[verbattered52]

I like you! I would have liked to give her a swift kick in the booty! Your sense of humor makes me feel better.

[Wondergirl]

(Pssst. I'm a counselor when I'm not a librarian--and even then I'm a counselor... )

[Wondergirl]

How do I deal with this? I have tried to tell him his behavior is hurtful, "but if I was not so stupid, he wouldn't have to talk to me like a child."

Suggestion: Don't be upset and teary-eyed. He's playing a control game, one-upping you. What do you think would be your reaction that he would least expect and would most be shocked by? What would knock him off his pins? Tell me what you think.

[verbattered52]

LOL! And an Obama supporter, too. I am a rarity here in the South, and I don't mean the south side of Chicago. Incidentally, I have been there.

[Wondergirl]

I was born and raised in NC and western NY; parents were from ID and IL.

Now, tell me. How could you react to his put-downs in a way he would least expect and would give you the upper hand (in a good way so that he wouldn't want to punch you out)?

[verbattered52]

If I can stay calm, and make him look like a fool and a jerk with some amount of class, he will be embarrassed enough to stop.

[Wondergirl]

If I can stay calm, and make him look like a fool and a jerk with some amount of class, he will be embarrassed enough to stop.

Use humor somehow? Look him straight in the eye (bullies HATE to be looked at), smile sweetly, and say, "Jack, you are soooooooooo adorable when you get like that," then turn to someone else to continue a conversation. If others laugh at that, that will quiet him fast.

Could you do it? -- be classy or use humor, stay calm?

[verbattered52]

Yes, the remark will have to be a bit more believable than to work.

[talaniman]

One thing for sure you putting up with his bad behavior will invite more, as you have noticed.

He needs some time away from you to bring back his appreciation, and good manners. Do you have a place to go, for say a week??

The idea is to give him a taste of what he would be missing, and motivate some change to get you back, and keep you. If his efforts are not enough, stay longer. After a while of peace, you may not want him back.

The separation will help you both.

[Crista]

Below is a link I think you must read. Do not ever accept this kind of treatment,it has a tendency to escalate.

Intimate Partner Abuse Screen[/QUOTE]


Thank you for this link

[verbattered52]

Yes, I could get away, but he woud scream about the money I used for gas, and any other money I spent! Even the miles on my car. Believe me, if I were financially able, I would not put up with his crap. The hell of it is, I always made more money than him until my accident five years ago.

[Crista]

He's imprisoned you! He has total control over you! He's a control hungry jerk. I'm sorry about your circumstance about your injury. Maybe, ask a someone you can trust to drive you. I will pray for your happiness.

[verbattered52]

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. I do feel very much imprisoned. Imagine a carpet of eggshells and me.

[Wondergirl]

Do you want to continue to deal with his abuse?

[verbattered52]

no

[talaniman]

Then don't! Let him scream, you be gone.

[verbattered52]

Please explain how I do this as a disabled person with no income. I am 52 years old and have worked and made decent money all my life. I have put every penny I had into our home. What am I supposed to do? Walk away and lose everything I have worked my butt off for?

[Wondergirl]

Please explain how I do this as a disabled person with no income. I am 52 years old and have worked and made decent money all my life. I have put every penny I had into our home. What am I supposed to do? Walk away and lose everything I have worked my butt off for?

Well, what are the choices? Leave or stay, right? If you leave, you say you lose will everything. (I'm not so sure that is correct -- but more on that soon.) If you stay, are you strong enough to be able to change so that he will hopefully change too? It will have to happen in small steps probably, but you have to change how you deal with him and react to him so he isn't always mopping up the floor with you.

Have you ever looked up the phone number of a women's shelter in your area or the number for a crisis hotline? If so, have you ever called? The person at the other end would be able to advise you about what would happen if you left your house and would know some of the legalities regarding property ownership. I'm not a lawyer, but suspect that everything you and your husband have accumulated during your marriage is half yours.

[artlady]

Perhaps you should begin the process to get social security disability.It takes time but you may qualify for something now.Maybe even short term disability until full disability kicks in.

I can see where you feel stuck and I understand not wanting to give up your home and everything you have worked for.

Is there any work you could do now in your home so that you are not completely dependent on him?

Maybe babysitting or catering.

Perhaps you could advertise to do light cleaning a few times a week.

Its hard to offer suggestions as I don't know the extent of your disability.

I would get the ball rolling on disability and in the meantime ,make an apt. for yourself in the basement or attic and just move out as much as your physically can and don't let him get into your head.

[verbattered52]

I have filed for disability. I filed two weeks ago. I understand it takes 3 - 5 months to get an answer.