[saynotosake]

I was engaged to my ex for a couple of years. We split up around 9 months ago, because I couldn't keep it in my pants. I wasn't able to face what I had done so I avoided her completely, but I regret this. I do owe her some form of apology, but I've moved away so the chances of bumping into her are zilch. Any ideas?

[Romefalls19]

Leave it alone, she is probably trying to heal her wounds, hearing from you would only tear at the scabs.

[kctiger]

Forgive yourself, and move on. Rome is right, just leave her alone. You think that in order for you to be able to feel good about yourself, you must repent to her, which isn't the case. Once you can learn to forgive yourself, then you will have the closure that I assume you are looking for. Seek your own forgiveness, and just let the rest go.

[jmw0713]

I agree with both Rome and KC. No point in causing her, and yourself, more pain by contacting her and apologizing.

Just try and let all of this go and don't repeat your mistakes with your next girl.

[saynotosake]

Ok guys, I'll leave it as it is.. that's the easiest thing to do anyway.

[talaniman]

Hope you have learned to keep it in your pants!

[artlady]

If someone did that to me,I think I would love an apology.She may be still wondering what she did wrong and why she wasn't enough for you.I think it's a good idea as long as you make her understand you want nothing more than to say sorry and let her know it was you not her that had the problem.

Hallmark has cards for everything! I'm sure there is one for a cheating guy,just make it personal and speak from the heart.

I'm a woman.. don't listen to these guys... their men... they are into the NC thing so much,they don't look at other possibilities ;)

Make it clear your intention is just to let her know she did nothing to deserve that.No strings attached and it will be great,I think she will like it :D

[neverme]

Well I recently met my ex and we sat down and we chatted and he said sorry for some of the ways that he treated me and it was really nice to know that he saw what our relationship was and that he respected it and me enough to tell me.

I'm for telling her.

[saynotosake]

I think I'll go with the ladies on this and attempt an apology, wish it could be done face to face mind you.. a card just doesn't seem the best way to get across a proper heartfelt ' I am sorry ' Ever since I moved away ( I got promoted ) I just can't seem to stop thinking about her. Even when I'm with the girl I'm seeing now (it's nothing serious) when I look at her (during those special moments) I see my ex. Sounds pretty weird but I'm sure they have identical eyes to one another. My promotion has been a significant landmark so far but it feels like I'm only half experiencing or should I say I'm only half enjoying my life without her. I come from an Italian family and my ex became very much a part of our functionality and to my shear shock/delight she was and still is adored by my mother, who always manages to slip some sort of argument concerning what I did into every conversation I now have with her.

Anyway last night a friend calls me tells me the ex dropped by his work place and wanted to know how I was etc I can't actually put into words how I felt when I was hearing about this. The guilt I'm carrying around with me is slowly but surely killing me.

What should I do?

[neverme]

You sound like you don't want to give her an apology. You sound like you want to be forgiven. Apologising can't guarantee that, it probably won't happen. It also sounds as though your still into her. Trying to get back with her with demean the genuineness of your apology.

If your going to apologise then you need to do it for the right reasons, to relieve her pain and mistrust and to put your relationship to bed.

Any other reasons and you'll more than likely just hurt her more.

[saynotosake]

I know deep down that I could never tell anyone my true feelings about this. Everyone thinks I cheated, ran away and now I'm happy. I could never tell her that I still have feelings for her, the thought is just too terrifying. I know I made my bed so to speak and I'm not looking for sympathy but I really do just want these feelings to vanish. It has been a long time, but it's all just getting worse. Karma ey? It really does kick you in the azz.

[neverme]

Karma's a b*tch it's true but if you lay down with dogs you get flees.

I revoke my answer in telling her, you are doing it to ease your conscience and that is not her concern.

When you have healed and you have the ability to say sorry and really mean it in the true sense of the word, without expecting anything in return, not love or friendship, forgiveness or anything else.

Then yes, tell her. She deserves to know that she has done nothing wrong and it is your mistake made. But until you can separate yourself and your feelings of guilt from this it is only selfish.

[saynotosake]

But until you can separate yourself and your feelings of guilt from this it is only selfish.

You're right. I won't actively make an effort to do anything right now. Heck I haven't contacted her once about anything. Pretty much left most of my belongings in her flat and got my brother to sort out all the little loose ends. If I manage to bump into her on my occasional visits back home, she will get the apology she deserves, with no strings attached on my behalf.

[neverme]

I'm glad you can see your situation for what it is, it takes a big man.

[k3441]

Me myself have been in counseling for my issues one being that I cheated on my b/f and I have learned it is really important to apologize for things you do to others and let them know it wasn't there fault in anyway!

[saynotosake]

I really can't get her off my mind. I want to speak/see/touch her so badly. I had no right to walk out on her the way I did after what I had done and I have no right trying to get back into her life now as I've left it for so long. I honestly don't know if it's her or just her forgiveness I'm needing. This isn't getting better with time :(

[MiSSsy111222]

It was pretty crappy what you did, but I guess you already know that. I think you should go for the apology. But keep it simple and make sure she know that your intentions are just for saying sorry. No more!

[talaniman]

In time it will get better, and then your apology will be real, and genuine, because you will forgive yourself, by never repeating your bad behavior.

[saynotosake]

It won't happen again. I guess its OK to love someone and not be with them right?

[talaniman]

Yes it is.