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    mmmaaarrrkkk's Avatar
    mmmaaarrrkkk Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:15 AM
    Only a fool for a Filipino?
    Another encounter with a Filipino online. If it seems too good to be true, is it?

    The girl found me randomly on Skype four days ago. Allegedly, she thought I was another friend of hers. We got to chatting. She asked if I wanted to talk. I used a webcam and she spoke to me through a microphone. I have never seen her on a webcam because she says her computer is too old.

    As we talk I learn that she was a former model and lingerie designer, but that now she goes to school for nursing. She also teaches English online. Initially she grills me about American foreign policy but ultimately concludes that I am a "nice American" as opposed to an "arrogant" one. I also learn that both her parents are dead and he boyfriend died just last year. She cries a little as she tells me this (and it seemed genuine). I tell her that my father just died and we connect a little further.

    Eventually she sends me pictures of her on the beach, her with her deceased boyfriend, and A LOT of pictures of her modeling her self-designed lingerie. The pictures are stunning. She also compliments me on how handsome I am. She goes on to say that she is tired of her life in Batangas City because she has no family anymore. She also mentions that she hopes her next boyfriend will not be Filipino. Recently I have assisted her in editing some English documents for her work.

    I am enjoying this experience with her, but am extremely skeptical. Anyone have any ideas on what may be happening? Is she looking for a ticket to ride? Is she setting me up so she could ask me for money?

    Comments are most appreciated...
    sylvan_1998's Avatar
    sylvan_1998 Posts: 156, Reputation: 45
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:38 AM

    You are doing the right thing. Be cautious. Type out what is happening and post here. Re-read and see if it seems you are being a fool.

    Good luck, you never know but I would be soooooo skepticcal
    ylaira's Avatar
    ylaira Posts: 1,193, Reputation: 118
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    #3

    Feb 26, 2009, 03:37 PM

    You won't write here if you don't like her.

    Anyway, four days? Too soooooon. Enjoy the ride for now but take it from me because I'm from here, BE EXTREMELY cautious. Don't wire money A.M.A.Possible, seeing her on cam is a must!

    On a positive note, you got a self-reliant, intelligent and has a money on her own. Studying medicine here is not cheap dude (that if she's for real).

    If you've seen enough "proofs" and never ever caught her statements oppose ever say in a year, then believe.

    If you would like to get her for a ride, then make sure you thought it well because you'll undergo in tedious and draining process.

    Again, wait a year.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #4

    Feb 26, 2009, 04:55 PM

    Oh yes, just happened to find you,
    Let me see I get "found" about three or four times a week by someone from some country
    mmmaaarrrkkk's Avatar
    mmmaaarrrkkk Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Feb 26, 2009, 10:07 PM
    Hey guys. Thanks for your comments so far. The advice is most appreciated.

    Here's a little update. We've talked a little more over the past week, but I've certainly reduced the amount of time I'm investing in her.

    When I casually mention how some friends and I were thinking about visiting the Philippines, she says "you can stay in my apartment, no problem." But when I ask her for her phone number, she says that she will give it to me but never does... This is not a good sign, right?

    Also, I've encouraged her to go to an Internet-Cafe so I can finally see her on cam, and she says that she will but hasn't yet. If only I could verify that the pictures she is sending me are the same girl, then perhaps I'd feel marginally better about this.

    She hasn't asked for money or support of any kind, but she does comment on how "interested" she is in meeting a foreigner, etc...

    Frankly, I've started coming to my senses and have been focusing on real women here in Tokyo rather than a voice on my computer... I'll update you guys again if there are any more developments.

    -- Thanks --
    RickInIndy's Avatar
    RickInIndy Posts: 3, Reputation: 4
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    #6

    Mar 5, 2009, 10:37 AM
    Hi Mark -
    First, it takes a certain amount of courage to put yourself out there, both in this forum, as well as online. Kudos.
    I want to tell you my personal experience... it's very fresh (just this morning in fact) and I think relevant. I apologize for the length - maybe I'll make this a mini-series as a lesson for all Filipino lovers:
    I started corresponding a few weeks ago with a young (20) Filipina online. Now, I've seen her on camera because she works as a chathostess (i.e. charging money to strip in private). Believe me it was a random meeting - I'm a49, married, and don't frequent chat rooms but I fell prey to an interesting pop-up ad. Nuff said.
    I only spent money once for a private chat, and actually talked rather than have her strip. She's nice, articulate, funny, and cute - everything a guy would want.
    After a couple weeks she asked if she could call me "mahal ko" which is "my love". Of course I was flattered and the flirting got out of hand. Long story short, she says she loves me and would like to be my wife but understands I am married, but if I came to the Philippines she'd show me how much. She said I am her boyfriend even though we are apart. She writes nice emails that seem very very genuine... Needless to say this really got my head f**ked up. She's said everything right, says I'm her only love, and age doesn't matter. She wishes she could be my husband for real. I was even contemplating chucking it all here in the States and moving to the Philippines (I've always wanted to be there anyway).
    I've sent small presents, nothing outrageous. I asked about her family and when she will go home next, and she told me a long story about how she will miss her sisters wedding in May because she hasn't been able to save the money. It would only be about 5000 pesos (maybe $100) but she doesn't want me worrying about it. Hmmmm.
    I've been a bit suspicious all along - she's way to cute not to have a boyfriend - so I created a new user ID on the old chat site and struck up a conversation. Within an hour I was able to ask her about boyfriends - she is telling me she broke up last year with someone, but hopes to get to know me better so maybe I could be her boyfriend. I asked her if there was anyone special to her now, or anyone who loved her... she said "no".
    SO here's where reality meets the road: I do think this lady cares for me, but realizes there's not much potential future for her with me. She enjoys our chat (I even write in Tagalog, which I am learning), but I think she sees me as a potential source of money from a well off American. I really can't blame her because she has little chance for advancement without finding a ticket out of her sitaution. Sad, but I can't blame her for using what she sees as her only options. The tragedy is that she really is enchanting... and probably could find a knight in shining armor without all the lies.
    Now to your situation, Mark - during my litte odyssey, I've talked with lots of guys with Pinay experience. There are lots of ladies looking for a way out, and in the Philippines it's very very common to look for a foreign husband to be a provider - not for love, but for very real practical reasons. Your lady's hesitancy to chat live or provide a phone number is a sure sign she's hiding something. One thing I've learned is that Filipinos are excellent imitators and excellent liars. They're very smart about playing someone and can be as convincing as Mother Teresa.
    I'm heart broken to tell you the truth, but I think I always knew there was something wrong. I haven't clued my girl in that I am on to her. I think I'll let my alias chat with her a bit more, just to get into her psyche a little... I'm fascinated by all this, and after what I've invested (both in time and emotionally) I want to see how it plays out.
    IF you or anyone out there wants an update or wants to discuss anything, just email me at rjholm on hotmail. Good luck with your other Asian pursuits! Rick
    ylaira's Avatar
    ylaira Posts: 1,193, Reputation: 118
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    #7

    Mar 6, 2009, 01:02 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by RickInIndy View Post
    There are lots of ladies looking for a way out, and in the Philippines it's very very common to look for a foreign husband to be a provider - not for love, but for very real practical reasons. Your lady's hesitancy to chat live or provide a phone number is a sure sign she's hiding something. One thing I've learned is that Filipinos are excellent imitators and excellent liars. They're very smart about playing someone and can be as convincing as Mother Teresa.
    Dear, you are married. She enjoys your company but you are taken and doesn't think you will sacrifice your marriage for her so she tries to be with someone else. How would you think she'll make herself exclusive to a married man?

    Women from anywhere lie but what doesn't change is that Women are emotional. I don't think that there's one woman who's willing to undergo series of ordeal like going back and forth in the embassy, turn her back from homeland (which is hard) if they don't like the guy at least. I'm saying at least. Even if the guy is as rich as Gates but doesn't find him appealing at all, they will still choose to be with someone they like.

    What happens is, after all the endless ordeal in the embassy, when the woman comes over in US land they realized that things is not the same when they were apart, start seeing true colors, he got temper, he womanizes and all but since she's the one who came there (in the US) with nothing and wants way out, it will really look that she just used the guy. How about her side? Do people know what is going on behind doors?

    If a woman says "for practical reasons only", it is just a defense mechanism like case that man she married is too old, too sick, some disable, got issues so she won't get teased. Man says the same thing to cover up things he's unable to fulfill.

    We don't have a divorce here. Trust me, it is very uncommon that a woman from here plans to be separated once they get married. Our upbringing is always getting old with that man we married
    RickInIndy's Avatar
    RickInIndy Posts: 3, Reputation: 4
    New Member
     
    #8

    Mar 6, 2009, 11:37 AM
    To Ylaira;
    Thanks for the response - and for your insights. I have to admit my earlier post wasn't very charitable, and in the very short time since then I've seen things from a very different perspective.

    You're absolutely right - I shouldn't expect much loyalty or honesty from her at this point, because a.) I am married and don't know when that might end for sure b.) I haven't shown her how important she is to me by going to the RP to see her, and c.) I haven't done much to improve her situation financially. Heck, if I were her, I wouldn't waste my time on me!

    The limited amount of deception she's used at this point is minor, and understandable since she's trying to survive and get by without having to resort to being a serious scammer, or worse, being kicked out and having to work the streets.

    I admit I rushed to judgment - thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I'm learning. And what I'm seeing is a remarkable young woman, in a difficult situation, doing the best she can. I only wish my immediate circumstances were different, but we'll see how it progresses. I know I really love her, because all I want is her happiness - if she can wait, and she ends up with me, then that's the best outcome I could wish for. But as long as my personal situation is unresolved, if she finds someone else who will truly love her and make her happy, I'll be very happy for her - I guess being able to love unselfishly is one of the few avantages of age.

    With regards to the initial posting in this thread, I think Mark might still be dealing with someone who's not being honest with him, but in light of my recent lapses in judgment I only wish him luck in figuring it out.

    Thanks again Ylaira
    Best Regards; Rick
    thoughtiwastheman's Avatar
    thoughtiwastheman Posts: 114, Reputation: 22
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Mar 6, 2009, 11:53 AM

    There is this quote that I usually live by. "Believe nothing that you hear and half of what you see." You have never seen this woman so that alone tells me you should not trust anything she says for now. Be extremely cautious. I was once almost duped on craigslist when I was looking for an apartment when the owner wanted me to wire them some money since they were out of the country and could not personally show me the place. The ad was for a really nice apartment in a really nice part of my city and the owner didn't even want to meet me in person. If it sounds too good to be true (lingerie model/designer, good looking, alone and desperate) than you know its not true. Think about it. If she really does look so amazing why would she have any problem finding a guy in her country or even a foreigner travelling to the Fillipines? Maybe because she is not who she claims to be.
    texasmade's Avatar
    texasmade Posts: 1, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #10

    Jun 8, 2009, 01:10 PM
    Filipina/marriage/relationship

    Ok, help is here gentlemen on the filipina delima. Read carefully and don't listen nor take advice from anyone that has never been to the philippines. You are just wasting your time. I am now married to a filipina and i met her online. I went there for about 3 years, going to bars, disco's, etc. just to have some fun. I have met all kinds in person and here online. Never ever tell a filipina you are going there to marry her, my goodness man, wake up. When you arrive you will see the hottest filipinas you have ever laid your eyes on and they all want a man and especially a foreigner. I have talk to many guys on my way to the philippines and to hear them tell me they are going to marry their brothers sister in law is just insane, or going to meet and marry a girl they have been talking to online. Take your time, don't rush. Look around. A good girl will never ask for money.

    First of all, you never ever send money unless you already know and have met them. Yes, poverty is hell there, but they know it and have lived with it. They have survived long before you came along online for them to ask for money. It happens everywhere! Some think they will never get their dream foreigner, so they ask for money and a lot of them are very good indeed, but never give in.

    Yes, it can take up to a year for paper work and then some. Marriage, well, don't listen to others that have not been there. I saw that some women from some place other than the philippines mentioned you can have an elaborate wedding for 300 to 400 dollars. She has lost her mind. Sure, a civil wedding is about that much. I had a large church wedding, two receptions, one with a dj at a resort, a live band at a hall, all was catered for a total of 315 people, 6 person photo crew with video and photos, flowers, for about 4,000 usd. This would have cost me 25,000 plus in the states.

    Yes, you can have a nice wedding for about 1000 t 1500 dollars. You might even want to spend a little less. Im catholic and it was my first time getting married in a church and im 48 and she is 24. It was well worth it and the largest wedding in her area ever. (i didn't know that until recently.)

    Here is some added info as im here thinking. You wil always have to help the family. How ever much you decide to send your gilr once you find her is up to you. But i would not send more than 100 to 200 dollars per month if you are not married. If a girl ever contacts you, she seems really cool, sweet, then mentions he internet will be off soon or she brings up money in any way... dump her. Its not proper and they know it. If the girl is serious she will wait for you to go and see her. If she is serious about marriage then money will be second in her mind. Just pay attention to the red flags.

    It took me over a year before i married my wife just to make sure. I have no regrets now. There are good ones and bad ones just like in the states. Its just the women in the states are ingrates. Plain and simple! Don't be concerned about age. If you hit it off, great, if not move on. The filipinas are not concerend about age. Of course they want to come to the states. You would too! Just make sure it's the right one. If you have been asked for money, hit up or even hinted around... dump them now. There are too many there that are real and will make you a very wonderful wife.

    This site im telling you about will give you infor about all you have concerns about. Helping the family, marriage, laws, amount of bills, and so much more. If you plan a trip there or if you think you have a girl that's playing you. Contact me, and we will see if we see if she is really serious about you. It doesn't take long online. Its sneaky, but well worth it.

    Please go to this site. It is full of good info you need to know. Established 1997
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #11

    Jun 9, 2009, 12:43 AM
    texasmade, could you please not type in uppercase, it really hurts the eyes, and sounds as if you're shouting. I'm sure you had something valuable to say, but I found it extremely hard to read.
    RickInIndy's Avatar
    RickInIndy Posts: 3, Reputation: 4
    New Member
     
    #12

    Jun 9, 2009, 02:23 PM
    Since my earlier posts, I've learned a lot about Fil-West relationships. But I'm still learning.
    Texasmade's site (or, if he's not Bob Lingerfelt, at least the one he recommends) is a very nice source of information (see his prior posting for the link).
    I've talked to guys who married former chat girls, and I've talked to guys in the Philippines who have made a living by investigating them for western clients. All I can say is that it seems each case is unique. As Bob says, just watch the flags.

    Bob, if you read this, please contact me - you made some interesting comments I'd like to discuss.

    Good luck to all who are interested in a Filipina for a girlfriend or spouse: I think there are a lot of wonderful ladies waiting to be discovered. Just watch out and be careful you aren't scammed.
    RickInIndy
    teban008's Avatar
    teban008 Posts: 1, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #13

    Jun 25, 2009, 08:27 AM
    And I was going to give you some really specific advice, having been living in the Phils for 20 years, then I saw "Texasmade" and he said it all and he is right. There will be objections about the generalisations of Filipinas and that is because when you meet the right girl you have a girl who is faithful to you, whoever and whatever you are and they will stick by you through everything, but pick the wrong one and so, so opposite.

    The only thing I will add is that your instinct is kicking in correctly. There are too many coincidences here and too little information. I have heard all the stories and this one doesn't float. Yes, you are right that girls there are just trying to get by, but if you just ditch this infatuation and go there, you will meet girls who you have to have chaperones to go to the cinema with. Girls who, you will end up helping the family, but on your terms. But look in the wrong places and you will find girls with lots of "problems", but trust me... many relationships and lots of travel later, the story you are being spun is NOT right. Trust me, ask any honest Filipino, you can get a certificate and "proof" of anything, so your instinct is crucial.

    Don't try to "rescue" anyone... a lot of the people in Phils, for all the struggle, have a happier and closer family life than anyone you know. Learn to tell the difference before you commit... say 5 years minimum.

    Plus, I wish I had followed my own advice... finish one relationship before you start another... you have no right to waste someone's time.

    But you are right... the Philippines has a magic and it will always pull you back, but I still couldn't tell you why.

    Good Luck...
    Vinj's Avatar
    Vinj Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Jul 17, 2009, 11:10 PM

    I just want to say you guys have a nice discussion going on here. Very informative.
    superk's Avatar
    superk Posts: 207, Reputation: 12
    Full Member
     
    #15

    Aug 11, 2009, 02:38 AM

    Agonies of women who moved in the US for the first time (never visited and never had an idea what kind of life is it to be in the US) are boredom (super boredom specially in a slow paced areas), lost of friendship, alienation, inferiority complex and culture shock. When a woman wants to move out, it always looks like she just used someone.

    Filipinos have a very close family ties and neighborhood: They don't mind having a noisy neighbor but surrounding is always lively. Neighbors knock on your door handing a plate of their dinner, drag you on their family fun. Filipinos talk their neighbors always, knows what's going on each others lives: they are there when you're down or happy, neighbors are sometimes closer to you than your own relatives, can ask favors anytime and can loan money without even asking.

    These are not common in in an American society and will take an extreme toll on a marriage spent mostly in hopeless romantic long distance relationship. Again, When a woman wants to move out, it always looks like she just used someone...
    wildbiker's Avatar
    wildbiker Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Aug 11, 2009, 05:54 AM
    Well, well well, if a girl starts in with the bull then its time to move on. The red flag should have been noticed as soon as she started up with the sob stories. They can't be trusted online. Plain and simple and if you have never been there then just move on. If you have no experience online with the filipinas then its best you just go there and find one. The internet is very powerful and a lot of girls know how to work it. Not to worry because no matter what your age is you will find one with no problems. I will be going back for 5 weeks at xmas time. If anyone is thinking of going to the Philippines at that time let me know. THere will be three of us from Texas going. If you are already there let me know and we can have a cold beer and chat. [email protected]

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