[intheblack]

They have had a phone relationship for about 6 months, I found out about 3 months ago, and finally asked that no more calls be done (approximately 3months there was around 400 calls some of them where calls made but not answered by the person they were calling). Husband was not telling wife of this found out because child noticed something odd. He says she is a good friend and nothing else. That is hard for me because when I ask what they talk about he forgets. She has called when I am with him and he may or may not answer the phone. She was in the hospital and he went and seen her, did not tell me when it happened, we got into an argument and it came out. She just broke up with her boyfriend and the calls have started again. What do I do? Is this normal?

[ZoeMarie]

I would say no, this isn't normal for a couple reasons.
1. it sounds like you haven't met her. Any friends of my husband's that are women, I have either met, or talked to
2. he feels the need to keep this relationship private.

[Starbucks21]

This sounds fishy...

Ask to meet her.

If he says no, for no good reason, then I may get a little more suspicious

My husband has a few female friends (mostly co-workers) I haven't met but if I asked to meet them he'd let me asap.

It's not the female friend that sounds fishy to me. It's his secretive attitude and how he seems to be sneaking around about it.

[learnintolikeme]

I agree with the others this does ot sound good. Your gut feeling is telling you something.
How long do the calls last for?
How many calls are initiated by your husband?
How can this affect his job if it is an emotional affair?
Could he lose his job if the friensdship ends?
How close is their job? She is his boss but do they work on projects that depend on each others role?
Do the phonecalls happen in working hours or do they extend to weekends and evenings? If so then I would have warning bells ringing loud and clear.
I can imagine that you are in a phase of your marriage where things aren't quite so exciting, maybe some small irritations and arguments are arising or communication between you has stopped, otherwise you may not have been so worried... you have to deal with these to regain his affection for you before it is too late.
I hope things can work well for you it sounds like you care a lot for him.

[is this right]

Def agree with all the above.

If the situation betwwen him and the other lady was a straight friendship, he would WANT to introduce you.

I would remain calm, don't approach him in an aggressive manner regarding this. MAybe just say that you know she is a good friend of his, and it might be nice to therefore meet her for a drink or something similar.

You need to approach it with him, but as a man, I can tell you he will be extreamly defensive over the whole thing regardless of whether they are just friends or anything more. So approach it in calm manner, and make your offer of meeting her almost a favour to him.

Hope this helps and good luck.

T

[v1033]

I also think it is a good idea for you to ask to meet her.
I have many more male friends than female friends so I don't necessarily think the his relationship with her is inappropriate.

Most of my male friends my husband has met, some he hasn't but if he asked to I would make sure I invited him next time we meet up.

Ask to meet her in a casual way, hopefully he will arrange it and that will put your mind at rest. If he makes excuses as to why you can't meet I would start to be suspicious. If he point blank refuses I would be very concerned!

Let us know what he says.

[phil1129]

Take it someone who betrayed his own wife by having an emotional affair, then was immediately betrayed her own emotional affair with a coworker.
If I was a betting man, I would put all my money on the fact that it is an emotional affair, at the least. With my wife, it happened while we were both in counseling over my issue.
There is no reason for a married man to be that friendly with another woman. Especially if you have concerns about it. The fact that he works with her, sees her all the time, and still fills the need to speak to her that often is beyond suspicious.
Google emotional affairs, print out the warning signs, and show it to him. See how he reacts.