[Tyler Moore]

Hey, recently my girlfriend of 2 years moved away to another country for 8 months to travel and experience being on her own for awhile, she is 22 and I'm 25 she was in a relationship for almost 2 years before we got together she has never really been single. We got together about 1 month after she broke up with her ex it was really just an accident we didn't know each other we had met at a friends house and I got her number from one of her friends, we txted for a few days but she told me that she didn't want to meet up because she had recently broken up with her ex. So I left it go and stop contact with her out of respect, I mean I didn't want to be chasing her... anyway I got a text from her about 4 weeks later we chatted for a while and then I picked her up, we drove around and talked and laughed until 8am in the morning and eventually we kissed... thats where it started from... she told me afterwards that she just wanted to meet up with me to be with somebody else just as a way of moving on from her ex but that she just really started to like me and things just went from there.. she also told me later that after about 4 days being broken up with her ex she wanted to take him back and felt she had made a mistake, she said that she had kind of made him break up with her by being why and fighting with him because she didn't really want to be with him anymore... on the day she was going to call him to work things out he called her first and begged her to give it another go... but he also told her that he had slept with someone else the night before... which I think hurt her very much but made her realise that he wasn't the one for her... anyways her friends have told me that our relationship is far better than her old one and that I am really great for her even her family say the same thing, right up until the day she left we were together and things were great. She was really upset when we were saying our goodbyes and we hadn't really made the decision whether we were going to try long distance relationship or whether we were going to breakup. I think that both of us were afraid to make the decision. The day she left she sent me a message saying that leaving was so hard and that she missed me already, she told me to enjoy myself and that she knows I will have a great few months and that she loves me. She called me when she got there and we talked liked we normally do, a couple of days later I sent her an email saying that when I'm finished college for the summer that I would like to go out and visited her or even that I would take a year out from college and go over to her... I told her I missed her terribly and that I was hurting bad... she replied saying "i know its hard babe but at the moment i just dont think its the right thing to do im living with my cousins and there is no room also they have young kids and i dont think it would be appropriate", she told me to finish my college year and that maybe a few months down the things might change when she settles in to her own place but she said that I must understand that she can't promise me anything because she doesn't really have a travel plan and that she is only making it up as she goes. Anyway I agreed with her but I felt so bad over the next few days that I knew I had to ask that big question... are we still together or are we on a break? Do you want to be with other people? Before this she called me again a couple of times telling me what she had done with her week and asking how I was... which was nice. I finally asked the question a couple of days later and she replied saying that she didn't think it was going to work out... she said its not fair on both of us to be waiting so long and that she just wanted time to be on her own and think for herself and be her own person. I called her on the phone and begged her I told her that she was making a mistake and that I loved her and all that. She said that she loved me too, but that her heart wasn't 100% in the relationship and that she thought I could do better than her that I could find someone who could give me 100% all the time... she said that she had been thinking about it for a long time and that she thinks we are different people... then she said she missed me so much and she got really upset and started crying... then she started saying that she will probably be begging me to take her back in a few months and that if I do find someone new then it will upset her but she will try to be happy for me... she said that we had a great 2 years and that she will never forget them but she thinks that it has come to an end... then she said that I should talk to my friends about it so that my friends would make me angry that she said those things to me and I would find it easier to move on... I told her I could not hate her or get anger because that's not who I am... she said "i love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" and I just said lets stay in touch and be friends just keep in contact... and she agreed! That's how we left it! After that I spoke to her mother who was shocked and said she hopes things will work out between us in the end. She told both of us to make sure we kept in touch. The next day I txted her and asked was she OK. She replied saying she was fine and was I all right? I didn't see her reply for a couple of minutes because I was busy doing something... then I heard the phone beep again and she had txted me a second time saying what's up? Are you OK? I replied to her saying I was fine and that I understand that she wants to enjoy herself and be free for the time she is away I also said I understand that she has never really been single before and that she should go and enjoy herself and that we should just play it cool and see what happens I said that things might change and that she might change the way she feels about us or I might even change who knows but for now just be friends and keep in touch... she said that she thought it was for the best for now and that she thought I was a really strong person and that she admired me so much, then she said to keep in contact with her family if I wanted to because they really like me... oh I forgot to mention that I had sent her a present for xmas a couple of days before we broke up, I had sent her chocolate, sum books and a tshirt of mine she used to wear as pyjamas, I also sprayed her favourite aftershave of mine on the tshirt and also a birthday card that I wrote on the front she was not meant to open it until her birthday... I had to explain this to her during the breakup on the phone and she was devastated and started crying and sobbing... she got the package a few days after we broke up and text me saying thanks and that it made her really sad. Since then we have talked a few time with texts but always very short... I decided that it would be best to give her the space she needs and not to contact her unless she contacts me first... so I waited a few days and she txted me on xmas day wishing me a happy xmas and said she hoped everything was good with me... also she always leaves little kisses at the end of her messages... her friend told me that she was really upset that she broke up with me and that it hasn't really hit her yet... she said she was finding it hard and that she thinks it will only get harder as time goes on... basically I'm writing looking for any answers on what I should do, I miss her so much and its hurting me... I don't really know what she wants... I think that she said those things about us being differnet and wanting me to find someone better because I would be easier for me to deal with the breakup... everytime she is online she checks my myspace account... she doesn't know I know that... its only been just over 1 month since she left... what do you think she wants? Does she still love me? What am I to do to have another chance with her when she comes home? I know she is having a good time there and I'm happy for her but I just feel so sad and lonely all the time... we have never really had a fight in the two years we have been togther everything was great between us... do you think she means it? Am I missing some hidden messages... is she only trying to be nice and keep in contact because she doent want to hurt me more... she said she has no interest in being with other people and that she moved away to see the world and not to be with other people but she said that she doesn't know what could happen and that she would like to be free to make her own decisions if she was in a position where she liked another guy wheter to be with him or not and not feel guilty.. she hates the though of one night stands and she is really afraid of STIs and getting pregnant... is this a good thing or will she feel like she will want to experience a one night stand because she has never done it before... im really confused...

Please Help any comments would be very helpful what do you think I should do? I want to win her back but not with tricks... also I apologise for the length of my question

Yours
Tyler

[expat2009]

Hey Tyler, while it hurts, the truth is you cannot win her back. The only one that can make that decision is her, and pretty much anything you do to get her back will most likely just push her away.

She is a young girl and because she has always been in relationships she probably has never been able to spread her wings and learn about herself. This is VERY common, believe me, my 2yr girlfriend just gave me the same story except she's not going away for that long but she plans to. Let her be. Let her do whatever she wants and at the same time do the same for yourself. Live your live and move on. I know its hard, and it will take time to adjust, but everyday you will feel a little bit better... DO NOT contact her anymore, give her what she wants. It will only hurt you if you do and it will push her even farther. Its really the best thing you can do for yourself at the moment...

Think of yourself, become YOU again. Find activities, reconnect with friends, find new ones, exercise, anything!

Move on bro. good luck.

[talaniman]

Dude leave her alone to do her thing, and you do yours.