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kadd0007 · Jul 18, 2006, 10:38 AM

I really must say WILDCAT, I like your answeres... very right to the point, thank you so much that really helped.. I will make sure to bug you again when I need an honest and straight answer...

Wildcat21 · Jul 18, 2006, 10:53 AM

Please keep asking.

Here is the crux of your problem... you just don't know how to act properly. Once you learn to behave properly women will flock to you - they will love you for it.

You'll have this happen to you again, and again until you learn.

I would bet $1 million your old girlfriend did NOT want a soft guy.

IT'S NOT being a jerk, it's NOT acting like a player.

IT'S growing a spine. Saying no - actually - women find it VERY attractive if you say NO on occasion. No is a good word to learn.

Be busy - make plans with your friends. Have a life outside the relationship.

Cassie · Jul 18, 2006, 11:53 AM

Acting as though you do not care may bring her closer, for now. Maybe she is hanging onto you because she is still looking for someone else, but is keeping you on the sidelines for a "just in case". I just don't think she is ready to commit. There is some truth in the saying, "nice guys always end up last". But there are some women out there who are do like nice guys (Not gushy)
But men that can be thoughtful and caring but at the same time be a man.

I think what happens in so many relationships is either person looses their own identity. It sounds as if you are all about pleasing her and making her happy at your own expense. There is no need to play the hard to get guy if you take care of your wants and needs first. You would not be at her beck and call because you would have other plans. If she does not want to spend much time with you, live your life as though she were not in it. If she wants to do something with you, and you are available for her and you want to, then go. Your life is revolving around her, it should be revolving around you.
When you find a girl that is a giving caring person you'll know.

Every person is an individual with different wants and needs. Be sure the two of you have the same, if not hit the road after vacation.

kadd0007 · Jul 18, 2006, 11:56 AM

Hey Wildcat, well I read up on that site and WOW...

You know its crazy how just a couple of opinions on the outside world really open up your eyes...

So here is what I am going to do... first since the trip to Miami is already paid for I am going to goand have a blast with or without her!! Two the minute we touch back no matter what I am just going to walk away... At some point I thought I really want to be with her and I do... I love her a lot but after seeing all the **** she put me through which is a lot more than I have said on here its just not worth it...

I need to find someone that is going to appreciates me and at the same time I need to cool down and play the game for at least the beginning...

Thanks again wildcat, I will keep you posted especially and let you know how it went...

Wildcat21 · Jul 18, 2006, 12:09 PM

It's NOT playing hard to get ever.

This guy is a gushy 'nice guy' - he needs to change - be himself.

Defintely go on the trip. Have fun. You need to learn to be loose and carefree - the fun guy. Make fun of her a little- bust on her... women love it - eat it up.

Stop the mush and gush though NOW! No more mush!

Wildcat21 · Jul 18, 2006, 12:20 PM

There is a lot more to this...

I bet you failed a lot of her tests... questiosn she asks.

And sadly - sorry ladies - don't listen to the ladies on most of this stuff.

THEY'LL TELL you they want a 'soft' and 'caring' man who shares his feelings - NOPE... they WANT a FUNNY, CONFIDENT, Non-needy/clingy, guy who has a great life - guy.

kadd0007 · Jul 18, 2006, 12:41 PM

Amen to that...

aqua@home · Jul 18, 2006, 01:46 PM

I don't think it's a game if you just don't make her the centre of your attention. You need to do other things and I think Wild Cat is right about what will happen.

Great advice Wild Cat

leethomas · Jul 18, 2006, 02:04 PM

Walk Away! Walk Away! Turn around and run. You already know what to do... your just hanging to something that's not real. I've been there before, I know its hard and it will hurt for along time... but you can't delay it. RUN AWAY.

leethomas · Jul 18, 2006, 02:06 PM

Ps WildCat is always right. He obviously sees things as I do.

Wildcat21 · Jul 18, 2006, 02:09 PM

Don't walk away if you care about her. Never.

You totally change how she feels about you

From what you have said, she doesn't sound like a bad person - it's things you've done. It's NOT her. It's NOT her.

Wildcat21 · Jul 18, 2006, 02:10 PM

A yes - you made her TOO MUCH of your world - too much importance. You don't eve nput that much importance/surrender/unconditional even in marriage.

Skell · Jul 18, 2006, 04:44 PM

Gee I wish I wasn't in the complete opposite time zone down here so I could contribute to this conversation as it happens and not when it is finished.

Kadd, LISTEN TO WILDCAT HERE. The other advice is also good and right in many ways but wildcat speaks the truth here.

From the first couple of lines in your first post I knew exactly what his answer would be. You have just put way too much importance on tjis girl. Way too much.

That's not to say you don't be nice to her. But doing all these romantic things all the time is definitely not what they want.

I speak from expereince here. The moment my girlfriend relaised she completely had me, she didn't want me. And that was after 7 years. We were completely in love and knew everything about one another but the moment there wasn't the slighhtest hint of a challenge anymore for her SHE LEFT.

Skell · Jul 18, 2006, 04:44 PM

Gee I wish I wasn't in the complete opposite time zone down here so I could contribute to this conversation as it happens and not when it is finished.

Kadd, LISTEN TO WILDCAT HERE. The other advice is also good and right in many ways but wildcat speaks the truth here.

From the first couple of lines in your first post I knew exactly what his answer would be. You have just put way too much importance on tjis girl. Way too much.

That's not to say you don't be nice to her. But doing all these romantic things all the time is definitely not what they want.

I speak from expereince here. The moment my girlfriend relaised she completely had me, she didn't want me. And that was after 7 years. We were completely in love and knew everything about one another but the moment there wasn't the slighhtest hint of a challenge anymore for her SHE LEFT.

Skell · Jul 18, 2006, 04:47 PM

It is about Balance.
Balance in all aspects of the relationship. People sometimes interpret what wildcat says as treat the girl mean or poorly. THAT IS WRONG. He never indicates that. He actually HATES that.
What he says is don't smother them. Don't put them on a pedestal.

I don't think you should leave this girl if you have feeling for her. I just think at present you are trying to hard to show your feelings. Trust me, in time she willl work out your feelings.

You have a whole life ahead of you (MAYBE) to show this girl your love.

You don't need to show a lifetime of love in a week.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Blazingsun · Jul 18, 2006, 05:29 PM

This sounds so much like my situation except it's the guy who is doing all the trying to hold on bits... and the chick hasn't totally pulled away yet.

"she keeps on telling me that she is not sure if she wants a serious relationship but at the same time when i try to walk away she says she can't let me go because she cars about me too much."

I've had this happen with 'my' man too. Very frustrating.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2006, 07:53 PM

Dude it would help a lot if you knew what you really wanted in the first place. First off 6 months is not a lot of time to know someone and you two are already playing games with each other. This will never do you'll end up wasting time and hating each other. She doesn't want a relationship but can't let you go.. You want to go but you book a romantic getaway.. You both need to leave each other alone till you both figure out what the hell you want. Your all in her face and you get mad cause she isn't all up in yours. Slow this wagon down and both of you go home and think about it for a month. Then see how you feel. Wildcats advice can only work if you KNOW what you want.

kadd0007 · Jul 19, 2006, 04:35 AM

Well ultimatly I know what I want which is to be with her...

Either way wild cat I have one more question for you? Our trip is booked for August the 6th, now do you think I should ignore her a bit from here till then?

talaniman · Jul 19, 2006, 06:21 AM

Hi kd, I think you should back off a bit and show this woman a fun good time with no strings or pressure. Go slow and keep it light and make her smile and laugh and have a good time. Show her what a fun guy you are and gently let her talk about herself, and be a good listener. Fun is the key and that's what dating is all about. You don't have to be in her face or available all day until the vacation so BALANCE the need to be with her with what you do without her. NO drama, or trauma as you get to know each other and no controversy either. REMEMBER dating is supposed to be fun, not a soap opera.

Wildcat21 · Jul 19, 2006, 10:36 AM

Absolutely backoff. Be busy. Don't call her every day.

Talaniman has put is BEST. Work on make her laugh. MAke fun of her a little.

YES LISTEN TO HER!! Let her talk.

FUN! No worries - QUIT worrying gabout the out come and you will enjoy it much more - once you start worrying about an out - that's when you lose it.

You need the attitude that there are plenty of fish in the sea. She needs to see that from you.

I thin kshe sees a little desperate and needy guy... very unattractive - see that's why she acts that way.