[layia6]

My Mother was killed in amotercycle accident on Thanksgiving of last year, 11-27-03 a date forever burned into my head, I am 28 yrs old and feel like I am going crazy really like I need to go to a hospital. Now my doctors do not seem to think so, and I don't always feel that way but my anxiety attacks are so bad now the only thing that helps is the xanax. So, I will take as much of it as I know will stop all of my symptoms.

So...

HELP. I don't know what to do anymore so I am turning to you. I have both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I see both up to 3 times a month. I am on xanax and wellbutrin.
Xanax 3mg twice a day, wellbutrin 300mg once a day.

[jolly-angel]

Very sorry to hear you lost your Mum (I'm from the UK)
And to hear how bad you are feeling. Although I haven't lost a parent, I have lost a daughter at 2 day's old.
Everything you are experiencing is a normal response to bereavment, I too had panic attacks etc and thought my world had ended, you just need to talk as much as you can and try not to bottle it all up! Cry when you need to. Do you have any family support at all??
Its only been a year! Don't be so hard on yourself! No you don't need to be admitted to hospital that would only make you worse!!
Take care hope I have helped... if you want to talk again then I am hear to listen :)
Tara

[layia6]

Thank You for your response. They say next to losing a parent at a young age, losing a child is much worse. So, I am so very sorry for your loss as well. My stepfathers side of the family are not kind people and gave me and my mother a lot of problems, so I am not in any way associated with them mostly.

My mothers side of the family all live in GA and are not taking all this well. They are very old and every day I just wait by the phone to get the news I need to bury another family member.

My grandmother in her old age is kind of absent minded about the accident and that is all she wants to talk about when I call her. My Grandparents had 5 children, 3 girls and 2 boys.

My aunt Darlene who was very close to my mother is the one I call when I get out of controle. She also has all her sense about her.

My other aunt is mentaly challenged and can not fend for herself, and lives with my grandparents.

My uncle is a drug addict and can not be trusted.

My other uncle is a bible beater and thinks my mother's soul is in trouble, so needless to say I don't speak to him much.

I have 2 stepbrothers one by my mother and one by my stepfathers other marriage. My younger brother and my father are blood, so it was his mom and he has his dad.

The only family that I am concerned with are my grandparents, to which I will be flying up the end of May
And both of my aunts.

My mother used to take on all these burdons with her side of the family with the money situations, and keeping things together. Now I feel as though I need to do the same thing. I don't mind at all I love them very much. I just seems to get harder for me because my mother was a bit different from, she had a way to fix everything. I have know idea even how to begin to fix this.

Maybe this is why I feel scared all the time.

Thanks for listening.

-Misty

[jolly-angel]

Hi Misty
Glad to be here for you even if its just to let you talk it through

No wonder you have so many anxieties and feel so ill... your family are not your responsibility!! Your only resposibility is to yourself and your well being! No you don't have to step into your mothers shoes in regards to helping your family out! That was the life she chose... it will only cause you more stress!!

I had problems with my family for awhile and it wasn't until I stepped away and distanced myself that the anxiety lifted! And I think it was my daughter dying that enabled me to do this!! And made me re-evaluate my life and my priorities. Please be gentle with yourself and try to do some sort of relaxing thing everyday! Honestly it really works... try to slow your breathing down and do something everyday that makes you happy... whether its reading a book, a long soak in the bath, a walk in a beautiful park or something... take care and write back again
Tara

[layia6]

Hi Tara,

Yes it does feel better to talk about things, and I do have interesting news.

I have found out that I am going to be a mom in December. My mother must be hard at work... ha ha

So I have stopped taking all of my medications and I feel great. Ok I had to go through hell to get here but I'm here!
As a result of the obrubt interruption in meds I had a seizure
While in the bath tub. My fiancé found me and called the paramedics. While
At the hospital the doctor told me it was from the complete stop of all my meds. I got threw it
However and now feel great and very excited to say the least. I am about 5 weeks so far, needless
To say I found out very early thank god because the medications I was taking could really affect the
Baby. So all seems to be going well for now. You know I really do believe my mom had a hand in all
Of this.

Well bye for now.

-Misty ;D

[jolly-angel]

Fantastic news ;)
My partner's Grandad died when I fell pregnant with my son so you never know!

I hope you can find some peace now with yourself and put all your energies into being well for this little life that needs his/her Mom to be healthy and happy! Of course your Mom is looking after you and has sent you a little one to love. I am convinced my daughter that we lost sent me my 3rd daughter and I really feel that when things go well that it's down to Molly looking after us all . I'm not religious at all but it helps to think this way.

Please keep in touch throughout your pregnancy I'd love to hear all about it and maybe help if I can... I've had 3 babies now so I'm a bit of an expert hahahahahaha

Bye for now
Love
Tara
Ps you can email me privately if you'd prefer?

[layia6]

My new friend Tara,

Is great to know I have someone to talk to who has been through it 3 times. This morning I woke up with what looked like very very light brown blood. I have been online all morning looking it up and I have come to many different answers.

It seems that this is OK and will pass just as long as I have no more. I went to the bathroom for the 2nd time today and found nothing so I think I am OK. I have a feeling its one of those things where you think everything is wrong. I know most everyone thinks much the same way their 1st time around, did you?

I am not going to worrie. I have a doctors app tomarrow so I will find out more. They did an ultrasound Monday and the nurse who did it said I was very early, so early in fact the computer could not calculate just how many weeks I am. She did however say that everything looks like it should for now and seems to think my doctor will call for another test within 2 weeks.

So I will keep you updated.

It is unbelivable that right after I wrote the first message to you and we started to talk that about 2 weeks after everything seems to be just fine, different nodoubt but all around OK! ;)
I guess I put all of my thought into my wonderful new little gift. My mom did this, and I so understand what you mean about Molly looking after you all, I know my mom saw me suffering and did what she knew would turn me around.

Well I will let you know what happens tomarrow after I see the doctor.

Bye
Misty

[jolly-angel]

Hi Misty
I have sent you a private email.. reply to it if you receive it OK

Let me know how it went with the doctors Ok... I had the same thing as I mentioned in my email and everything was fine... you sound really good.. what a turn around from your first message

Maybe your mum sent me too? Haha I'd like to think I was helping in some way :) some how I found this site and your message... and I live so far away in the UK

Take care and write soon
Tara

[Nicole]

You know... I just lost my mother in October to an anureasym. I was at collegs and I tell you that I have found that my life is not going to get better right away. I feel like I am in a tunnel chasing her... and I cannot reach her. I tried friends and they did not understand. I felt lost. I then realized that I had to give my feelings to the Lord because do you know what? He is the one who is holding my momma so close to Him. So if He allowed her to get out of this horrid life, then why not give Him my trust that He is taking care of her? I know what it is like, I may not know you, but I do know what it is like to lose your world in a moments time. You don't need the hopital. I thought that I was crazy too, until I felt so selfish for wanting my momma to come back to this demonic place called life, and to be so physically miserable.
I will be here tomorrow, so maybe we can chat,
Nicole

My Mother was killed in amotercycle accident on Thanksgiving of last year, 11-27-03 a date forever burned into my head, I am 28 yrs old and feel like I am going crazy really like I need to go to a hospital. Now my doctors do not seem to think so, and I don't always feel that way but my anxiety attacks are so bad now the only thing that helps is the xanax. So, I will take as much of it as I know will stop all of my symptoms.

so......

HELP. I don't know what to do anymore so I am turning to you. I have both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I see both up to 3 times a month. I am on xanax and wellbutrin.
Xanax 3mg twice a day, wellbutrin 300mg once a day.

[Jada]

I lost My Mother Aug 12 2004, 11 days before My Birthday. I was very close to My Mom. And also have the same terror, I was My Mothers P.C.A. I took care of everything. Big job, little did I know. I have been told I have "Post tramatic stress disorder". Since August it has not gotton any better, people forget and move on... it becomes "old news". I still wake up and run to the other room to talk to her. Then it hits me all over again. Never again will she be able to hold me and say "everything is going to be ok". The roles changed in my case, I took care of her in the end, and the suffering that she went through is what my nightmares are made up of. I turn 30 this August. The panic attacks are here to stay and the pain still brings me to my knees. People always say "its a part of life" uh huh... well without a Mother there would be no life.

[desigal]

My mom died in an accident when I was 11. I am 27 now. Growing up I used to have these periods when I would just cry and cry and then I would be OK for a few months. Her death was never really discussed at home and my dad has never remarried.
I am in a steady relationship since past 5 years, but feel unable to trust my partner 100%. I am like this with almost everyone except my dad, and the people around me can feel that distrust. I was wondering if anyone had experienced a similar thing and if it has anything to do with my mom's death?
Thanks.

[DVJul]

The book Home by the actress Sela Ward helped me a lot after my Mother's desk.

Talking with friends who were in the same situation and also spending time in nature helped too.
My Mother died just 4 months after my Grandmother so my emotions were a wreck.
Time does help with the anguish. At first when something suddenly reminded me of my Mother I would unexpectedly burst into tears. Now after a few years I still miss her terribly but am not so visibly emotional about it.

[lostinatrance]

My mother died when I was 11 days old. To this day it hurts me even though I never knew her, but it's still painful. The only thing you can do is remind yourself that even though she's gone, she's in a better place. She has nothing to worry about and she's at peace. Remind yourself that when she was alive, you may have had a good relationship with her, and be thankful you had her in your life. She might be dead but she's still with you in spirit. Just focus on the other good things in life. Talk to a friend, try doing things you once enjoyed, or find a hobby.

[Arjaysoftware]

First of all.

Look up to the sky, some special night. Find a star, one that catches your eye. Tell that star how much you love her and miss her. Hold the vision of the star in your mind thinking only of her.

Tell no-one of your special star. Speak to her as often as you like. Listen to what she has to say to you. The little voice inside.

Make no matter of declaring the exact star worry of position, for in the mind's eye you will remember her for the rest of your life.

Look up to the sky, you will find her again. Listen to the little voice inside. And when the fangs of panic set in, look to the sky for your special friend.

For mountains can crumble, rivers can vanish, but the stars...

RJ