[lovingu]

Has any one suffered from eating disorder? I have eatind disorder since I was 17.actually I have no idea what I have exactly, one day I woke up so bloated and I can smell the food from last night in my stomach and from that day regular meals like 3 times a day makes me bloated like I am 6 months pregnant so after that the vomiting started , every doctor said that it is eating disorder since I vomit and I lost a lot of weight but they did not know what to make of the severe bloating and that is the main reason I am a fraid of food, if I want to wear something fitted I have to stop eating the day before to empty my stomach because if I do it will be like I am pregnant, and now I am trying to diagnose myself and I think it is irritable bowl syndrom because I have severe constipation, so I am posting this here to see how pepole with bulimia coped with it emotionally especially with your face changes every day from swelling due to vomiting, it is eating me a live and I already tried to commit suicide 5 times and went to the hospital 3 times I am really frustrated, what is it am I having eating disorder or un discovered disease

[valinors_sorrow]

This sounds to me like an eating disorder. I experienced anorexia for several years in my late twenties. It was as if my throat would close just before I was to swallow-- very strange. Bulimia, and its counterpart anorexia, can distort how you see things, especially body image things. It can lead to behaviors (vomiting) and conditions that, if left unchecked, may become life-threatening. Please seek professional help (both medical and psychiatric) for this now -- its amazing how much is possible these days to aid in the recovery. Much like an addiction, recovery from an eating disorder requires daily practice, so you will need support there too. The doctors can line up a group that you will find invaluable, if you really avail yourself of what they offer. This is all about do you want to get well so be frank with yourself and others. Also please be careful you aren't secretly feeding some hope about being unique in this illness. I say this having read the very last line of your post about some "undiscovered disease" which is very unlikely, and its possible to become "terminally unique" in the disease -- I have seen people die that way, crying, "Oh but you just don't understand" the whole sad way down. Bulimia and anorexia are very common, well understood and treatable illnesses and having either of them isn't what makes you special or unique, okay? Its something altogether more positive than that which makes you the special, one of a kind and wonderful girl you are, I can assure you of that!

[lovingu]

Thank you val for replying and I am glad that there is someone I can talk to experience eating disorder, but val I do not want to be unique I am just tired and I do not know what more to do with the bloating I tried to eat normal for a year and I couldn't hold a job because I was sooo bloated and I took a lot of antidepressant pills for treatment (which I overdosed on them with alcohol to die) I just want it to end . And I wanted to know if somebody with eating disorder experienced the same thing I am going through and how they over come it.

[aqua@home]

lovingu,

You are definitely not alone. Many of us have these types of struggles. I haven't shared this on this forum but here it goes. I too have eating problems. It has never been diagnose by a physician, but a psychologist said I do. I think there are a lot of people out there who have problems that you don't even know about. I think food is harder that others, because you need it. You actually need it to survive. Food has become somewhat the centre of attention in my life. I think about what I'm eating or not eating all of the time. What I'm keeping down, what I'm not keeping down. I seem to go through cycles and some times are definitely worse than others.

Many of us have wanted to die at one time or another. Life is not easy and sometimes we are thrown something that it seems like we can't make it through. This is not true. You will make it through. Nothing is worth ending your life over. Here is something to think about: have you ever thought that when your body's nutrients have been depleted, it makes it very hard for your brain to function properly? I know when I am eating healthy and taking in a minimum amount of calories, my thinking is much more clear. Sure this doesn't stop me from having my episodes, but I do come out of them.

I am seeing a psychologist now and I think you might benefit from doing the same. Also, I have enjoyed coming to this site. I can receive advice from neutral parties and I can give advice or share. On here you can see that you are not alone and everyone, absolutely everyone, has problems. Some are harder, some are easier, but we all have them. Try hanging out for a while.

Take care of yourself.

[lovingu]

Oh god aqua thank you for your message, this is the first time for me to talk openly about this and it is great that someone could understand . I want to ask you do u experience severe bloating, do your face shape changes when you have your bad episodes? I am too have to seek help I thought I could handle it but I just can't it's it consumed my life it is like sticky monsterous you can not get rid off. I have issues with part of my body but my main problem is that I am such a big worrier, I worry about every one I love and every thing I cry just thinking that bad thing might happen to someone I love and as a little girl I wanted to die before any one I love. I was always scared of the pain of losing a loved one and I still am, I am terrified all the time. Some times I feel likde I do not want to love any one and want to hate every one because I get sooo worried about them I think all this has to do with my eating disorder. I would live to hear your analysis on your problem

[aqua@home]

Glad I could help.

I would like to talk a little bit about your worrying. I too worry A LOT. I used to do it more often than I do now, as I am currently working on this. I know what it's like to be consumed by worry, it's like your mind takes over and you can't function because your worry has control. I can tell you that if you lost someone you loved, you would be all right. At one time, I thought I would actually die when I lost an uncle I was very close to. My chest hurt (I think I had a broken heart), I couldn't breathe, I cried all of the time, I was in trouble. Unfortunately the only thing that helped was time, well time and faith. My faith has changed, and I have started to go to church and now I know he is in a much better place. It took a long time for me to finally get this: worrying will get you no where. I'm sure you see that things happen, we don't have a lot of control over too many things. If we spend our time worrying, and something doesn't happen then that is time we have spent worrying for nothing. If we worry and something does happen, well we are not anymore prepared for it and we have to deal with it anyway. So again, we have worried for nothing. Do you get my meaning (I hope I have explained it well enough)? I know this can be hard which is why you should talk to a professional. Talking, even here, will help.

You should allow yourself to love, inturn you will be loved. We all need love in our lives. You should realize that you are stronger than you think and you can handle whatever life brings you. You will be a better person for it (and maybe in turn you will be able to help someone who's going through the same thing).

I think you are right about your eating disorder contributing to this. Our brain needs to be fed just the same as our body. It needs to be exercised (reading, keeping it active), and it needs water, food and rest. If your brain doesn't get what it needs, weird things can happen. I think with a combination of diet and counselling you can overcome this problem. It won't be easy and it won't be short, but you can make it through.

The bloating I do not have. Well, I never really noticed it being a problem. I know there are days where I almost feel swollen or bloated. I don't like that at all. I know that can be hormonal too. Okay, so I guess I do have some and yes I hate it (even in the face).

Have you talked with any sort of professionals? There are counsellors and psychologist who specialize in eating disorders and anxiety. Please feel free to continue to talk on here. There are a lot of good people who have good advice. You can even PM me, but about once a month I do go off for about a week.

[valinors_sorrow]

If we spend our time worrying, and something doesn't happen then that is time we have spent worrying for nothing. If we worry and something does happen, well we are not anymore prepared for it and we have to deal with it anyway. So again, we have worried for nothing.

That was just exquisite, Aqua!

[lovingu]

Thank you so much aqua that was helpful (especially with the worry) and thank so much you val for you all sharing, I am determined to continue seeking professional help like I said I thought I could handle it since I am not bed sick but this this very complicated and this forum is amazing how much help a person can get just by sharing

[aqua@home]

Glad to hear it!

Talking or sharing can only help your situation (mine too).

PS. Val gives great advice.