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    Icingonthecake's Avatar
    Icingonthecake Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 23, 2009, 12:40 PM
    He Confused Me!
    I have been in a relationship with a wonderful, sweet man for the last 6 months. As we were driving home from shopping over the weekend he told me (as he did once before) that I am the best thing that has happened to him and his children. Great, wonderful news, right? He then proceeded to tell me that he was so deeply hurt by his ex-wife (she cheated on him numerous times, took their checking and saving accounts and left him with their 4 children). He then told me (here is the "what the heck" part) that he cares deeply for me and my daughter (I have no doubt he does) but he can't say right now he loves me. Being that he was so hurt it is hard to open up to loving me. He has been a single father for 6 years now with no previous relationship until I came along (I have known him 2 years... stopped seeing each other the first time after 3 months and reconnected 6 months ago and it has been wonderful ever since). I did not initiate the conversation so of course I was blindsided but I did know that he was not there in the relationship. He told me he knows I love him (I only told him once... after he told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to him and vowed to myself not to say it again until he was ready). He said I was the best woman he could ever hope for. I got emotional and he said that it was not a bad thing (him not being at the love stage yet) because he feels he will get there with me. Is it possible to have someone tell you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to them but not love you? I am so confused! Please help guys.
    SassyVixen's Avatar
    SassyVixen Posts: 16, Reputation: 5
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    #2

    Feb 23, 2009, 01:12 PM
    If you are happy being with him and he is happy being with you - that's all that really matters. I would guess that deep down he probably does love you, but is afraid to admit it to himself or to you because it would leave him vulnerable. It sounds like he was burned real bad by his first wife and even though it was a long time ago, he is still afraid of getting burned again.
    I know this because 19 years ago I swore I would never get married again. About 10 years later I met a man who changed my mind. It took him four years, but he was able to show me that he wanted to be in my life forever. Sometimes it just takes longer for people to get over their past and move on. Be patient and enjoy the "wonderful ever since" part that you mentioned in your question.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #3

    Feb 23, 2009, 01:46 PM

    Love can be showed in many ways and since he was burnt by his ex wife he takes his time whiuch is good. He isn't confused but is only taking his time with you and being cautious so relaxed and continue having a good time with him because you've a man that's cares about you.
    wolfgangqpublic's Avatar
    wolfgangqpublic Posts: 189, Reputation: 29
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    #4

    Feb 23, 2009, 02:05 PM

    YES! He's telling you that he's starting to open up to you, to be the person he was before his ex-wife, but he needs you to give him the time to do it. Six months is not a very long time, especially if he felt traumatized by the previous experience.

    I think there is absolutely no reason to panic here, and just continue moving forward enjoying each other's company and learning about each other.
    roxypox's Avatar
    roxypox Posts: 1,028, Reputation: 328
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    #5

    Feb 23, 2009, 02:33 PM
    I think that you can care about someone,( or love someone,) or have someone be the best thing that has ever happened... and still not be in love yet.

    Emotions are hard, and he seems to have been through a lot, but him saying that to you is a good thing though. He is opening up in a way. Of course I wasn't there and I don't know him, but it seems more as a: " be patient with me"- type of a thing. And that's good,

    And like sassyvixen said: all that matters right now, is really that the two of you enjoy each others company and are happy were you are right now.
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #6

    Feb 23, 2009, 02:57 PM

    I agree with the others. He is opening up to you and has showed you in his actions and words that he cares for you. He just wants it to be his timing and when he is ready to say it to you. Wants it to be special. There are some people that can never say it but does not mean they do not feel it.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #7

    Feb 24, 2009, 08:06 PM

    His honesty was a sign of deep feelings and caring and respect, and that's a lot for only 6 months. You have something to build on, if your as open and PATIENT, as he is trying to be. If he didn't care, he would have said nothing.

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