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knowidon'tknow · Aug 13, 2006, 04:38 PM

Hi! I just reestablished e-contact with an old college friend; we dated a little and were thinking of taking things up again. He sent me a copy of a book he just wrote and is trying to publish; he is very anxious to hear my opinion and is hounding me for it. I think it's a mess! It's all over the place, cutesy aw-shucks writing, condescending to his subjects, more about him patting himself on the back than about his subjects, annoying, annoying.. .

What do I say? We're not dating, just flirting, and he lives nearly 1000 miles away. I could give him my honest appraisal (gentler, I swear, than what I wrote above) and maybe help him out but maybe put the kibosh on our newly kindled friendship. This guy is pouring all sorts of money into this, and it seems his local pals are telling him what he wants to hear.

Hey, maybe I'm wrong. But he's asking for MY OPINION.

What do you think?

Taukame · Aug 13, 2006, 04:44 PM

I just had a really strange situation with a friend, and although it wasn't really about him giving me his opinion, I know that I really wished that he had been honest with me. The thing about friends is that if they can't be honest with you are they really friends, and if you can't be honest with them can you really call yourself a friend? Honesty doesn't always have to be brutal, it can be gentle and caring and compassionate. All the traits of a good friendship.

CaptainForest · Aug 13, 2006, 09:44 PM

Personally, I would be honest.

If you want to form a long term friendship with this guy, or even date him, you need to be honest.

Just tell him that it's not your style of writing, or you don't like the genre.

Just sugar cote it so you don't totally destroy his feelings.

letmetellu · Aug 13, 2006, 09:57 PM

Tell him what you think about his book and then quide him to where he can get some help to improve his writing skills... And if you want the relationship to blossom the continue to flirt with him. If it is meant to be I don't think how you feel about his writing will matter that much.

dxviii · Aug 14, 2006, 04:35 AM

Truth always works... Maybe through in your ideas.

Amythest · Aug 18, 2006, 05:10 AM

I say that you have to tell him, but I agree with letmetellu you have to not just say its bad but offer up a solution. Tell him maybe even specifics? You know the part where such and such character said blah blah blha , well I didn't find that to be very realisitc or beleivable as a reader, I think it sowould have been better if you wrote it more like this " (insert new dialaoug here)" it's always better to give an example when you are critiquieing
And a way to improve it. Other wise all you here is negativty and it feels like a personal attack rather than genuine help. So be honest, say didn't like version of the book, tell him how to imprve it, and say but you think you will like the true ed result or something. Eh... soemthing like that. However you can make it be truthful, but not too crushing.

kp2171 · Aug 18, 2006, 08:30 AM

tell him

honesty in a relationship is important

now... does my wife from time to time bite her tongue when she thinks what she has to say might not go over well... I'm sure it happens. But most of the time she's brutally honest. My wife isn't a master at being tactful. But id rather deal with reality than live in some fabricated reality.

you could certainly play this so you are supportive but kind in your criticisms. Id try this route. If anything, it might show you how he responds to important criticism. He should value your opinion, and as a writer, he had better have thick skin and be willing to be banged around a bit.