[amsmom]

Well, my mom died on Sug 4th, 2008 of a massive heartattack. She seemed fine the night before when we had dinner with her. We left for a mini vacation with my 3 children and I got a call from why sister that my mom had a heart attack and died. From that moment on, I feel like my life is falling apart. I describe it as a crazy merry go round that just will not let me off.I am doing my best just to make it through. Truth be toldi cry every night and when I am alone but when I am in front of people I hold it together.
My father is really annoyed with everyone, especailly my children, which drives my one sister crazy. I feel like not only have I lost my mom, who was my best friend, but now my family is falling apart also. I am trying to keep everyone together because that is what I think my mom would want but I feel like my dad does not want us around, my sisters are too busy. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself and my children because in a blink of an eye, we lost my mom, their nana, and now everyone else who was always around. My husband is as understanding as he can be but really does not get it.

[JJCH]

I can sympathize with you... I lost my father on May 28 of 2008. He was 60 years old. I got the call at 10:30am that morning when I was at work and I don't think my HEMI truck ever went that fast in all my days of owning it. According to the head paramedic, they estimated he was expired for about 8-10 hours before he was found; the coroner determined he died of cardiac arrest... My sister and him talked every night on the phone. The night before, she said she tried to call him at 6pm, 7pm, 8pm and couldn't get through. I guess she assumed that he was visiting a friend or asleep early... That morning when she couldn't get ahold of him again, she called a friend of our family and he came to check on him... His car was there, the door was locked so he tried to call several times and knocked several times with no response. He had to break the door in and found him in his favorite spot on his couch. The last day I talked to my dad was Sunday May 25. I wanted to invite him over to dinner that day, but he was busy working on a race car with the same friend that found him that morning. He sounded pretty involved in the project, so I didn't ask... I'll never forgive myself for not asking... Me and my dad didn't always get along so well growing up, but after I got my own house, our relationship improved, I'd say, by 100% +... we finally got back into the habit of saying we loved each other after every phone call. I was never embarrassed to tell my dad I loved him... and I never hesitated once we were back on good terms. What really crushes my heart was that he died alone in his house with his dog (which I now care for)... and nobody deserves to die alone. He had his cell phone on his chest, open, and his hand was over his heart with a fist half clenched. He looked like he did when he fell asleep on the couch. I prayed to God all day that day that he wasn't in pain and trying to call for help, but couldn't do it... I won't lie... I am crying while I type this... I still cry when I talk about it... I've not healed enough yet to not cry... I wish I could have been there... I would have done anything to help him. Its almost been a year for me and I still don't know what Im going to do without him... Im 29 ys old... not a child, but I'm still in my 20's... He was all I had to go to for advice, my only shoulder I could truly cry on when I needed to... and the only one that truly understood the man that is me. That man took a lot of secrets to the grave about me that he would never tell anybody... All people have ever said to me was how proud of me he said he was... I feel like I failed him by not being there with him... I should have just asked him over for dinner that night... I should have spent more time with him... I just hope he didn't suffer... I hope he wasn't in pain... I hope he didn't try to call for help and wasn't able do... I hope he passed quietly in his sleep... I feel so guilty and I honestly din't know if I'd be able to go through this with any degree of sanity in the beginning... I know that sounds selfish, but there's been so much bad stuff going on in the past years that I didn't know how much more of it I could take... he was the only person I could confide in... I love him so much and I want him back... My grandfather (his dad) is still alive, but after dads death (gram died in '05), pap became very sheltered in his living. He won't call anybody or visit anybody and he doesn't like people calling or visiting him, including me or my sister. He has latched on to two of his neighbors and that seems to be all he wants anything to do with. It really upset me in the beginning, but I've learned to live with what he wants for his life. I still call him and see him when I can. I will not quit doing that. So my situation is a little opposite of yours, but I do know what you are going through. I will say this... as with anything, time heals... Things will get easier... You won't ever forget, but you will heal... and things will get easier to deal with, I promise... In the beginning, when people said that to me, I thought they were crazy and honestly, I didn't want to hear it, but they were right... Keep your head up... Prayers for you...

[Wondergirl]

That happened to me in 1994. My father, a minister, was at a church meeting and dropped dead between sentences. I had just talked with him via long distance the night before and all was fine -- great cholesterol reading, excellent BP, healthy as a horse at 74.

My mom consoled us with the fact that he had early glaucoma and would have hated being blind, plus this way to die was quick with no lingering illness in a nursing home. She encouraged us to celebrate his life. We wrote a memory book about all our remembrances of him and gave a copy to each of us. We planted a tree in his memory (he loved trees). We financially helped side the church where he had been a minister for 30+ years. We talk about him with each other and chuckle about his favorite things like Reader's Digest jokes and the Chicago Cubs. (In fact, we had buried him wearing a Cubs cap and holding the newest Digest.)

Celebrate your mom's life and talk about her. Tell us here more about her--the funny things she said and did, her favorite things.

[sully123]

My heart goes out to you. I lost my Dad this past year on Feb. 10.08, and buried him on Valentine's Day. He died of a horrible death what he went in for the hospital he came out with mersa and kidney failure, was 87, but looked like and acted like he was in his 60's. He did live a good life, but you never want to see him go. He had been in the hospital for a month, between ICU and everything. He was doing good and I visited him everyday except I missed one. The last day I went to see him, thinking he was going to go in to rehab, I heard this gasping for air down the hall. IT was my Dad, I said Dad are u OK.. he shook his head no, his eyes were in his head, looking up. I will never forget that day.. I got the nurse.. and she said he was fine I said no he isn't he is gasping for air. They brought another nurse in and code blue. Well my Dad code blue 7 times till he died that very next morning. I still live with that. I am OK.. but I know my Dad sends me signs of him almost everyday, from some little thing that he is thinking of me, whether it's a penny I find or something. Please you're a good daughter and its OK to grieve amsmom, that is normal, and think how proud your Mom is of your children. I know my Dad who loved his grandchildren and great grandchildren they were his life. I am now taking care of my ederley mom, who is blind in one eye, she manages, but my world is upside down. I have lived alone for years since I am divorced, and my kids are grown. But I couldn't put her in a nursing home, its not me. Not much time for a social life, but that's OK. Grieve as long as you have too, and look at your wonderful children and husband, and just remember your Mom is proud of you.

[Brendarod]

I lost my mother july1,2009 so I could relate to your pain believe me it's the worst feeling ever I feel lost with no sense of direction I just don't know what went wrong she went to sleep and never woke up I spoke to her the night before and she seemed fine not in a million years did I imgined that I would never be able to tell her that I loved her with all my heart just keep it together girl cause your children need you and that's what your mother would have wanted for you to take care of her grandchildren good luck my prayers are with you