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    blueiman's Avatar
    blueiman Posts: 158, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Aug 22, 2006, 08:30 AM
    What are your plans
    She: what are your plans for this evening?
    Him: I plan to go to the store and pu one item.
    She: OK, I will talk to you later.
    Him: OK, talk to you later.
    Later...
    She: did you go to the store?
    Him: nope
    She: oh if I would have know that I would have invited you over for dinner.
    Him: why didn't you invite me when we where talked earlier?
    She: because you said you where going to the store. So, I did not ask you over for dinner because you had plans.
    Him: if I would have known the invitation was there I would have gone to the store after dinner.
    Both couples puzzled...

    Did the communication break down? If so, who broke it? Him, her or both. And why?
    aqua@home's Avatar
    aqua@home Posts: 565, Reputation: 107
    Senior Member
     
    #2

    Aug 22, 2006, 08:55 AM
    I think both people screwed up here. No one was willing to elaborate on any of their ideas. This seems to be part of a conversation. Why didn't he ask "why, what are you doing this evening?" Why didn't she say something like "what are you doing before/after you go to the store?" Again, this seems like a part of a conversation with a whole lot of the inbetweens missing.
    blueiman's Avatar
    blueiman Posts: 158, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Aug 23, 2006, 04:54 AM
    Seems to me if she was thinking of asking you over for dinner. She would simple say, would you like to come over for dinner? And he would answer depending on what his plans are. Yes I can do that or no thanks I have to go to the store or sure see you for dinner and I will go to the store after. But who cares what his plans are so why does she ask... you don't ask someone what are you doing if they plan to invite you over. So, I see it as her fault not his.

    I still think she was wrong. She wanted to ask him over for dinner. But, rather than just ask him she first wanted to know if he had plans. He answered her question and there was no reason to ask why do you ask. It would be up to her to reply with, oh well I was going to invite you over for dinner and if your plans change let me know... he would have the opportunity to change or adjust his plans accordingly. Again I believe she did not communicate well. Why did he not communicate well?
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #4

    Aug 23, 2006, 05:20 AM
    Who are these people thou?
    Friends, partners what?

    Could it be the reason why she didn't ask him because she felt awkuared as he had plans already!
    I don't know really, it all depends on the scenario of the people and what's there connection!

    If they are a couple... then they have serious issues!
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #5

    Aug 23, 2006, 05:45 AM
    Life isn't really as complicated as these people make it out to me. It doesn't have to be a big drama at every turn. Here's a possible way it could turn out when two people are self-confident:

    She: what are your plans for this evening?
    Him: I plan to go to the store and pu one item.
    She: OK, I will talk to you later.
    Him: OK, talk to you later.
    Later...
    She: did you go to the store?
    Him: nope
    She: oh if I would have know that I would have invited you over for dinner.
    Him: why didn't you invite me when we where talked earlier?
    She: because you said you where going to the store. So, I did not ask you over for dinner because you had plans.
    Him: if I would have known the invitation was there I would have gone to the store after dinner (which is a nice thing to say since it shows that she ranks higher than going to the store:))
    her: ok I'll remember that for next time, do you want to pop over now?
    ... and so on like a regular couple starting out on the dating path
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Aug 23, 2006, 06:17 AM
    Yes I agree NK, she could have asked him that at the end to keep the conversation flowing!

    Im glad to you said it to NK, about life isn't as complicated as they make it out to be, maybe some people like drame... who knows!
    I mean relationships shouldn't be about pety arguments like this! If all couples argued about such issues then there would be no couples on this earth! One should not read so much into specifics of a conversation or what happened, but should plan a way to make it more clear and work better next time...
    Not "its your fault coz u said this" etc
    aqua@home's Avatar
    aqua@home Posts: 565, Reputation: 107
    Senior Member
     
    #7

    Aug 23, 2006, 09:56 AM
    Ok... blueiman, I think you just want to be right. I stand by my answer that both people screwed up. Please don't disagree with my opinion... my opinion can't be wrong, it's MY opinion. I did not say anything factually wrong.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #8

    Aug 23, 2006, 10:37 AM
    People keep trying to help Blue. But he doesn't listen.

    I hope to hell this isn't the same gal... but, knowing him, it is.
    aqua@home's Avatar
    aqua@home Posts: 565, Reputation: 107
    Senior Member
     
    #9

    Aug 23, 2006, 01:37 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by blueiman
    why did he not communicate well?

    How about because he didn't go any further. He didn't say, these are my plans... what are yours... he did nothing except answer her question. He didn't take it any initiative to go any further. Great conversationalist. I don't think there has to be a right or wrong. In relationships it is not important who is right or wrong. It's more important that both people try something different the next time.

    Good luck!
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Aug 24, 2006, 12:53 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by aqua@home
    Ok....blueiman, I think you just want to be right. I stand by my answer that both people screwed up. Please don't disagree with my opinion...my opinion can't be wrong, it's MY opinion. I did not say anything factually wrong.

    Couldn't spread my love aqua, but I wanted to say I absolutely agree with your note, makes complete sense!
    You are right.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #11

    Aug 24, 2006, 05:38 AM
    How about a real thread with a real question instead of a TEST! If you disagree, I don't care!
    blueiman's Avatar
    blueiman Posts: 158, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #12

    Aug 24, 2006, 02:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    How about a real thread with a real question instead of a TEST! If you disagree, I don't care!
    OK, if you don't care than why are you posting this question?
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #13

    Aug 24, 2006, 03:17 PM
    Dude - one question. Is this the same gal?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #14

    Aug 24, 2006, 03:32 PM
    At this point I think it best for most of us to stay away from these posts. In my opinion it is a test to see if we will answer.
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #15

    Aug 24, 2006, 03:34 PM
    I agree. It's getting weird. And he didn't respond to my 1st question so I thin it is the same women. So I understand his confusion.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #16

    Aug 24, 2006, 04:16 PM
    It is a test. In another thread he ordered people to read and answer his thread.. I can't remember the thread it was in but I'm sure he told krs and others to answer his post.
    He wants the attention. We must stop giving it to him.

    Disagree Blue. Ill only get others who agree!
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #17

    Aug 24, 2006, 04:17 PM
    I have decided not to participate in anymore of his questions. He seems to be a total manipulator and thrives on drama.

    I am hoping others follow as we have people that really need help and are willing to listen.

    Here is a prime example:

    Originally posted by blueiman
    im going back to what if... i have so many friends that have experienced all kinds of issues and i plan to cont with there stories with thier approval of course. my own problems i can deal with but many people here dont think i can. you dont really know me at all.
    Are these going to be stories of his friends or of himself?

    You be the judge.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #18

    Aug 24, 2006, 11:53 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Skell
    It is a test. In another thread he ordered people to read and answer his thread.. i can't remember the thread it was in but im sure he told krs and others to answer his post.
    He wants the attention. We must stop giving it to him.

    Go ahead and disagree Blue. Ill only get others who agree!
    Yep Skell I remember that post too actually!
    ilovcali's Avatar
    ilovcali Posts: 206, Reputation: 85
    Full Member
     
    #19

    Aug 25, 2006, 12:35 AM
    I don't mean to be offense, but it seems to me, based on some of your posts, and this one in particular, you seem to blame the WOMAN regardless of the situation.

    Also, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TRYING TO ANALYZE here? Call me stupid, but I really don't even understand what you're asking. It seems like you're creating a BIG DEAL out of NOTHING. I don't think either party was wrong in this conversation. There was no wrong or right about it.

    Honestly, at the end of the second conversation, I would have said,

    "Well how about we hang out tonight anyway? Let's just kick it and do something together."

    Why judge her for what you THINK she should have said? If I were the girl, and I really liked this guy, maybe I'd be thinking, WHY DIDN'T HE ASK TO DO SOMETHING WITH ME ANYWAY?

    Did you ever think of that? Don't get me wrong, there are definitely screwed up women. But there are also PLENTY of screwed up guys. It seems like you have a vendetta against all women, or you're on a mission to prove women are ALWAYS WRONG. They're not. NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE YOUR EX! If they were, all of guys would be single.

    Honestly, and I hope the ladies don't get too mad at me, LET WOMEN THINK, men should DO. Women always think, always analyze. You start doing that too, you'll GO NUTS. Men are not designed like that. We're very simple and we should keep things simple. As a guy, GO WITH THE FLOW. GO WITH THE FLOW. Let the girl think. If you have to think so much, about a phone conversation, you're doomed.

    Honestly, I just got out of a very intense relationship, but I've not forgetten the CARDINAL RULE. Make her LAUGH! No matter what, make her LAUGH! If you think so much, you'll never make her LAUGH! And if you can't make her laugh, she's never going to like you. NEVER. That's the first thing a guy has to do, make your girl LAUGH.

    The new girl I'm dating, thinks I'm an idiot who makes her laugh like crazy. Even with my ex, when I first started going out with her, she would laugh so hard, her jaw would hurt. I'm not making that up, she actually used to say that. Somewhere along the line, I started THINKING! I had some red flags in the relationship, perhaps that got me thinking too much. But that was one of my contributions to the demise of the relationship.

    If this was a conversation you had, you should have ASKED HER TO HANG OUT. Then you'd have more concrete evidence of her intent. If she really is interested, she'll say yes, unless she is trying to solve world hunger right then and there. And even then, she might say yes.

    Honestly, I think you're turning 1+1 into really difficult calculus, for no reason.
    flower81's Avatar
    flower81 Posts: 303, Reputation: 7
    Full Member
     
    #20

    Aug 25, 2006, 01:48 AM
    You seriously have something against this women...

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