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lostinmylife · Feb 17, 2009, 11:41 AM

I don't know what to do or where to turn. Let me start from the top I lost my job a year ago and just now found a new one. But it might just be to late. I've been with my girlfriend for almost four years now and due to me being out of work everything started going down hill. She always says things like she's tired and that I should never be because I don't work anyway, and that I'm just using her. But, mind you I have keep the same job for three of the pass four years that we have been together. Today we had a big fight and I think that it might be over I had to move in with her and she always throw it in my face. I'm no bum I just fell on hard times. She has been my longest relationship, the but the pain of staying is becoming too much for me. I don't know what to do I'm lost. PLEASE HELP

Justwantfair · Feb 17, 2009, 11:53 AM

Well you are either willing to see through this spell as things are on the upturn or you walk away now that you are in a better position to get your life together (then she will probably REALLY feel like you used her). Which do you prefer?

Shelesh · Feb 17, 2009, 11:54 AM

It's hard for you.. I understand. Well, I'll post an answer later, because am in a hurry right now..
Be more serious in life and show that you are responsible enough for her to trust you and go further in her relationship with you. Show how much you care for her.

Take care!

Your destiny is in your hand, shape it carefully and wisely.

Jake2008 · Feb 17, 2009, 12:00 PM

I would give it time, and I'll tell you why.

Presuming it was good before you lost your job a year ago, a year is a long time to support a person without being resentful. I would think the stress and pressure of not knowing what the future might bring, as well as worry and concern while you go through the ups and downs of looking for work, and being there for you when jobs didn't materialize, would test a saint.

I don't know a single soul who hasn't done something hurtful to another at some time during their relationship. Words come out that shouldn't, feelings are hurt, frustration and anger take over, and arguments happen. Nobody feels good about saying the words, and the person receiving them is naturally hurt; nobody wins those arguments.

With the new job, your life will turn back to relatively normal. You'll have money coming in, which will ease the pressure all the way around, you'll get back into a routine, and life will resume where it left off.

If you were married, I'd say this is a good example of loving someone through good times, and in bad.

As you already have a major change with the new job, let that get comfortable first, and then if things do not improve, well, that is another decision to make after things have settled down again.

Take all the words and hurtful comments in stride, and with a grain of salt is my opinion and advice here.

It is more likely than not unusual behaviour because it is an unusual situation. Just remember that although it was a year, it is still temporary in the bigger scope of things.

adam_89 · Feb 17, 2009, 12:02 PM

You can easily get back on your feet, and show her you aren't using her. You could move out, and in with someone else and then, when you get back to your feet, talk to her.

Shelesh · Feb 17, 2009, 12:12 PM

Honesty, communication, patience, trust; all these are important when building a relationship.
It's only a few I mentioned.

Choux · Feb 17, 2009, 04:24 PM

From what you said, it sounds like she thinks you are an unpleasant companion. That may be due to a depression.

You can do something to make yourself feel better and be a better companion.

Add some additional activities to your life, new friends... go to different and fun places and take your girlfriend.

Good luck to you, :)