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peacekeeper4u4 · Feb 2, 2009, 10:09 PM

Me and my boyfriend have a pretty normal relationship. Good and bad for the past 3 years. We made it through the long distance thing for 1 1/2 of those years and now we're back together. Tonight, I was at his house just hangin out and everything was great. He just got new glasses so I took a picture of him on his phone ( mine was in my car) and when I went to look in the pictures to see it, he started reaching for it telling me to give him his phone. He was almost getting mad. I gave it back to him and asked what the problem was, and what he was trying to hide. He said nothing but refused tto let me see it. I think it's pretty shady and it totally ruined the rest of the evening. I have no problem with him looking through my phone or anything else for that matter because I have nothing to hide and he's my boyfriend. It's just a cell phone to me, but apparently he got something I'm not supposed to see. Am I wrong?:confused:

Tasha99 · Feb 2, 2009, 10:27 PM

Nope, you are not wrong

Romefalls19 · Feb 3, 2009, 06:30 AM

Yes you are wrong. If he has a problem with you looking through his cell phone then that's his choice. He shouldn't have to let you see it if he doesn't wish too. This doesn't make him "shady" or always imply he is hiding something, it could just be he is taking a stand on the trust issue. Besides this, is there any other reason why you shouldn't trust him?

kctiger · Feb 3, 2009, 07:05 AM

People always have to jump to conclusions. I would want my girlfriend looking through my phone. Some converstaions I have (especially via text) are private and aren't anyone else's business. You are mad because you can't snoop through his cell phone? Am I missing something here? Do you snoop in his email accounts, look at his bank statements and all that stuff? Where are you drawing the line between what is your business and what isn't.

Cool down and relax! It isn't that big of a deal. Soon you will find yourself on here asking ,"Why did he break up with me?"

spitvenom · Feb 3, 2009, 07:23 AM

I can't stand when ANYONE looks through my phone. I don't care who it is my best friend, my mom, my wife etc... If I want someone to see something on my phone I will show it to them. It's not because I have anything to hide but it is my personal space. My phone is more then a phone I can log into my work PC and work directly from my phone I just can't have anyone playing around with it.

Tasha99 · Feb 3, 2009, 08:40 AM

Yeah, but I think it was his immediate defensiveness that is not a good sign. He could have been calm about it, since he knew why she was looking in the first place, being that she JUST took a picture. It wasn't like she snuck to look at it while he was out of the room. Why get so offensive? If you don't like it you could say something late ror right after she sees the picture.

But anyone who is so jumpy once someone picks up their phone, like the world is about to end, usually has something there they don't want the person to see, or the anger would not have been so urgent. That's what I think..

spitvenom · Feb 3, 2009, 08:45 AM

Tasha if someone started looking under your bed or in your dresser draws or any where in your room would you be fine with it or would you get mad?

peacekeeper4u4 · Feb 3, 2009, 10:45 PM

In regards to RomeFalls and kctiger:
I have no problems with trust issue until a reason presents itself that needs to be questioned. If your girlfriend never cared if you went out with her and her friends then suddenly your getting your stuff to go out with her and she gets mad out of the blue and says you can't go with her, and then her mood completely changes... your telling me you wouldn't wonder what was going on? I have always been very trusting, and NO I do not snoop through his things. I couldn't care less about his email and bank statements or even his phone. I simply took a picture of him and went to look at it. I didn't even scroll through anything, I turned the phone around and pushed the back button to view it and he freaked. I'm pretty sure anyone in their right mind can see that I wasn't snooping. I am very respectful of privacy, especially since I like my privacy as well with certain things. Being that he is my boyfriend of 3 years I am open to share just anything and everything with him. To me, that's part of the whole trust and good relationship idea is that you CAN share everything with that person and not have to worry about it.
As TASHA99 stated:
It's not that he wants his phone to be his business, it's that he freaked out the sudden way that he did. And it's not like he came in the room and found me going through his things, he was sitting right there and I just took a picture of him!

And another thing just to clarify; several months ago, he spent the night at my house and when he left he accidentally grabbed my phone instead of his. The next day he had been sending me text's (to his phone from mine) and after missing several (as I was at work), I scrolled through to read the previous messages he had sent me when I saw one to another girl talking about how she should wear those sexy bra and panties again. When I asked him about it, not only did he get offensive but said it was a joke to someone he delivers mail to (Mailman). When I asked him why he gives his number out to girls he delivers mail to and then sends messages like that, he exploded and refused to say anything except that I was in the wrong. 10 minutes later, that girl sent a message talking about how great it was and how he makes her hot! After work we got in a huge fight and several days later he apologized saying that he was in the wrong but nothing ever happened. I decided to forgive him as nothing like that had ever happened before, and trusted him. I completely moved on and things have been fine and the this happened (7 months later). I did not jump to conclusions but given the past history and the same reaction, I don't think anyone could help but remember the last situation and find it similar without wondering what's really going on.

DJ28 · Feb 3, 2009, 11:15 PM

Originally Posted by peacekeeper4u4

In regards to RomeFalls and kctiger:
I have no problems with trust issue until a reason presents itself that needs to be questioned. If your girlfriend never cared if you went out with her and her friends then suddenly your getting your stuff to go out with her and she gets mad out of the blue and says you can't go with her, and then her mood completely changes....... your telling me you wouldn't wonder what was going on? I have always been very trusting, and NO I do not snoop through his things. I could care less about his email and bank statements or even his phone. I simply took a picture of him and went to look at it. I didn't even scroll through anything, I turned the phone around and pushed the back button to view it and he freaked. I'm pretty sure anyone in their right mind can see that I wasn't snooping. I am very respectful of privacy, especially since I like my privacy as well with certain things. Being that he is my boyfriend of 3 years I am open to share just anything and everything with him. To me, that's part of the whole trust and good relationship idea is that you CAN share everything with that person and not have to worry about it.
As TASHA99 stated:
it's not that he wants his phone to be his business, it's that he freaked out the sudden way that he did. And it's not like he came in the room and found me going through his things, he was sitting right there and I just took a picture of him!

And another thing just to clarify; several months ago, he spent the night at my house and when he left he accidentally grabbed my phone instead of his. the next day he had been sending me text's (to his phone from mine) and after missing several (as I was at work), I scrolled through to read the previous messages he had sent me when I saw one to another girl talking about how she should wear those sexy bra and panties again. When I asked him about it, not only did he get offensive but said it was a joke to someone he delivers mail to (Mailman). When I asked him why he gives his number out to girls he delivers mail to and then sends messages like that, he exploded and refused to say anything except that I was in the wrong. 10 minutes later, that girl sent a message talking about how great it was and how he makes her hot! After work we got in a huge fight and several days later he apologized saying that he was in the wrong but nothing ever happened. I decided to forgive him as nothing like that had ever happened before, and trusted him. I completely moved on and things have been fine and the this happened (7 months later). I did not jump to conclusions but given the past history and the same reaction, I don't think anyone could help but remember the last situation and find it similar without wondering what's really going on.

Oh wow yeah I do agree with you on that, that kind of lame that he would get mad about that, I mean that's nothing. And then with him writing a girl that stuff about her bra and stuff hmm I would be very wherry about this guy. Lol really I don't even know what to say but I would be a little pissed.

Romefalls19 · Feb 4, 2009, 06:59 AM

This is information that should be included in the FIRST post! How are we to know the whole story if you don't tell us it? My opinion changes, I would break it off as the stuff about bra and underwear would have sent me running in the opposite direction

kctiger · Feb 4, 2009, 07:06 AM

Wait a minute... you are dating a guy dumb enough to not even realize whose phone he is texting from? Do you two have the same phone?

Forget the bra and panties. The lack of intelligence would have been a deal breaker for me.

Never mind... I get it now. Yeah, I think he clearly has some issues and I NOW am of the opinion you are right to have a lack of trust. I forgot how to read people's minds about four years ago, so I apologize.

Carry on... :cool:

talaniman · Feb 4, 2009, 07:13 AM

Rome is right, the added info changes the whole picture, and you did have a reason to be suspicious. I wouldn't put it past you to have set this whole thing up, as a female leaving her phone in the car is a stretch to me, so you set out to prove what you were feeling, and your probably right.

Now talk to him, and don't be naïve this time. And be more honest, and forthcoming, explaining your feelings than you were here with your story.

zeeniee · Feb 4, 2009, 07:20 AM

Based on what has happened in the past and with the way he got angry when you went to look at his picture-i think you know what your gut instinct is telling you. I agree with Tal, talk to him and clear the situation with him and if you are not convinced with what his reasons are-- then you know what to do-- walk away, before you get hurt again.