Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    helpless112's Avatar
    helpless112 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 6, 2009, 08:48 AM
    Men and threesomes!
    So I want to get an opinion on a topic that freaked me out last night. I've been married for a little over 3 months now. And last night my husband and I were watching TV, when he came out and asked me how I felt about threesomes. And we weren't watching anything that was related to this topic. So I was caught off guard. Anyway, I told my hubby that I wasn't into threesomes explaining that it would only invite trouble into a relationship... and that I really didn't want to invite someone else into our bedroom. THen I asked him how he felt about it.. and he paused to think.. and said well it depends... he goes if it's with a guy.. then that's a big no.. but a woman.. and then I stopped him and got upset. I asked him if he wasn't feeling satisfied in the bedroom... and he said our sex life was fine. He said he was just asking out of curiousity. And then he changed his tune and said he wasn't into threesomes. He's saying that I'm reading too much into this.. Am I? I can't help feel that perhaps he's not being fulfilled. So I'm a bit down today... any advice would be great.
    450donn's Avatar
    450donn Posts: 1,821, Reputation: 239
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Jan 6, 2009, 08:56 AM

    There was a recent thread on this subject. The consesus was that it will invite problems into the relationship. Might want to ask him if he has been watching too much porn? And see what his reaction is.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Jan 6, 2009, 08:57 AM

    I think he was hoping you'd say you were open to another woman. You have said you are not interested and that should be the end of it. But if he brings it up again, talk about a second guy (rather than a woman) and keep bringing the conversation back to that. That should cool his burners.

    And don't agree to anything. Just talking about it is apparently titillating to him. Try not to be upset. You cannot be made to do this and you are not going to do it just because he wants it. You have boundaries. Just look at him, smile, and say "In your dreams."

    You are not helpless.
    JustHisGirl's Avatar
    JustHisGirl Posts: 84, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Jan 6, 2009, 09:00 AM

    I think all guys would like to have two women at the same time. My boyfriend asked me the same thing once. I told him no and that was that. I'm not upset about it. I'm not telling you that its wrong for you to feel the way you do. I understand. I was a little worried when he first asked me. But he was OK when I said no. he jokes around about it and "begs" me to say yes. But he's just messing around. I don't really know what to tell you to do. But I'm just telling you that how you feel is OK.
    JustHisGirl's Avatar
    JustHisGirl Posts: 84, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Jan 6, 2009, 09:06 AM

    OK your right. I didn't think about that. Not all guys are the same. I should know that. OK a lot of guys. Lol
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Jan 6, 2009, 09:27 AM

    Yeah. :) And even then, I think it's mostly a fantasy. A few of them actually want it. A few more want to be able to say they did it once...
    helpless112's Avatar
    helpless112 Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Jan 6, 2009, 11:34 AM
    But do any of you think that my hubby brought this topic up because he might be feeling unsatisfied? Maybe there's something he wants that he's not getting from me.. and is hoping a third party could spice things up..? I know a lotta guys have threesome fantasies... but this topic never ever came up when I was dating my man... and we had so many convos regarding sex... so I'm wondering why he's bringing it up now after marriage. And then he also asked if I was conscious about my body... and if that was the reason I wasn't into threesomes. I just said it wasn't my thing... and left it at that. (sigh) who ever thought of the idea of threesomes anyway...
    Starbucks21's Avatar
    Starbucks21 Posts: 282, Reputation: 23
    Full Member
     
    #8

    Jan 6, 2009, 12:05 PM

    Nah, I think he is being a guy and having a fantasy. Guys have fantasies all the time.
    JustHisGirl's Avatar
    JustHisGirl Posts: 84, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Jan 6, 2009, 12:17 PM

    He's probably not unsatisfied. If he was he would probably be looking to porn or possibly cheating on you. It could have been something that just popped in his head and he figured he would ask you to see how you felt about it. To me sex is something that you only share with that one person. But people have different views on it.
    asking's Avatar
    asking Posts: 2,673, Reputation: 660
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Jan 6, 2009, 04:06 PM

    If he's been looking at porn, that might have given him the idea. Stop blaming yourself. You are fine. He married you, didn't he? I'm guessing it was just a thought. Forget it. If he brings it up again, he's the one with a problem.

    You were right to give no reasons you were not interested. Do not let him try to suggest that there is something wrong with you, or that you are insecure for not wanting to do it. You are emotionally healthy to have clear boundaries.

    I highly recommend you put this out of your mind. Don't bring it up with him.
    momof2kids's Avatar
    momof2kids Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #11

    Jan 7, 2009, 01:32 PM
    You are not wrong to feel the way that you feel... I think that we as WOMEN always look further into a question or situation, but that's what makes us different from men.. Of course, you immediately assume that it is you, but it is not.. He was probably trying to catch you off guard and see what your response was... If you are COMPLETELY against this then tell him and he SHOULD understand (not that he will, but he SHOULD)...

    GOod luck!
    KISS's Avatar
    KISS Posts: 12,510, Reputation: 839
    Uber Member
     
    #12

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:20 PM

    One time long ago, I was asked by two girls in a bar if I wanted to have a threesome. I declined because I had something to do early the next morning. I was also was not prepared for the question.

    But the thought continued and now I would be unable to preform due to health reasons.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #13

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:29 PM

    Only you know your husband so you should be able to figure out if he's was joking or not.

    Me and my fiancé had an open discussion on this topic. He tried to say he wasn't into it and oneday I tested him to see his reaction and he was all for it. It was a good April fool joke.

    I have heard stories about people inviting a third oarty into the picture and most of the time it doesn't work out to well and cause a load of problems or a break-up.

    In the end, if your for it then don't do it. If he brings it up again you tell him you don't feel comfortable about adding another women to the mix but will add a man, since he don' want another man in the mix or just be honest and stand your ground.
    BlackVY's Avatar
    BlackVY Posts: 823, Reputation: 154
    Senior Member
     
    #14

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:39 PM

    Wow... weird...

    I was with my girlfriend once... and she was telling me she wanted to have a 3some with me... which was her, myself and another girl.. and she was kind of shocked when I said I wasn't really into it...

    I'm a guy, but when I'm with a girl, intimately, I don't want to be with anyone else, and having another girl there doesn't really do it for me. In my mind, its just not right...

    Maybe there is something wrong with me... :(
    JustHisGirl's Avatar
    JustHisGirl Posts: 84, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #15

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:47 PM

    There's nothing wrong with you. Your girl is lucky. My boyfriend is the same way.. even though I'm sure he would have a 3some if I said yea lol. But when he's with someone he doesn't want anyone else.
    BlackVY's Avatar
    BlackVY Posts: 823, Reputation: 154
    Senior Member
     
    #16

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:51 PM

    Haha.. thanks for the confirmation.. if you boyfriend is anything like me, he wouldn't really be into it even if you said yes... maybe he'd do it if you really wanted to, for your sake... lol :)
    JustHisGirl's Avatar
    JustHisGirl Posts: 84, Reputation: 4
    Junior Member
     
    #17

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:52 PM

    I don't know how he really feels about it. I don't think we have seriously discussed it. He's mostly just joked around about it. So I don't know.
    michealb's Avatar
    michealb Posts: 484, Reputation: 129
    Full Member
     
    #18

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:56 PM

    Guys ask this question because we are conditioned to think the worst thing she can do is say no.

    All our lives we are the ones that have to ask you the questions and wait for your response even if it's something you want. Do you want to dance? Will you marry me? And so on. So you really shouldn't be surprised when we ask you a dumb question. So don't get upset when we ask a dumb question like that. If tries to push it or won't stop asking then get upset with him but until then he asked you said no let it go.
    BlackVY's Avatar
    BlackVY Posts: 823, Reputation: 154
    Senior Member
     
    #19

    Jan 7, 2009, 02:56 PM

    Hehe... aight aight... its all good... but in my mind, if I'm with my girl and we are intimate, I want it to be just the 2 of us... no 3rd wheel... lol ;)
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
    Ultra Member
     
    #20

    Mar 12, 2009, 01:10 PM

    My husband had a problem with internet porn for 7 years. It truly ripped our bedroom life apart. I no longer want sex or feel beautiful. Now he is about me having a girlfriend and him hearing about it. Again, another stab at me. When will one woman be enough for a husband. Why can't a wife be all a man needs. Well not feeling like I am enough I did bring another woman in our bed. It ripped me apart. I felt dirty, I felt hurt and betrayed by my own choices. He knows this and still wants to do it again... dont do it!! You will only hurt yourself. If your not enough for him alone then just get out. Once won't be enough.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

I like having threesomes with hubby and I want to STOP [ 25 Answers ]

My Husband and I have been having threesomes for about 6 years and we love them, but we feel abnormal and want to stop. We think that we our not following God's way. We have tried before to stop, but we always go back to it. When it's just me and my husband it's boring and I am not as horny and if...

Food for thought on threesomes [ 10 Answers ]

just thought I would chime in on an experience for those of you considering threesomes, especially if you are a guy in a committed relationship and want to share your wife or girlfriend with a male friend or another guy... even though it may be very arousing to many... you should probably leave it...

Threesomes- how! [ 8 Answers ]

Hiya I'm 21 and why boyfriend wants a threesome. I'm quite into the iea myself as I think its quite a turn on. But I darent ask anyone at uni how they would feel about joing in with me and my partner... and have found that dating sites don't work. Any ideas? :p


View more questions Search