as much as us guys (we just tend to stare longer lol) but if you see some 18-19 year old girl walking around wearing a mini skirt that could fit a 10 year old, you can't help but look, and for a split second, possibly think of some other things. Then reality sets back in, you walk right by her, and never think of her again. How can that be considered cheating? I have definitely thought "what if", but obviously have no feelings for the girl, never even touched or talked to her in any way, and will more than likely never see her again.

Exactly. Some people are more absolute and severe on what constitutes cheating. That is why I asked this question, I was wondering if there were people who were less strict on the term "cheating".

shaggy99 · Mar 3, 2009, 07:55 AM

I would never call that cheating, if you have a sexual fantasy with someone else so be it. It's human nature if you can't get over that your immature and jealous.

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 08:05 AM

Being attracted to other people, is human, it's not controllable and I wouldn't call that cheating. What you are talking about involves NO emotions. It's a physical response, even fantasies don't involve emotions.

When you emotionally cheat, you have a connection with someone who is not your significant other. You have a bond, you may imagine a life together. There are feelings, not just physical, but emotional (ie love, lust, infatuation) attraction to another person. It is harmful to a relationship because once you are in a situation where you are emotionally separated you are not giving 100% to your significant other, because you don't have 100% left to give.

It is far more harmful to a relationship to be emotionally cheated on, because you will have your body back, but when someone touches your mind and heart, those aren't things you turn off as easily. Emotional cheating requires time and a relationship.

MsMewiththat · Mar 3, 2009, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by suddenImpact

I disagree with you MS... how can you possibly control every though that goes through your mind to prevent this? That is like saying you can't ever "check someone out" while walking through the mall. You can't help it, I'm sure the ladies do it just as much as us guys (we just tend to stare longer lol) but if you see some 18-19 year old girl walking around wearing a mini skirt that could fit a 10 year old, you can't help but look, and for a split second, possibly think of some other things. Then reality sets back in, you walk right by her, and never think of her again. How can that be considered cheating? I have definitely thought "what if", but obviously have no feelings for the girl, never even touched or talked to her in any way, and will more than likely never see her again.

Sudden Impact you have taken what I wrote way too literally. What I mean by time and energy is just this... Scenario...
Your wife has a friend her friend comes over a couple times a week. She's hot... you stare. You realize after a couple of visits she's good eye candy. She leaves your still thinking about her. She comes around again, your thinking... your flirting, it's a "crush" she leaves... your still thinking. You start asking questions... it's innocent. She comes around your thinking... Still nothing has physically happened. However, it's not necessarily right. Also... people can be so transparent when they find someone attractive and they walk that line of innocent flirtation.
After a while that is time and energy away from your relationship. That is different than just your run of the mill girl that walks by with a short skirt on. That's how I meant what I was describing. It can become hurtful to the person that has to watch their significant other make a jackA$$ out of him/herself... you know what I mean?

shaggy99 · Mar 3, 2009, 08:50 AM

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Sudden Impact you have taken what I wrote way too literally. What I mean by time and energy is just this..... Scenario...
Your wife has a friend her friend comes over a couple times a week. She's hot... you stare. You realize after a couple of visits she's good eye candy. She leaves your still thinking about her. She comes around again, your thinking... your flirting, it's a "crush" she leaves... your still thinking. You start asking questions... it's innocent. She comes around your thinking... Still nothing has physically happened. However, it's not necessarily right. Also... people can be so transparent when they find someone attractive and they walk that line of innocent flirtation.
After a while that is time and energy away from your relationship. That is different than just your run of the mill girl that walks by with a short skirt on. That's how I meant what I was describing. It can become hurtful to the person that has to watch their husband make a jackA$$ out of himself...... ya know what I mean?

I see what your saying it'd aggitate me if my girlfriend started flirting to another guy, but if its just a visual looking fantasy there's nothing you can do about it every guy is like that if you find one that isn't I doubt he's straight.

suddenImpact · Mar 3, 2009, 08:56 AM

I do know what you mean... that kind of flirting, although I agree is not right, I wouldn't consider it cheating still. In that situation, I think the right thing for the guy to do is tell his wife, he don't feel comfortable with her around or something like that. Maybe even say why if he feels he can. I don't think these situations are completely avoidable though. Most people work with at least one person they find attractive, and if that person comes and talks with you, and maybe flirts a little, I'm sure most people are going to flirt back a little. Co-workers you can't just push away, or avoid as easily. Its going to happen. No matter who you are or who your with, on occasion, it will.

MsMewiththat · Mar 3, 2009, 08:59 AM

And it's not just the fantasy... it's the time and energy you spend thinking about that person and it begins to show when you are around that person... it's a fine line, but it can happen quickly and then it becomes cheating in my mind. It's okay that we disagree, that is what this is about... what does it mean to you. To me fantasizing, thinking about people when they are not physically ever around you isn't a big deal. <---meaning celebrities or people put out their for us to possibly admire. Playboy chicks or penthouse girls whatever. The girl walking down the mall, she's hot whatever. My sister, my friend, cousin, co-worker... crushes that turn into flirting etc. now that's walking a fine line... even though she hasn't taken you up on anything and may not notice it herself... doesn't mean your thoughts are right? Cheating, maybe it's a strong word, but if you can't sit down and say honey, your sister has been in my dreams all month. She's hot. What do you call it?

Justwantfair · Mar 3, 2009, 09:00 AM

I don't even agree that innocent flirting is crossing a line. Some men and women interact differently, I have been known to make more than my share of a suggestive comment or two, but that by no means is any indication that I would follow through and it isn't an emotional attachment.

As far as your example Ms, I am not even sure that would be cheating. Assuming the wife is always there, since it is her friend and all the man had done is find her attractive and done a little fantasizing, it's relatively harmless, IF both parties keep it at that level. I don't see the time and energy lost in the relationship in your example.

Mostly when people start emotionally cheating there partner is not in the same room. Once the set up moves from my friend over to visit me to over to visit my significant other when I am not there. A line is crossed.

MsMewiththat · Mar 3, 2009, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by suddenImpact

I do know what you mean... that kind of flirting, although I agree is not right, I wouldn't consider it cheating still. In that situation, I think the right thing for the guy to do is tell his wife, he don't feel comfortable with her around or something like that. Maybe even say why if he feels he can. I don't think these situations are completely avoidable though. Most people work with at least one person they find attractive, and if that person comes and talks with you, and maybe flirts a little, I'm sure most people are going to flirt back a little. Co-workers you can't just push away, or avoid as easily. Its going to happen. No matter who you are or who your with, on occasion, it will.

And it does, of course,it's all about how you handle it that defines it. It feels good to have people attracted to you, just don't let it get out of hand. We have boundaries and we all know what the person in our lives would find offensive or hurtful to them. It's all about keeping it within the boundaries... coloring in the lines so to speak.

shaggy99 · Mar 3, 2009, 09:04 AM

Well if your sister was ever in any of your boyfriends minds theyd never tell you because obviously it'd piss you off like no tomorrow and be dumped in a heart beat. Which is what I see your getting at but also, we'd never say ooh man that girl at the mall I been thinking about her all month I can't get her off my mind, you know. I'm sure youv even had fantasies with other people while dating someone it happens and its natural. And I agree with sudden impact flirting is going to happen whether its at work in the office or going to the convient store to get some gum

I wish · Mar 3, 2009, 09:05 AM

I think that we can all agree that the level of intimacy with the other person plays an important role in defining "cheating".

If we are able to draw a line with that person, thinking about it isn't as serious an offence, just yet.

How about when we start depending emotionally on that other person instead of our boyfriend or girlfriend? We could easily go to our friends, but we end up going to the person we feel some attraction to...

kctiger · Mar 3, 2009, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

I think that we can all agree that the level of intimacy with the other person plays an important role in defining "cheating".

If we are able to draw a line with that person, thinking about it isn't as serious an offence, just yet.

How about when we start depending emotionally on that other person instead of our bf or gf? We could easily go to our friends, but we end up going to the person we feel some attraction to...

In my book, this is where it begins to cross the line... two types of cheating: emotional, and physical... this falls into the emotional category. Feelings are one thing, actions are a totally different thing.

suddenImpact · Mar 3, 2009, 09:18 AM

I can agree with that... I say when it gets to where you depend on another person emotionally, it can be crossing a line.

MsMewiththat · Mar 3, 2009, 09:52 AM

Great choice of words... depend on... I agree

suddenImpact · Mar 3, 2009, 10:06 AM

Oh man... does this mean the debate is over? Now I have to get back to work :(

I wish · Mar 5, 2009, 10:49 AM

Thanks for all the answers!

The reason I posted this thread is because I know quite a few people who are really absolute on this matter. As in... "If you really loved that person, you wouldn't even think twice about someone else... and that feelings for someone else would automatically be blocked out."

I thought it was just me who finds this reasoning a little bit extreme...

Romefalls19 · Mar 5, 2009, 10:53 AM

It depends, I wouldn't consider it emotional cheating unless you talk to this woman or interact with her and begin to decline with your part of the relationship. I think everyone has thought about someone else, only looks wise. Once you start thinking about how a relationship would be, then it's emotional cheating.

Izzyy · May 21, 2009, 05:34 PM

Not cheating but if your going to think about someone else than what's the point of even being with the other?

N0help4u · May 22, 2009, 12:31 PM

It is normal to think of someone else from time to time. It is emotional cheating when you continue to dwell on the person.