[Doublell]

My daughter had a biracial daughter. It was a beyond a shock. I love this child with all my heart, but my daughter treats me horrible. She never has anything to do with me unless she needs me to babysit. Today was the worst. We will probably never speak again. I can't reach her.

[CaptainForest]

First, without more information, it is very hard to advise.

However, maybe your daughter thinks you are racist and would rather you not be around her child?

My daughter had a biracial daughter. It was a beyond a shock.

Why would this be beyond shock? So what that her child is biracial? If the child is healthy, is that not what is important?

As I said, it is hard to give you any specific advise without more details.

[Doublell]

The child is not the problem. My daughter is. Yesterday she was supposed to serve at the sherriff's farm and today and tomorrow. She cussed me out the day before. So I didn't go get the baby. I'm tired of the abuse. So now she will probably go to jail But it's all my fault. I didn't drive on a suspended license it's still my fault. She is a wonderful mother. This all happened before the baby was born. She is totally disrespectful to me and I can do anything for her unless her attitude changes. Opinions?

[talaniman]

Sometimes they have to suffer the consequences for their own actions. That includes desrepecting a parent. I don't know how old your daughter is, more info would be helpful.

[Doublell]

She is going on twenty three. Her baby is the love of my life, but I'm honestly at wit's end. She is probably going to jail for failing to complete her sentence. The only one that will suffer is the baby (6 months old). We are educated, law abiding citizens. My daughter works hard at her job, she is an excellent mother, she respects fellow citizens--it's me she dumps on. I now know how most grandmothers feel. The consequences will ly with the baby.

[talaniman]

You are concerned as well you should and I know how helpless you can feel, but back off and let the dust settle and catch your breath. Hard as we try we grandparents can't cure everything. Take yourself out of this picture for a while and just let your daughter handle her own business. You raised her so have faith she can deal with it. RELAX and wait and see what happens. Been there done it many times.

[Doublell]

Thank you. So glad I found this site. I am sometimes ashamed to tell my friends. My daughter embarrasses me by some of her choices. We live in relatively small community in Florida and everyone goes to her restaurant for socializing. Your advice seems to the popular consensus with my close friends who know us... thanks again

[Shaunic]

So What if your daughter had a biracial child, the important thing is that your grandchild is healthy and she is loved. I guess when you get past color and embrase your grandchild then your relationship you had with your daughter or want with her would be improved.

[Doublell]

I think you misread or I gave the wrong impression. As it was hard to overcome her pregnancy, the child is my world. My daughter refuses to grow up. S

[Doublell]

She is very angry. About what, I don't know. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. Her daughter is my concern, she is too hot headed to talk to. And she punishes me with baby. I thought motherhood would make her grow up but it didn't. Her lifestyle is at best questionable. She works hard, doesn't do drugs and is a wonderful mother, but she has some trouble with law over her driver license. She will most likely go to jail for a few days, what will she do with the baby then.

[talaniman]

Grandma will baby sit OR someone else will, cross that bridge when you get to it till then... RELAX!

[valinors_sorrow]

We teach people how to treat us in what we accept or refuse, in what we tolerate with gritted teeth and try to somehow work around and what we lovingly, gently confront and refuse to participate in. I realise there is your relationship with your grandchild in the mix here but to get to the grandchild, you must go through the mother, like it or not. So if your daughter is not treating you appropriately, don't be available for the abuse--and know you are not alone in letting go of a difficult relative too. Please don't be ransomed into accepting the unacceptable or you simply teach your grandchild that its okay to be in the abuse business, to one day take it and probably dish out it too.

[Doublell]

Thank you for the insight from someone looking or reading it. It has troubled me all day and last night. My mother died unexpectedely Feb1. She was an alcoholic but she bleed to death. I only have one child and while the circustances of her getting pregnant was not what I would have chosen, this baby means everything. She holds this child hostage from me as a punishment. But everyone so far, close friends included agree. I have and must remove myself from continued nastiness from my daughter. I too live in Florida, been married now for 15 years next week, have a loving husband (who also loves my daughter, she doesn't treat him badly) and came from a dysfunctional family. That's part of the reason her behavior is unacceptable.Thanks for all the help

[fed up]

If she does have to go to jail is there a husband or boyfriend in the picture? You could very well appeal to the courts for guardianship of the child while her mother has to be away. It isn't easy being a grandparent is it? My thoughts and prayers are with you. Good luck.

[Doublell]

She missed 3 days of her sheriff work farm. If she goes to jail it will probably only be for 3 days. Just thought of going to jail, my daughter didn't realize what driving on a suspended license. She tested the law and the law punishes. There is a boyfriend but he works all the time. He couldn't afford to lose his job. I guess this will have to play out, thanks for your input.

[Krs]

I have been reading through your posts.
You said your daughter is 23 years old. She is old enough to fend for herself.

I remember once mum and I were having a chat about children, falling pregnant at a young age or before marriage.. etc
These words stuck in my head that she said to me :-

"if you fall pregnant at a young age, or before marriage, i will support you becuase you are my flesh and blood, my daughter, i will help you where i can, but i will damn make sure that you know that the child is yours and not mine, you are its mother not me, so some sacrifice's you have to make".

[K_3]

It sounds as though your daughter is using your grandaughter as a pawn in her game of life. That is so bad for the child. My friends daughter is doing that, a few months ago, she said she was not going to take that abuse anymore. She made arrangements to get her grandson and not see her daughter. A few months later her daughter wouldn't allow that. She waited 3 months, found a lawyer and now has granparents rights. Her daughter was quite surprised when she and a police officer showed up at her door. My friend said she is not going to allow her daughter to manipulate her by using the child anymore. This does cost money and different states have different laws.

When children do this sort of thing, it is as though they feel they have some power over their parents now and they can control the situation, Controlling a situation by using a child is unforgivable. Same goes in divorces.

[trimmanfl]

It sounds like she might be on drugs? I had a son that did the same type of things to us . When he hit 21 , I let him set in jail . He did 18 months for drugs . When he got out , He got a job and became a new person . He is doing great today .

[isabelle]

My heart goes out to you. Sometimes our children do use their children as a club to beat the grand parent with. I have discovered that it doesn't matter what your daughter is mad about, you need to think of yourself and your grand child. She is only 6 months old so she won't remember this.
Now is the time for you to start trying to get grand parents rights. This is expensive and these rights are kind of new so it may take a while for it to happen. You said you had a husband so you do have a support system along with your friends.
You sound like a caring mother and grandmother and I know it will be hard to go to court. Please be aware that this may cause a bigger rift between you and your daughter.
I have learned to leave grown children alone because this is something they has to work out. There is nothing we can do to change them.
I wish you luck and remember that it doesn't have to be your fault that your daughter acts as she does.
Sometimes I think children feel that "MOM" is the safest person to take things "out on" because we will always love them, whatever happens.
Good luck to you. There has been some very good advise offered on this board. I hope it helps you in your time of need.

[fed up]

Good luck going into court. If you live in Ontario Canada you don't have any rights as a grandparent. We were told by a judge that the only thing that we were good for was free babysitting. It still doesn't sit well with me many years later. Good luck.