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20082008 · Jan 16, 2009, 12:28 PM

Have any of you regretted a break up but didn't tell ex not to upset their life or for fear of rejection?

liz28 · Jan 16, 2009, 12:59 PM

Usually when you first break-up with someone you regret it because the break-up is fresh. However, you have to keep in mind why you broke up with them in the first place. In time you will get over regretting the broke-up and realize that your better off without that person in your life but again this takes time. So just heal yourself and let go and after you heal your going reflect back on this break-up and rejoice.

SBohds · Jan 16, 2009, 01:50 PM

I believe if you are still in contact with your ex, communication is the best. Why sit around and wonder? If you placed a bet on all the fearful scenarios that move around in your mind you'd probably lose-th answer is usually not that bad

talaniman · Jan 17, 2009, 11:20 PM

You sound pretty fresh from a break up. Most people who heal, and move on, are glad they did, as their life got better, and they don't want the ex back. Have no regrets, look forward, not back.

20082008 · Jan 18, 2009, 06:41 AM

It's not fresh at all. We've been broken up for 11 months now. I've had so much time to think things through. Truth is I miss him terribly and think maybe we could have worked things out.

sully123 · Jan 18, 2009, 07:09 AM

You could have, would have, its time to move on, like you have done. We always think back if you would have done this, maybe it would have worked out. No one knows the future, he might circle back someday, and usually they all do. But for right now concentrate on yourself, as hard as it is. It's winter time, its dreary (well I guess it depends where you live), and your mind starts wondering. You made it 11 months now, so just keep on looking forward, and do what's good for you.

talaniman · Jan 18, 2009, 07:18 AM

You look back too much, try looking forward. If it was just a matter of working things out, then no one would ever break up, so there is some other factor here that your missing.

Haven't you ever been in a situation you didn't want to be in? What was the outcome then.

Cope with those feelings.

He didn't want to work things out. You had hurt each other to badly to reconcile, and not worked a thing out, only argued and lashed out. You may of calmed down, but he decided he had enough. So what you have to accept is he not feeling for you, as you felt for him. That's why you can't move on, and still hold out hope, you haven't accepted how he feels.

20082008 · Jan 18, 2009, 07:55 AM

I was the one who didn't want to work things out then. He had tried for 4 months post break up to get me back. So having this in mind, what do you advise?

kctiger · Jan 18, 2009, 08:00 AM

I advise you to move on. Clearly, he has moved on, as you denied him for four months, and he is no longer available for you.

I tried for four months to get my ex back, and finally I decided that I am wasting my time. I was tired of being denied and hurt... so was he. The past is the past, and, as for me, I wouldn't take my ex back if she wanted to get back together... not after what I went through.

20082008 · Jan 18, 2009, 08:03 AM

Also wanted to say that the reason I denied him for all months is because I felt hurt, and he didn't seem to respect my decision and leave me alone. The more he pushed, the less respected I felt. He didn't know how to handle it. I still loved him but everything he did just pushed me further away.

kctiger · Jan 18, 2009, 08:16 AM

Understood... fact remains, you can only hit a dog so many times before it doesn't come back to you. Regardless of your reasons, he had his, and he (like me) didn't know how to handle it, so he was still hurt by the refusal of you to reconcile...

ja77 · Jan 18, 2009, 09:06 AM

Leopards do not change their spots. You are holding onto the - Should have, Would have, Could have -

We can all look back on things in our past with rose coloured sunglasses, there was a reason why you two broke up, there was a reason why you made no contact and there was a reason why your relationship did not work.

You need to move forwards with your life and leave the past in the past. The person you split with is not going to change they are still in time going to be the same person that you broke with because you no longer wanted to be with them.

20082008 · Jan 18, 2009, 09:23 AM

Thank you all for your input! I think the reason I am still pondering on this is because he doesn't know I've had a change of heart and also does not know the reasons I had acted the way I did. The only thing I've done after all this is call him once asking to talk. He never called back.

kctiger · Jan 18, 2009, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by 20082008

He never called back.

Hmmmm... so doesn't that comfirm everything we have been telling you? ;)

ja77 · Jan 18, 2009, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Hmmmm....so doesn't that comfirm everything we have been telling you? ;)

I agree 100% if this person had any interest they would have called you back.

Sorry to be blunt but they have moved on with there life - it is now time for you to do the same.

ja77 · Jan 18, 2009, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Hmmmm... so doesn't that comfirm everything we have been telling you? ;)

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to kctiger again.

I agree 100% if this person had any interest they would have called you back.

Sorry to be blunt but they have moved on with there life - it is now time for you to do the same.

sully123 · Jan 18, 2009, 10:38 AM

May I ask why did the two of you break up in the first place? Did he cheat or something like that? You had said he had tried to contact you and wouldn't leave you alone, you were too hurt. How did this all come about?

20082008 · Jan 18, 2009, 11:12 AM

You can have a look at my original post for more details...

sully123 · Jan 18, 2009, 03:27 PM

I myself have been through the same thing, you say these things out of nowhere. It just gets you to that point. It didn't seem like you were happy, that's why you broke it off. Then his heart was broken, and then he felt it was too late. I myself, same kind of scenario my ex boyfriend adored me, and he broke it off, because he was just mad. I try begging him to just talk, and when I look back I was just stupid for doing that. They need their space. Well that was 15 months ago, and just until a couple of months ago,he contacted me, we saw each other like two months ago, kept in contact like just texting back in forth, and I just saw him the other night. We decided to remain friends. I am happy with that right now, because its him who is pursuing me.. so sometimes they just circle back. I would suggest he now knows how you feel, just to wait it out. By no means, don't put your life on hold.. Go out and meet new friends, and see what happens.. Good luck

learnintolikeme · Jan 19, 2009, 08:48 AM

I believe that the clue to your hurt is in your statement. Quite often we say things reflecting our innermost feelings.
You say that you did not tell her your feelings for fear of rejection.
This fear could be also be affecting you in finding a new partner.
Sometimes we get caught in a rut and tend to turn to " the devil we know" instead of trying out new things.
I think that you are over her in many ways but the hurt you feel deep inside needs to be addressed.
Talk to your doctor he will help you find the best solution.
Believe in yourself you sound like you have a lot to offer the right person.
Good luck.