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mrsmama01 · Jan 28, 2009, 07:19 PM

I've been married for almost eight years to my wonderful husband. We have two beautiful children. One girl and one boy, ages 4 1/2 yrs and 5 1/2 months old. They are the light of my life. But here's the complicated issue. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship almost 13 yrs ago. He was 17 and his baby's mother was also 17. She had the daughter without letting him know when he broke up with her. Two yrs later, he is forced to take a paternity and pay back and current child support. His plans on going to college was put on hold to work overtime to pay off the debt. She never once even bothered to contact him until he looked her up and decided to have a relationship with the child. When they reunited, the baby's mom wanted him back, but he doesn't want her. He only wants a relationship with his daughter that he doesn't even know existed until now. But after her advancements were discouraged, she starts to not let him see her, playing ridiculous games and basically just made his life hell. When we met, I didn't want anything to do with her knowing how toxic she was. But the child custody issue took a turn for the worse. She started to defame his character and even made up so much sh**, that we decided that it was best to have nothing to do with her. She was destroying the child's life to no end and blaming us for everything when we don't even see her. For example, we her a beautiful costume for Halloween and when he went to pick the girl up for his court-ordered visitation, she refused to let her go while the girl cries her eyes out for her dad. After several months of this nonsense, we decided to focus on our life/future. It's been almost eight years and we both since went back to college. My husband graduated not too long ago. We have a beautiful home and a happy life. But she still to this day after having two children out of wedlock, still causes trouble by saying my husband is a deadbeat. He pays child support faithfully, but she plays so many sick, twisted, immature games that we don't want to deal with her at all. We feel so bad for the child, but don't know what to do? Please help!

southerngalps · Jan 28, 2009, 08:08 PM

Well, your husband needs to fight for visitation. At least then she can get some stability in her life. It seems you are the only ones that have it together.

chuff · Jan 29, 2009, 07:24 AM

Write down and tape every phone conversation with her and then take her to court.

talaniman · Jan 29, 2009, 07:32 AM

I would have her in court enforcing the court order.

cjeep23 · Jan 29, 2009, 07:39 AM

Yes write down or record every conversation that is being had with her. If possible get a lawyer to fight this. The best intrests of the child are at stake. And to me by the sounds of it this woman isn't providing a very stable environment for this child. Fight for her and get her away from this crazy woman! Before its entirely to late!

mrsmama01 · Jan 29, 2009, 06:38 PM

Thanks for all the advice. It's been several years since we last saw the child. We moved to another state and had very little contact with her. The last Christmas we tried to spend with her was derailed by her mother. We only hear how the child is doing by my husband's mother. She allows the girl to spend time with his parents because she wants to know everything about our lives. But when it comes to the child being with her dad, she doesn't allow it unless he gets back with her. It's sickening, so we stay far away. It's even harder with two young children of our own. I don't want to expose them to that level of toxicity.

Romefalls19 · Jan 30, 2009, 06:49 AM

Your husband, if interested in reestablishing his relationship, needs to alert the police of what is happening. The court will tell her where to bring the child and meet, along with a police officer present(I know this because my fiancé and I are looking into this option) to make sure the exchange(bad choice of words) goes along with no hitches.

mrsmama01 · Apr 24, 2009, 10:32 PM

My husband haven't spoken to his daughter or baby's mother in a few years due to her lack of cooperating with the child custody order and her defamation of my husband's character. I met a girl that told me she speaks about my husband very negatively and wants to take him to court for child abandonment. He has never lived with the child and only knew of her when she was 2 yrs old. The mother has always made it hard for him to see her in every way possible because he does not want to get back with her. When he married me, the issue got worse. The mother even went as far as to accuse of child abuse, which was atrocious. When the social worker called him and said they interviewed the girl and she said someone at her house hit her, not her dad, they dropped the case. After that we decided to have nothing to do with her and move on with our lives. Now she wants to take child out of the country but can't until my husband will sign for her passport. My husband would like to end this craziness once and for all and just sign off is parental rights. What should he do regarding this matter?

pathisfer · Apr 24, 2009, 10:38 PM

Sorry to sound harsh but do the women in your husband's life always make all the decisions for him? I mean, it was really his choice not to have a relationship with his child regardless of what his ex said about him. Honestly, it sounds like your husband has a million excuses for not being a parent and not being accountable. What should he do? Nothing, sign off his rights, that is if he can actually put forth the effort.

sabrewolfe · Apr 24, 2009, 10:40 PM

I think it's pretty simple, it seems like your husband already made his decision, he wants to sign his rights off. If that's how he feels, what else is there?

sabrewolfe · Apr 24, 2009, 10:42 PM

Originally Posted by pathisfer

Sorry to sound harsh but do the women in your husband's life always make all the decisions for him? I mean, it was really his choice not to have a relationship with his child regardless of what his ex said about him. Honestly, it sounds like your husband has a million excuses for not being a parent and not being accountable. What should he do? Nothing, sign off his rights, that is if he can actually put forth the effort.

Well said!

N0help4u · Apr 24, 2009, 10:44 PM

Most courts do not simply allow you to sign away rights.
Why does he have to sign away his rights if all he has to do is sign a passport?

mrsmama01 · Apr 24, 2009, 10:46 PM

Originally Posted by pathisfer

Sorry to sound harsh but do the women in your husband's life always make all the decisions for him? I mean, it was really his choice not to have a relationship with his child regardless of what his ex said about him. Honestly, it sounds like your husband has a million excuses for not being a parent and not being accountable. What should he do? Nothing, sign off his rights, that is if he can actually put forth the effort.

Actually he was the one that took her to court to established visitations. Even then she wouldn't allow him to see the girl. He should put his life on hold and wait for the mother to make up her delusional mind? He's taken her back to court for her not cooperating, but that just gets her more angry and the child hating her dad. There is no good solution unless he goes back with her. She told him that from the beginning and that is not a solution he would ever resort to.

pathisfer · Apr 24, 2009, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Most courts do not simply allow you to sign away rights.
Why does he have to sign away his rights if all he has to do is sign a passport?

He doesn't, I think he's just looking for an excuse, an easy way out and this is the opportunity.

sabrewolfe · Apr 24, 2009, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by mrsmama01

Actually he was the one that took her to court to established visitations. Even then she wouldn't allow him to see the girl. He should put his life on hold and wait for the mother to make up her delusional mind? He's taken her back to court for her not cooperating, but that just gets her more angry and the child hating her dad. There is no good solution unless he goes back with her. She told him that from the beginning and that is not a solution he would ever resort to.

What does he want to do, be a father or not? So what if she gets more angrier or you think the child hates him. They will both get over it. What's more important? He needs to figure out if he wants to be a father or not, nobody here can answer that.

sabrewolfe · Apr 24, 2009, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by pathisfer

He doesn't, I think he's just looking for an excuse, an easy way out and this is the opportunity.

You hit the nail on the head.

mrsmama01 · Apr 24, 2009, 10:56 PM

Originally Posted by sabrewolfe

What does he want to do, be a father or not? So what if she gets more angrier or you think the child hates him. They will both get over it. What's more important? He needs to figure out if he wants to be a father or not, nobody here can answer that.

He's a wonderful father to our kids. He choose to stay away so she cannot ruin his life. She has tried everything to make sure he suffers, that's why he doesn't want to be around. She doesn't care if the girl sees her dad or else she wouldn't make it so hostile for them.

sabrewolfe · Apr 24, 2009, 10:58 PM

Originally Posted by mrsmama01

He's a wonderful father to our kids. He choose to stay away so she cannot ruin his life. She has tried everything to make sure he suffers, that's why he doesn't want to be around. She doesn't care if the girl sees her dad or else she wouldn't make it so hostile for them.

More excuses. Does he want to be a father to this particular child or not?

mrsmama01 · Apr 24, 2009, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by sabrewolfe

More excuses. Does he want to be a father to this particular child or not?

Of course he does, why else would he file for visitations? She doesn't comply with the court orders whatsoever. What is he supposed to do?

sabrewolfe · Apr 24, 2009, 11:04 PM

Originally Posted by mrsmama01

Of course he does, why else would he file for visitations? She doesn't comply with the court orders whatsoever. What is he supposed to do?

Keep taking her back for contempt of the court order. After a while, they will probably grant him custody if she keeps breaking the courts decisions and if that's what he wants. Let me ask you something, what would you like to see happen?