[mattyd87]

Hi,

Like many other break ups I have my story to tell, I met a girl over 3 years ago and went out with her over two and half years and nearly a year a go I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me, we both were so excited and we pressed on with our life's together.
Everything was good until about 6 months a go when I started living in the life of freedom and in a way I started to take advantage of my life where I started getting arrogant in my attitude towards my fiancée and even towards her parents, and about 3 months a go she told me that I was like this and accepted it and needed to change and I tried my best and said sorry, but she told me that I really had to so I did and of course I didn't over night but after a few weeks she told me that she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
We also decided in mid October to move our wedding forward and we were both excited but again I argued with her over little things about the wedding that drove her mad and made me mad but we said it was stupid thing to argue over and decided just to put them behind us and press on.
A month a go she went away for a week where I missed her so much and we text and called that week in spare moment and she was busy that week doing her job and she was texting me the usual of that she loved me so much and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and I was happy, but a few days before she came home I ordered some flowers for the day she came back and also sorted a lovely evening meal for 3 days after she was back and I got a text when I was working saying that she had decided to stay 5 more extra days and that I shouldn't be mad at her and that I would be able to continue with my work.
Of course I was mad and my anger grew that I had organized all this and I text her to call me when she could.
When she did call me I was mad and told her I had made an effort for her and planned all these things for her and she had ruined the whole lot.
She burst into tears down the phone saying that she didn't know what she wanted anymore and said that I had to reflect on the last few months and see if we had more good times than bad and they were about 50/50 when I thought about them.
I said good bye to her and didn't sleep that night well and the next day I text her saying that I didn't sleep well and how was she and she said back that she hadn't either but still felt the same way and wanted to talk and tell me something I didn't want to here.

So I called her and she was teary again and told me she wanted to split and I told her I am sorry I had lead her to this and that she would talk to me a week later now when she got back.

During that week I spoke to loads of friends saying that it was a hick in my relationship and that she is just under a lot of pressure but I did the wrong thing texting her the first two days saying we could make up and second chances that we could sort it out, but she kept texting me, sorry I have made my mind up!

So I gave up until she came home and during this time I learnt that my attitude and being angry at times lead to this and I went round to her parents that week and apologized to them and they were grateful that I had the courage to do that. I also learnt from that second of learning how I was I needed to change and put on the stops and giving myself hell to change and it is working and my friends have already noticed a change!

But she came home and text her to take her out in my car to a empty car park and she was so angry at me and told me all the above and she wasn't happy, I kept my cool and never got angry or raised my voice or my attitude took over that I promised myself not to do and I think she hated it and told me to talk normal not in a breathy voice, did I do the right thing here?

But after we decided that we needed space and that she said sorry its over and that she would never throw away the memories of the last 3 years and she wanted to keep her ring, so I let her.

Since then she text me if I was OK that evening and then she text me the next day asking for her stuff back and to return mine to me and that she wouldn't be in but her brother would to swap it over and also to give me my christmas presents the next day (this was 23rd of December, we broke on 21st)

The on the 24th she text me asking how I was and did I get home OK and looking forward to xmas, so I replied and told her I was OK and hope she was.
On 25th xmas day, I text the usual all round text to everyone on my phone and she replied a merry christmas back to me and told me thank you for my presents and did I like the ones that she had got me and I replied they are great and she replied that she hoped they became useful.
Now there has been no communication until yesterday 28th and she text me how I was doing and asked me if I was OK and what were my plans for new year. I didn't reply because my friends told me to until today 29th and send her a brief text saying I was OK and that I didn't know what I was doing for new year.
Then today about 10 minutes before I was going to text her that message, she text me again saying that she couldn't face her home town for new year and went back to the place for a week (I know she loves it there and I also know there isn't another guy!! ) and again asked me what I was doing for new year, so I sent her that message saying I didn't know what I was doing and hoped she was OK.

But now I don't know, does she miss me? Does she want me back? Should I want to get her back?

Also I am repairing myself at mo, trying new things, new wardrobe as well and doing new activities even though its been just over 2 weeks, but I still miss her, I am thinking of talking to her in a month or so because I have learnt I really really really need her in my life, as much as I am enjoying myself at mo, I miss her and want her back, what shall I do?? Is she missing me, have I done everything right so far? What shall I do if she texts me again?
I don't want to ignore her as it were because I know I want her back and its not in my emotions, its in my heart!!
Also I am being that new man at mo, learnt from my mistake and haven't raised my voice at all and not even being angry in what she has done to me.

Please help??

Sorry for lecture...

[LifeChangesMan]

Hey Pal,

I would say that you need to not worry about the future, you keep wondering about the what-ifs now, when the most important thing you should be doing is worrying about yourself and the now.

Basically, what's done is done, it's over you need to move on with your life, it's been two weeks you said, and you asked do you need her in your life? Obviously not, your still alive and functioning after two weeks. Guess what, the next two weeks will be easier, and the two after that will be even easier, trust me. Get on with your life.

I understand that all you want to know right now is... Guys! Guys! Please is she going to come back!! Is she coming back!! How do I get her back??

Yeah, you guessed it we have no idea, and it doesn't matter to us, could she come back sure but why because the grass wasn't greener on the other side, so you're her back up plan and she was okay with you, so she'll go back after running around doing her own thing. Uh, F That!

Basically, you need to come to realize that these things end for a reason, analyze why you caused the break up on your own part, and learn from it otherwise this break up is pointless.

Listen, you will be okay, everything will be okay, I promise you. And do NOT contact her at all, and ignore her when she texts you she chose to not be part of your life, and that's what she'll have to deal with.

Yours Truly,
LCM

[Broken_Shadow]

I just read your story! Hmmm dilemma in life so much. Its hard that someone choose to break up when you think you know someone and then something like this happen you thing the worst in time. I am in no situation to advice (I am going tru something similar) read my post and tell me what you think... but I will comment on your story. You really seemed liked you have changed and wants to make this right as this girl had so much impact in your life. I am learning to understand how to move on when I am not ready, how to be strong, at least she's txting you and contacting u... Whatever is meant to be will be - If its your it will be no matter what anyone say or do. I am not sure but I always hear people say "if u love something set it free, if it come back to u then it meant to be, if not it never was urs and have faith that god have something better in store for u" I don't know how to comment and how tru.. but I think I believe in it somewhat.

[talaniman]

You broke up on the 21st, and today is the 29th, so a little over a week, and you've been talking so your so fresh, and new, to this misery, and pain.

You probably needed the break more than she did, so for the next few weeks you plan your activities, and social life without her in it. I mean start pulling your act together, and deal with whatever comes up.

I hope this is a glitch, but most times its not, so focus on you staying busy. Do what you enjoy and see what the new year brings.

No high expectations, or dwelling on what was, just move forward, and regroup, and leave her alone.

No texting or calls, and be busy with you for a while as the only way to change is to just do it.

You really need to chill, and learn to adjust, to those unexpected changes, at the last minute.