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blio2000 · Feb 11, 2009, 08:51 AM

Hey everyone, this is my situation. I am 23 and my girlfriend is 21. We are high-school sweethearts and have been through a lot together. We fell in love after about 6 months together. We are out first EVERYTHING, including the relationship. The way she came into my life was amazing. It was true love all along. She recently started to show sings of wanting to see what else it out there yet every time we confronted it she said that she wanted to stay with me. I have done Everything for this girl and care about her so much. The love we share is hard to find. It was the kind of love you only dream about. To this day, when we see each other we can't help but show affection and out hearts race. We went out to grab a coffee for the last time together after she told me she wanted to see what else is out there. Some say she is very into herself, she likes that finer things in life. That night we stared at each other and she started to cry. Told me how much she loves me but and misses me, but missing me will not change her mind. She doesn't want to regret not experiencing the single life to make sure there isn't something else for her. She called out relationship a routine, yet we changed it up all the time. She said it was too serious and that she misses that new feeling. I don't know what to do. Her birthday is coming up next week and she still wants to be my friend. That I can't do, I love her too much. If she pursues someone else, I would be crushed. I initialized the NO CALL a little while ago. I got my closure asking her Was it true love, and she said definitely. Then I asked, were you happy until the end, and she said yes. Im so confused but I know this has to happen. Please give me some advice. I hope time does not fade our feelings for one another. She is looking for that dream guy who I believe she has already found. I don't know if he will ever come back, I would like to think so but sometimes I think its over. Sounds like she wants to keep me there until she finds something else, I don't want to be that guy. Thanks for your time everyone.

kctiger · Feb 11, 2009, 08:59 AM

I know this hurts, and all I can say is that I am sorry. Everyone on this website has been where you are, and a lot of us have come a long way in getting through this.

Cry, or do whatever you have to in order to get the emotions out of you. Read the stickies at the top of this forum, and vent as much as you need to. This is going to be tough, but I advise that you two leave each other alone for awhile, no contact. All too often do we think that the good never ends, and when it does, we have nothing there to hold us up.

So, here we are, to hold you up, until you can do so yourself. Good luck!

talaniman · Feb 14, 2009, 08:02 AM

Been through this myself, and I can tell you its going to hurt like hell but you must leave her alone and go about your own life. In time you will heal and understand, but for now just accept she is no longer part of your life. Break ups suck! They always will, but that first one is a killer. You will survive, and regroup, eventually, we all do.

Forget friends for now, just go NO CONTACT, and heal.

aszmhodeus · Feb 14, 2009, 11:00 AM

Hi,

I am sad about what happened to you and brings me back memories to what has happened more than 2 months ago to me. The same...

I tell you, do not try to get her back, you will only push her further away. Leave her the time to be alone. In fact, she will forget it in the end after some time, but you will reach the stage when you won`t want her back either.

Try to consume your time, first weeks is hard like hell, remember my own nights when I couldn`t sleep, when I wanted to contact her, when I missed her so much that I could've done anything for her.

I am 90% sure she probably wants to experience life without you for some time, to see what new things are out there, to be "free" (as my girlfriend said to me when this happened). I know it hurts and we men will never understand this, especially when our girls change their mind so fast (one day they love us, next day they think totally different). God, I remember the happy moments when we were together surrounded by nature, and we promised not to ever leave each other... :(

Taking it in a psychological point of view, this is normal to happen to most couples when you meet up in high-school. Not taking it in a negative way, but first great love never lasts for life. It can become only a happy memory what you will probably remember for a short moments even when you will be very very old.

Take care and be strong

blio2000 · Feb 17, 2009, 09:40 AM

Threads merged

Hey all,sorry this post is so long, I hope you read it, I really need some advice.

So my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about a week ago to see what else was out there. She felt as though our relationship was a routine and that she felt bogged down. To tell you the truth, I did everything for this girl. I treated her so well, and made sure I told her how much I love her every day. We are high school sweethearts. I am now 23 and she is 21 on Thursday. Last Friday we sat for a coffee for some closure. I asked her if it was true and she said yes. I asked her if she was happy until the end and she said yes. She started to cry and held my hands, told me how hard it was and that she wants to get back together but just didn't want to be back to the old routine. We are our first EVERYTHING and it means a lot. There is a connection there that is so strong, we get butterflies when we see each other still. Now that I haven't seen her for a week, she met somoene online! He added her on Facebook randomly and told her how beautiful she was, she fell into this trap and went to meet with him. She told her friends how she was seeing him now. How can she just throw away 5 years and feel comfortable after so long. She knows that our love is that once in a lifetime. We were so happy together and she told me just 2 weeks ago. I don't know anymore. She feels as though she can find something better because it is all she ever knows. I know that people say to move on and that you first love never lasts, but what if it can. Her parents were so close with me. Her life fit so perfectly into mine and vise versa. Im crushed right now. I respected her by waiting 2 years to become intimate. I can't believe she will not go and give that to someone else. Everyone, including her friends say that one day she will come running back, but Im trying so hard to move on because I don't want to feel like this every day. It makes me think everything she said about loving and missing me was garbage. It definitely hurts. I was sooo good to her, most of her friends envy what we had. The love was so strong and one day the passion left because she did not want to communicate. What does everyone think about this situation?? I feel as though time will just part us, and distant us, fading memories and feelings. Im afraid she will lose all feelings and become happy with this new individual. Well, that's my dilemma and I am scared to let go. We, including our parents thought we would get married. I still do, I just don't know what she is thinking. I told her I cannot talk to her anymore and that we would know whether the time is right to call or not. I told her I want her to be happy so that no matter what I will be that guy who always wanted her to happy. She met him the week after breakup and now it has been 12 days.

kctiger · Feb 17, 2009, 09:52 AM

My advice:

Look at it this way. You give yourself to someone for 5 years. You become attached to someone, love that person, respect that person, care for that person... all that stuff. One day, that person tells you, "Hey, I appreciate all the stuff you did for me, but I would like to see if there is anything else out there."

Translation, "Go f*** yourself. I am entirely too good for you, and frankly, I deserve better. If I don't find greener grass on the other side, then MAYBE I will come back to you. Wait here, and I will let you know."

Don't be afraid to let go. People come and go, throughout your entire life. I know it is easy for me to say, and hard for you to grasp, but move on, build YOUR life, and for God's sake, please don't take her back WHEN she comes running into your arms realizing her mistakes. A dog can only be hit so often before it finally realizes it shouldn't come back... (not trying to compare you to a dog).

Sorry for your loss, it hurts, but at least you know her true colors. Don't EVER let someone treat you like garbage, nor make you feel like they are the best you can do.

zeeniee · Feb 17, 2009, 10:12 AM

Yep I agree with kctiger, let her go- after all the effort you have place in this relationship you deserve better!

itried · Feb 17, 2009, 11:04 AM

My ex was the same as yours man. She told me that she appreciated everything that I had done for her and told her friends that I was the only guy who ever really cared for her. But in the end it's never enough for a girl to want to stay with you. The reason: self-esteem. When a woman is in a relationship for an extended period they start to miss being desirable, sexy and all that stuff. You can't give that to her because you've become too familiar to her and with her so it's not the same as some random guy hitting on her. This is clear in your case because some random guy comes along and tells her she's pretty and now she's eating out of his hand. It's pathetic, I know, but that's just the way they are. My ex told me that since she and I have broke up she has never felt so desirable. I just laughed when she said that because it just sounded so naïve.

You were with her for 5 years and respected her and it wasn't enough. Let her go out there and get used and abused, since really that's all most guys want to do to girls, and find out that she messed it all up herself. Like kctiger said, she has shown you her true colours, and you don't need someone like this. Find a woman, not a girl. If and when she comes back, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! You made a good call by telling her that you don't want to talk to her right now. Keep it up. I know it's going to be really, really hard but that's just the way it has to be. At this point, all you have is your pride, trust me when I say this, so don't lose it by giving in to her.

wolfgangqpublic · Feb 18, 2009, 10:11 AM

This type of result is very common in relationships when the woman is between 20-25 years of age. There are so many opportunities and avenues in life at that point in time (most non-romantic) that they often feel penned into the relationship, much of which is their own doing. There is also a self-esteem component, as itried said. They miss feeling desirable, and the ability to freely express it, as they perceive single friends to be doing (most of whom are desperate to have the kind of relationship they do). So the "grass is greener" situation becomes very enticing even when there is no sure thing. They don't hate you and you meant the world to them for a long time, and still matter to them now. They just need to figure out what the rest of the world has - and yeah, many of them will be chewed up and spit out.

Happened to me and my ex after a year. Happened to my best friend and his ex after more than three.

jessica1989999 · Feb 18, 2009, 10:16 AM

That sounds poo, was it out of the blue, or could you see it coming? I don't want to keep your hopes up but she might just want to have a bit of fun and then realise what she had with you was very special, it sounds pretty harsh after 5 years, but sometimes you just have to move on,

There's a routine in my relationship, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and sometimes it can be boring, and you find yourself thinking, is this it? Is this how my lifes going to be forever now, she's probably having some life crisis and will get over it in time, who knows, just try and go out with friends and meet new people. Build up your confidence

artlady · Feb 18, 2009, 10:32 AM

Sometimes people distance themselves for a long time *emotionally* before they make the official break.
That could explain her sudden need for space.

Maybe you did too much for her.Some young women*don't ask me why* like the bad boys.

The challenge or the need to reform someone or just the drama,I never got it personally but I know it happens.

For whatever reason,she has decided to leave and the bottom line is you can't make someone want you or love you.

I understand you are hurting but if she did this to you once,she can do it again.Think about this before you pine your life away on someone who hurt you this way.

blio2000 · Mar 3, 2009, 07:10 AM

Hey everyone, so last month my girlfriend and high school sweetheart broke up with me to see what else was out there. I cared deeply for her and did everything fir her. She is 21 and I am 22. A couple weeks after we met up and she told me how she felt like she was in a routine and that her life was a bubble. She wanted to get back with me, but didn't know. She started crying and wanted to stay friends. I could not wait on the doorstep while she played the field. I asked her if it was true and if she was happy until the end and she said yes. I initiated nc and it has been a month. A week later she met with someone and started dating shortly after. I was extremely close with her parents and now she is making me out to be a bad person. I'm doing everything recommended to move on. Her friends told me she in fact met him after the breakup not during and this was online. He is a smooth talking arrogant person and get friends despise him. I miss her a lot and keep waiting for her even after everything. I'm not as down anymore but sometimes it hits u. I don't know how she can move on so easily after the memories of 5 years. I treated her so well and many were envious of what we had. We still got nervous before seeing each after not being together for a few days. It was the kind of love that's hard to find. Need some advice on what to do now? What do you think about all this?

kctiger · Mar 3, 2009, 07:20 AM

This happens to a lot of people. Happened to me as well. There really isn't a clear explanation of why she bolted to another guy so fast... maybe she just needs the emotional crutch to get over you... maybe she has low self esteem... who knows, and frankly, it doesn't matter.

Wondering about the "why" in life isn't usually beneficial. You just need to take more time to get over this and stay away from her life. There is just no way you should be finding out any information on her, as it only causes you confusion and pain, which you don't need more of. This is OVER, period. It does not matter what she does with her life... what matters is what you do with yours.

This is a long, painful process that can have wonderful benefits in the end. Treat this like a death, cut ALL ties to her, and move on. Easier said than done, I know, but that is the reality of the situation. I remember the day I found out my ex was dating another guy, and, as painful as it was, it was literally the wake up call I needed. It was THEN that I realized any chance of reonciling was over. I got rid of EVERY single thing that reminded me of her, changed my number, and started rebuilding myself, as I was at a very low point for a long period after we broke up.

blio2000 · Mar 5, 2009, 02:45 PM

Hey everyone, so I've been NC for a month now. Trying hard to get over all this. I don't know what's going on with her a new boy toy and I shouldn't. Still very hard sometimes, especially mornings. Missing her a lot, and I read somewhere that it takes 1 month for every year to get over a relationship of this length and depth. I know she can't just throw it all away, its just that her new boyfriend is obviously blinding her. She has something and it makes it easier for her. I think I did do too much for her. Ive never given so much of myself to someone and there are a lot of sacrifices in 5 years. Everyone is shocked when they hear about this situation and how quickly she turned everything around and moved on. I definitely want to find someone who cares for me like I do her. Although I always wanted it to be her. First love is so hard to get over, but I know I will. Ive been hitting the gym, hanging out with some friends and going out. School is also taking up time. Sorry I just needed to vent again. I know this is not the person she is, I know what she wants after numerous talks about our future. This guy is so arrogant he's telling people he's already into the fam. My ex can easily manipulate her mother, but she can't her father. I was extremely close to him and will miss out golfing weekends lol. So she tried spreading rumors that I was stalking her so she deleted me off Facebook ( beat me to it) and telling her parents hurtful things. Her friends told me that they can see right through her and this guy is not for her. Anyway, this is where I am at. Still at NC which is helping me I guess, I just know that what we had is not finished. Ive said it and many have, one day she will come back but I'm not waiting. I may not be there when she does and I don't think that I would after she ruined our connection of being our first everything. Just seeing it in her eyes the last time we saw each other. Hard to explain, some know what I'm talking about. Even after all these hurtful things and the whole situation, I love her to death lol It was an amazing experience and I do not regret one thing. She made me a better person in knowing her and her family. She will always remember me as the one that wanted her to be happy no matter what. And this is what I told her the last time we spoke. In my heart, As long as she's happy I am happy. No need to be with me only if I feel it and she doesn't. Sucks to say but its true. I know that she was one, but I'm sure something will come along to replace the love. It will not be the same, but different in a better way. After reading all of these posts, it has helped a lot. If you don't mind I would like to keep everyone posted as to my feelings, and thoughts. Thanks again

artlady · Mar 5, 2009, 02:58 PM

Good for you! You are moving on and the update is appreciated.I think you need to be an expert here and advise people on the NC rule and how you managed to get through it!
You have come to the *acceptance* stage and now you can really begin the process of moving on! ;)

talaniman · Mar 5, 2009, 03:15 PM

If it helps, I thought all my exes were the one, so loving, and caring isn't wrong, its just that breaking those very emotional, and intense attachments, you so enjoyed, sucks.

It never gets easier, but you will know what to expect and how to cope and make some adjustments.

Keep coming back, as we all know how it goes.

Rich11111 · Apr 1, 2009, 12:14 PM

If she ever does come back, to get back together or just be friends then you have to say no. She dumped you to see other people, met someone else in a matter of weeks and is accusing you of stalking her.
The was a post here not long ago with great relationship advice, I can't remember who it was by but I remember it saying
"If a relationship ends because she was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends.' A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend."
Also they say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

blio2000 · Apr 2, 2009, 08:43 PM

Hey, just stopping by. Ive been reading the posts over the past couple weeks and trying to take in all the advice I can for myself. I'm just updating my situation. Ive been 2 months now with NC and still going strong. I don't feel the need to call her anymore yet miss her like crazy. Weird that I know what she did to me yet I'm still deeply in love. I know that she is with someone else now, who her family has accepted and she has probably fully moved on. I know I should do the same, because she is not down about it, why should I be. Still hard lol. I have done everything there is to try and move on. Ive met new people, continuously gone out, and now I am finishing up the last semester for my Business Degree. I have had some girls show interest and want to maybe pursue a relationship slowly yet I cannot help but still feel for my ex. I don't want to start anything with this someone because she is a good girl and I don't want to hurt her or feel as though she is a rebound. I want to fully heal from this situation before I make decisions. Right now, I'm not going to lie, I feel empty. Because she was my first everything, and I was hers I would expect this feeling. It hurts to know how she moved on from me after only 5 days when we put 5 years into this. Obviously this was on her mind for some time, and that is what bothers me. Wish things turned out differently, but it happens for a reason and I am staying positive. The NC has helped me heal quite a bit, but yet I still think about her every day. What a sap lol. Well that's what's going on.. thanks!

blio2000 · Oct 12, 2009, 07:16 PM

So my girlfriend has a close guy friend who has a reputation of being a player. I know exactly what this guy wants. He talks to her about all of this problems, they talk on the phone and he always wants to see her. I trust her, not him, what should I do? I don't know much about her past, but honestly I'm afraid to ask because she always says it doesn't matter. Listen, Im a guy and I know what he's trying to do. I don't know if she's ever been with this guy but they have been friends for a while. And when she was single, she said she slept with her ex's when they called. I found that messed up and she got mad at me for gettting mad lol So am I over reacting to all of this, I just find it hard to trust her now even though she tells me she loves me and much more. Thanks!

friend4u178 · Oct 12, 2009, 07:22 PM

She's with you not this other guy so she has made her choice , they have been friends for a long time so I'm sure she had a chance to be with him if she wanted to.

I'd let it go and trust her until she gives you a reason not to , otherwise you may just push her away if she see's your insecure about her talking to her friend.