[MOMTOKAIT]

I'm hoping someone can help me here.

Background on me: 28 female, married with a 2 year old child.
I have a friend that I went to college with and got back in contact with about 3 years ago. Right around that time I got pregnant, and I also got her a job at the company where I work. My entire pregnancy she irritated and bothered me with her work ethics and the way she was suffocating me. When I went on maternity leave (it's a year here in Canada) it helped a lot and we started spending a lot of time together. I eventually got back to work and last August she got engaged and asked me to be her MOH. I said yes. She has been a bridezilla. She has been a horrible employee. She gets jealous when I eat lunch with my husband instead of her during the week. She is rude to my new next door neighbor because she thinks she'll take me away from her. It's insane. I don't agree with a lot of her work ethics/life ethics but since she is such an aggressive and smothering person I just keep my mouth shut. She is always trying to pit me against my employers, my husband and anyone other than her. She's very negative and I find myself being a horrible person when I am with her.

Her wedding is in September. I am having anxiety attacks, my depression is getting worse and I am having a really hard time being her friend. I want to break up with her but am having difficulty with it because we work together and because I am in her wedding.

Does anyone have any advice for me on how to do it, whether to do it etc?

[Lavina]

Hello,

Well it seems to me that your friend is a big pushoever and having friends like that are no to great for one's mental health. I would suggest talking to her about her attitude and why she always seem to want to complain to you about her life and work ethics. Bare in mind that no friend should do this to another friend. It's always hard to break up with a friend if you do not have a good reason, but in your case you do. You know that it's the right way to go when you want to break up with you friend, explain the reason why and try to make her understand your point of view and what she is doing to you. It's not very healthy to be friends with a negative person there are always some long lasting effects. I hope this helps, good luck! :)

[MrAdams]

Your friend is more than likely not used to having friends and probably doesn't have many if any other than you it's a surprise she is in a relationship that has led into the marriage aspect of things she's very insecure about herself and demands a lot of attention whether its good or bad the best thing you can do is to confront her she is making your life miserable and a living hell and "with friends like that who needs enemies" if she is pitting you against your husband and your bosses then that definitely isn't good your job is your livelyhood and your husband is your life along with your kids you need to part ways despite how difficult it may be make it through the wedding if you can so she doesn't have that against you but for the benefit of your sanity try and take a stand and tell her she isn't your number one priority that you have your family to think about and your job... if she gets overly bent out of shape about it speak to your employers and let them know you don't want what's between you and her jeopardizing your job you may do this anyway so as to make them aware of any possible situations so they can keep an eye on things there but you need to tell her she is too much for you and you can't devote yourself solely to her

[elrp]

Although this may be hard to understand but the only reason she is acting in such a way is because you mean so much to her. She doesn't want to loose you because of how much she cares about you. Let her know that you appreciate her caring so much about you but other people care about you too. She doesn't own you and even if you don't spend all your time with her it doesn't mean you don't want her as a friend (Even if at the moment it feels like you don't want her as a friend).

It's probably best not to keep your mouth shut when soemthign is bothering you. She has such strong views and it willing to share them, so share your views as well. Don't be ashamed to say how you feel and what you think. I'm sure she'd rather know if something she was doing was upsetting you, than you just keeping it to yourself feeling worse and worse.

If you do decide to tell her, she should be very understanding, and after all... you are friends so she should try and look at it from your point of view and change what she is doing.