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Melissa_0049 · Jul 24, 2006, 09:07 PM

I want my ex boyfriend back... we went out for a year... we broke up... because so much was wrong... we were fighting heaps you know...
Its taken me half a year to realise I still really love him... he said I mean more to him than anyone else... because we lost our virginity to each other...
And he will always love me but I'm pretty shore he wong go back out with me... cause the first time we went out it was very painful for us both... we hurt each other a lot and I just as much as him am scared to be hurt again... but I love him and I am not happy without him... I love him with all my heart and want him back so that I can make him happy as well cause he also said he hasn't been happy since we broke up... how do I asure him everything will be okay if we were together again?

Skell · Jul 24, 2006, 09:35 PM

This seems like a situation where you just want what you can't have.
Your post quite clearly states that the relationship was terrible. You fought, hurt one another, probably had no trust, no respect. There is not one thing said in your post that indicates a good reason for you to get back with him. It is all negative.

How can you love someone that you constantly fought with?
Please move on... Join a gym, workout, get a new hobby, do other things to take your mind of this guy.

Ask yourself what has changed since the first time you tries to suggest that things will be different this time.

Sorry to say but it just doesn't look like a good idea to get back with him. More trouble I would dare suggest.

Maybe you should provide us some more detail on why you broke up the first time. How old you are etc.

Melissa_0049 · Jul 24, 2006, 09:41 PM

We broke up the first time because yea your right trust... I drove him away with jealously I wanted him all to myself... so I was jealous... but I was only this way because my mum drove past him with this girl... plus his best friend told me he had been going to his ex girlfriends house... without telling me... one day she called me out of the blue and said she kissed him... and it hurt me so we fought a lot cause he denied doing it and I didn't beleve him cause the girl was my ex best friend but also a get around... hmm...

Skell · Jul 24, 2006, 09:52 PM

See there you go.
He cheated on you. Your lack of trust was justified.
I know what it is like to be in love with someone in the past. It is painful but it will get easier if you allow it to.

You need to move on from this guy.

As I said, find something else to occupy your mind with. I found going on long runs and working out to be great.

You might find something else to do.

Learn a new language. Educate yourself further somehow. Improve on yourself. Surround yourself with your friends and family.

When you read both your previous posts can you see how it would be iompossible for anyone to recommend that you really try and get back with this guy?

Go on read them to yourself.. Ask yourself why?

I don't think you will find an answer that is justifiable.

YeloDasy · Jul 24, 2006, 10:03 PM

I know that first loves take a long time to get over. I was off and on for 4 years with my first love (fist everything :) ) It took me what seem slike forever to move on, and I knew he was there if I needed him so I took advantage. We broke up because we were young and needed to experience life, nothing negative. And I used to say the same thing... he was my first love, I know we are not happy without each other... but even though I would do anything for him... I know he is not the one for me!

You will realize this later... it is better to start on solid ground with someone else than to start over with someone that you have unresloved issues with... that is bad news ma'am! There eis a grieveing process and it sounds like you are in one of the stages, the one that makes you want to get back together... hehe But maybe timing, maturity, and life experience will make this right later... but right now, not much has changed in your lives... what tells you this will work now? Think about it, okay?

diamond16 · Jul 25, 2006, 01:23 AM

I can relate in your situation I actually had an ex who I was broken up with for 2 yrs and every day during those two years I thought of him. Until one day my best friend gave me the best advice ever she said. "Get your man girl" and at that moment I took action. Stop thinking with your head and think with your heart. Actions speak louder than words show him you love him be the bigger person and if all else fails just know you believed in love and you two just weren't meant to be. Just remember you teach people how to treat you. We all go through lessons in love just realize and recognize what the problems were the first time around and make sure you lay them all out before you too get serious again.:)

Wildcat21 · Jul 25, 2006, 09:06 AM

If there was cheating YOU SHOULD NEVER WANT THEM BACK.

It rings true Every time... once a cheate, always a cheater... they never stop - he will one day cheat on your again. He doesn't respect you. You don't trust him - you never will completely trust.

You need trust, balance, repsect, compromise...

You will never have these with him... you should NEVER get back together if here was cheating, lying, abuse etc.

This would ALWAYS be an unhealthy relationship - believe me. Find soemoen YOU can trust!!

tirednhurt86 · Jul 25, 2006, 02:33 PM

Heyy

I can relate to your problem. I went out with my ex boyfriend for 2 years- and like u, I lost my virginity to him. It has been three months since he dumped me. The pain is still unbearable and I cry every night. I tried to get him back a couple times- I cried, begged- u name it I tried it- and every time, every single time, he hurt me. The truth is, he is done with me forever. The pain in knowing that kills me. I sometimes think I will never love like that again, or that I will never find someone who will love me as he did ( although my friends say he was emotionally abusive and now I'm starting to realize they are right)... anyhow, even though we want our ex's back and we think it will make us happy- and maybe it will temporarily, in the end it will most likely not work. Read this book- It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt ( I always recommend this book to anyone I know going through a breakup) it tells you that its called a breakup because its broken- something was broken and it cannot be fixed- trust me this book is helpful. It is a hard process, and it takes lots of time, as I'm sure you know, I'm still trying to recover. Try to work on you for now, and hang out with friends, and know that there was a reason for the breakup- and that you cannot make someone want to love you or be with u- and would you really want to? Anyhow good luck, if you want to chat private message me because I know what the pain is like...

Wildcat21 · Jul 25, 2006, 02:55 PM

Verbal abuse can be worse than physical.

Begging/schemes/pleading - only pushes them away further. It's desperation. That person has to WANT to work on things.

The only way I have ever seen people get back together is IF you give them space and LEAVE THEM ALONE.

But it had to have been a HEALTHY relationship.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2006, 03:12 PM

By Wildcat

The only way I have ever seen people get back together is IF you give them space and LEAVE THEM ALONE.

But it had to have been a HEALTHY relationship

Not only do I agree but you can take it to the bank! We all have memories that will stay with us forever, but you can't build a life or a relationship on them.