[tamikiopruitt]

OK I am truly sorry if I offended you and hurt your feeling maybe I did take it thae wrong way I am not on this sight to make any enimies I'm new here and just wanted to really help someone I'm sorry. I would like to move on.

[J_9]

BIM, you are doing great!!

We are happy you are trying to work things out and that it seems to be going well. I will admit, I have not read EVERY post here, been too busy with school and all. But I do want to say that every once in a while we get a "glitch" in our system, it seems as though your "glitch" was tamikiopruitt.

Just ignore that and go on!!

[BIM]

BIM, you are doing great!!!!

We are happy you are trying to work things out and that it seems to be going well. I will admit, I have not read EVERY post here, been too busy with school and all. But I do want to say that every once in a while we get a "glitch" in our system, it seems as though your "glitch" was tamikiopruitt.

Just ignore that and go on!!!

Thank you J-9. Your comments are those that I do look for and respect. I am moving on... I can take a fair amount of critizism (working with all men and only 1 other women), I can usually let most roll off my back. But, felt I needed to speak up so someone else doesn't get "labeled."

I want to thank everyone that commented on this thread. I have learned a lot and have truly enjoyed everyone's honest opinions and feedback.

This sight is very addictive, but it kindof fills a void in my life. Something to do when you want to maybe talk with other people. (sort of)

Much thanks. You all feel like friends. ;)

[BIM]

ok i am truly sorry if i offended you and hurt your feeling maybe i did take it thae wrong way iam not on this sight to make any enimies im new here and just wanted to really help someone i m sorry. i would like to move on.

Sounds good! :p

[momincali]

Loved your defense. So true. That kind of fire can only be good. Shows you will fight for your marriage and win. Love that about you Bim, you're a good gal!

[talaniman]

Bim- You certainly can defend yourself and remind me to stay on your good side. A lot of times people decide on advice before at least reading the whole thread, sometimes you have to reread it and you still don't understand what it is you've read. You have to take what they say with a grain of salt or as you did stand your ground against attack, Very well done. Tough guy... er... gal.

[K_3]

ok i am truly sorry if i offended you and hurt your feeling maybe i did take it thae wrong way iam not on this sight to make any enimies im new here and just wanted to really help someone i m sorry. i would like to move on.

This happens from time to time when all of the posts are not read. I guess you learned right of to read them all, things can happen from one page to another. Good of you to apoloize.:)

[BIM]

Hubby better get his butt in gear before you get tired of working on this marraige by yourself, but I don't have a lot of sympathy for him right now either. Just make sure YOU continue to grow, BIM.

Tal, I went back and read through everyone's opinions again, for strength because he still makes comments, and I feel exactly like this right now. I posted a new thread "Here I am again" and explained the "now" situation.

I just wanted you to know, just because. :(

How do people handle feeling like they are falling out of love at 40, and hurting AGAIN, man life sucks.

How do I start all over, get a house, move, $hit I don't even know where I would begin. We are not there yet, but I hurt inside now instead of being angry----I've tried so hard for 4 month and I don't think he will get over this. I think what bugs me also, is I put myself here---and he tells me that not only in words but actions and attitude.

Anyway... thanks.

[Wildcat21]

Well - that's what you do. I can't ever see you staying in your particular situation. Seems like your husband lost it big time.

We've had several posts recently on abuse - and this wha the is doing to you.

You've TRIED to make things better - he is STILL at square one.

You have to move forward and do that and you will start feeling better.

[BIM]

Well - that's what you do. I can't ever see you staying in your particular situation. Seems like your husband lost it big time.

We've had several posts recently on abuse - and this wha the is doing to you.

You've TRIED to make things better - he is STILL at square one.

You have to move forward and do that and you will start feeling better.

Thanks Cat :o Do you ever feel like things just never get better? $hit man-I do. Things just suck right now! I look forward to going to work just to get away from crap!

I've put everything into this "life" we bought an acreage about 3 years ago. Remember that song "Here I go again on my own, down the only road I've ever known like a drifter I was born to walk alone"... that's me.

[talaniman]

PLAN A- deal with the truth

PLAN B- Put yourself first. And ccept that you love yourself when others do not. Being alone doesn't mean lonely. Being alone means you don't have to take any jerks stupidity.

PLAN C- FREEDOM comes at a cost but worth it

[Wildcat21]

Yes I have. (not the current one) when may last gal over a year and 1/2 ago broke with me - took really 6 months to fully heal. It sucked - vested too much emotions into it.

I know it sucks - and it really sucks with the time vested with him. People change I guess - he did.

You're going to have to go through a healing process. Maybe see a therapist I you can.

You won't be a lone another great man will come into your life - look for a different - be open to different men.

It's NOT a healthy situation you're in. I dated a gal that stayed in a VERY UNHEALTHY marriage for 10 years - it was really bad. You don't want that believe me.

[Tolle]

Wildcat, all I can say is that you are dead wrong about there always having to be "more to the story." I was in a similar situation, except there was no "flirting incident" to incite the behavior. My husband was wonderful the entire time we dated (3 years), then almost immediately after our wedding, he turned into a completely different person. He suddenly accused me of cheating on him (something he had never done before). He asked in depth and very inappropriate details about my exes and what the sex was like with them. He would follow me on my way home from work. He would search my phone, stare over my shoulder when I read my e-mail and interrogate me about every one that wasn't from my brother or my parents. He would behave in very similar ways as the original poster mentioned with constantly bringing it up and accusing me of primping up "for my boyfriends" if I put on more makeup than usual. I am not a touchy-feely type of person, and my family was never really big on hugs. I am a bit introverted and have no interest whatsoever in flirting, regardless if I'm in a relationship or not. And to those who brought up the possibility of domestic violence, you hit the nail dead on the head.

First it was outrageous accusations and off-handed (and extremely uncalled for) comments. Then it turned into small arguments that occurred several times a day, over anything. No, this was not the usual silly relationship bickering that most couples experience. This was like if I didn't wear the clothes he wanted me to wear (which were often more promiscuous than I liked), he would flip out and scream at me and refuse to let me out of the house dressed how I wanted (which was usually casual T-shirt and jeans type stuff). The small arguments grew into larger ones over time. Then the arguments became one-sided scream fests where he called me a stupid b.tch and a whore multiple times, at the top of his lungs, and would start to show signs of physical aggression, like cornering me or driving me against a wall. More time passed, and that grew into full on physical violence. He would hit me, choke me, kick me, throw furniture at me, stalk me, and be completely obsessed with being angry at me no matter what I did or didn't do. My mere existence seemed to ignite his temper and gradually fell into a state of low self-esteem. I felt beaten down and enslaved.

We were married for two years. Finally, I guess I snapped one day. He was having one of his daily fits and screaming at me as he pinned me against a wall, and I punched him. He staggered back, punched me back, but it didn't hurt. I was so charged with all the pent up fear and resentment for this man, I suddenly realized I no longer loved him or cared what became of him. I had only one thing in my mind: survival. I attacked him, and with strength I didn't know I possessed (and have never managed to repeat since), I threw him to the ground swinging my fists relentlessly. I finally struck a hard blow to his face that stunned him. I got up and ran out of the house and called a friend to pick me up. The next day, I went back to the house while he was at work and packed up all my personal effects. The next week, he was served with our divorce papers. I left all my money, property, everything I had worked so hard for, and left it with him just to expedite the process because I could not bear to spend one further day with him, and I've never looked back. I was surprised at how easy it was for me to move on with my life, because he had reduced me to so little that I really had nothing left to cling to by the time I left him.

I moved into another city and started my life over, and could not be happier about it. Every time I think about it, I'm thankful that God gave me the strength to find and rescue myself.

I didn't mean to practically write a book or even to compare your husband to mine, but every single one of the behaviors you mentioned from him are identical to the ones my husband started with. Long story short, beware of the possibility of domestic violence. It always starts with insecurities and controlling/jealous behavior, and he has no right to behave in ANY of the ways you mentioned, even if you flirted slightly more than you should have.

[neverme]

Eh Tolle,

Thanks for the essay but this thread is what... 2 1/2 years old??