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ttaz · Jan 7, 2009, 11:28 PM

I am from South Dakota and I had met a man that had full legal custody of his infant son. The biological mother very rare saw the child and was not involved in his life. I started dating this man when the child was 8 months old and we were engaged by the time he was 11 months old. The child's father pushed me into becoming the child's "mom" he taught him to call me "mommy" when he was just learning to talk and although I objected at the beginning I eventually gave in. I discussed with this man that if I became mom to this little boy that there was no going back. I loved as much as I love my 2 biological children and still do. I raised him as my own until he was 2 yrs old. His father and I split up a month before he turned 2 but I still lived in the house waiting for the lease to expire. I was still taking care of him as my own. I moved out a month after he turned 2 and still tried hard to be apart of his life as much as I could seeing him at least once a week and even watching him when his father wanted to go out. He eventually became angry with me for a reason he has still not told me and would not let me see him at all throwing it in my face that I was not the child's mother and there was nothing I could about it. I had heard from others that I could probably get legal visitation but I was going to be moving 2 hours away to go to school and I felt that it might be hard to get it. I felt that he was young enough that he would probably forget about me and his "sisters" and that might be for the best. I have since regretted this decision and have now starting talking to the father again and he has agreed to allow us to start seeing him again. I am afraid if we become a part of his life again that his father might take him away from us again and I don't know if I could handle it again and it is really hard on the kids. Is it possible to make visitation legal so that we can ensure that we can continue seeing him if something happens again?

Starbucks21 · Jan 7, 2009, 11:30 PM

If he adopted the child yes. If not no.

Starbucks21 · Jan 7, 2009, 11:32 PM

However If it is possible for you two to come to a visitation schedule that is reasonable for the both of you... that could work

ttaz · Jan 8, 2009, 12:14 AM

He is the biological and legal parent and we never ended up getting married. He acts like it will be OK to start seeing the child again but I am afraid he will again change his mind once we become involved again. He is not willing to allow anything to be written up legally but I want to ensure that the visitations continue. I am desperate to be a part of his life. Is there anything I can do.

Starbucks21 · Jan 8, 2009, 12:19 AM

If you aren't the legal adoptive mother then you don't have any legal rights to the kids.

Without any legally binding document it be hard to get any visitation enforced.

JudyKayTee · Jan 8, 2009, 05:38 AM

Originally Posted by ttaz

I am from South Dakota and I had met a man that had full legal custody of his infant son. The biological mother very rare saw the child and was not involved in his life. I started dating this man when the child was 8 months old and we were engaged by the time he was 11 months old. The child's father pushed me into becoming the child's "mom" he taught him to call me "mommy" when he was just learning to talk and although I objected at the beginning I eventually gave in. I discussed with this man that if I became mom to this little boy that there was no going back. I loved as much as I love my 2 biological children and still do. I raised him as my own until he was 2 yrs old. His father and I split up a month before he turned 2 but I still lived in the house waiting for the lease to expire. I was still taking care of him as my own. I moved out a month after he turned 2 and still tried hard to be apart of his life as much as I could seeing him at least once a week and even watching him when his father wanted to go out. He eventually became angry with me for a reason he has still not told me and would not let me see him at all throwing it in my face that I was not the child's mother and there was nothing I could about it. I had heard from others that I could probably get legal visitation but I was going to be moving 2 hours away to go to school and I felt that it might be hard to get it. I felt that he was young enough that he would probably forget about me and his "sisters" and that might be for the best. I have since regretted this decision and have now starting talking to the father again and he has agreed to allow us to start seeing him again. I am afraid if we become a part of his life again that his father might take him away from us again and I don't know if I could handle it again and it is really hard on the kids. Is it possible to make visitation legal so that we can ensure that we can continue seeing him if something happens again?

You have no legal standing or rights, unfortunately. Whether you do or don't visit is at the father's discretion.