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Labello · Jan 26, 2009, 05:03 PM

My boyfriend has a daughter that is 13 1/2 years old (8th grade) girl and a 10 (almost 11, 5th grade) boy. The daughter is afraid to sleep alone so the son has to sleep in her room EVERY night. He does the same at the Mom's house. There are plenty of bedrooms. She every single night will start crying and screaming EVEN though her brother is there, about monsters in the closet and hearing voices. She makes a scene every night. Right when she knows everyone has gotten in bed she starts in. Of course her dad races up and lays beside her to comfort her. It's ridiculous and makes me furious. It's not only grossly unfair to the son but inappropriate all the way around. The daughter undresses in front of the brother and father. She asks to sleep with dad when I'm not there and I'm afraid this is graphic, she doesn't dispose of her used sanitary napkins properly, she also wipes and puts it in the bathroom wastebaskets. It's almost like she's showing everyone she's on her period. I hightly doubt her mother would put up with it but I'm afraid to ask if she does. I find this all very very odd for a girl of that age. She has some other habits I find odd like she hangs all over her father in a way I don't see other teenage girls. She doesn't seem to have many friends or something, she's got a cell phone but doesn't text or call her girlfriends when she's over. I'll come home from work and she will have my clothes on head to toe. These issues have broken us up, I have moved out. Do you think she needs some counseling or something? I certainly do.

ScottGem · Jan 26, 2009, 05:13 PM

I agree. The issue is not the siblings sleeping in the same room, the issue is the girl's inappropriate and controlling behavior.

This girl NEEDS to get counseling right away. The problem is, by moving out, you are not in the best position to do anything about it. You might talk to the father and tell him that his daughter's behavior is a cry for help. And if he doesn't get her counseling, you will force the issue by reporting her bahavior to your local family services agency.

The main problem is the father allowing the daughter to undress in front of him and her brother. That's a recipe for disaster right there. The inappropriate sanitary disposal is another.

I urge you to force the issue of getting her counseling.

Labello · Jan 26, 2009, 05:17 PM

That's EXACTLY what I thought, it's a cry for help or something. I have told the father she needs counceling and he just says I'm jealous of her or that she's just an innocent little girl and I just don't understand. Well, I have a two daughters, 16 and 18 and I have NEVER had any issues even remotely close to any of these. EVER. They think she's strange and needs help too. I just really wanted to hear it from someone not close to the issue. Thank you very much.

ScottGem · Jan 26, 2009, 05:22 PM

Give it a couple of days and you will get others who will agree with me. Then print out this thread and take it to him. If the facts are as you portrayed, then this girl needs serious help. The nightmares themselves are a cry for counseling. But the inappropriate sexual behavior is a real danger sign. I can understand he may be afraid of how it will look that he hasn't put a stop to those behaviors. But the longer he waits the worse it will look.

liz28 · Jan 26, 2009, 06:00 PM

I agree with Scottgem but wanted to add that if the father doesn't see anything wrong here than he needs counselling too. What he fails to understand is that "his inonocent little girl" is growing up so she can't do some things like she use too and he should stop it. Like when he sees her starting to get undress in front of him he should tell her to go in another room.

Yes, she needs counselling and so does he. But where is the mother?

I just hope that nothing ever happen to her because if the father views your actions as being jealous, I don't know if it's just me, but something is wrong with that statement.

Labello · Jan 27, 2009, 10:01 AM

What both of you said is exactly like I thought. I just needed another adults opinion because he almost had me thinking it was all in my head! So he approached her with wanting her to go to counseling for the whole sleep issue and she cried and screamed for 3 hours. So she's not going.

I was only living there a couple of months waiting for a condo to be finished (we've been together a year and have known each other over 10). I couldn't live there another day with that whole situation I didn't want to snap and yell at the girl so I actually left two weeks early and am staying with a friend. I don't know exactly how to reapproach this or maybe I should just stay out of it.
The mother is very much in the picture, they share custody. I seriously doubt that her mother would put up with the period thing so she probably only does this at her dads. I'm sure a lot of this, except her brother does sleep with her at the mothers house I do know that, doesn't go on.