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warmdusk · Dec 26, 2008, 06:59 PM

So I was being nosy and I checked my ex's myspace and noticed he'd added a new friend. He hardly ever logs on at all... so when I saw he'd updated something I had to see. The pic of the person he added almost looked familiar but I didn't think anything of it. Well it started to bug me so I looked at the profile of the girl he'd just added and I know her! I work with her some times--like once a week! We work for the same company and she's been training with me a lot lately. We were even at the same christmas work party less than a week ago--drinking together. What a weird coincidence!

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but now I'm getting this sick feeling when I think that they may be getting to know each other "in that way". That's how he and I got together... he saw my profile, started talking to me through myspace and we eventuallly met up. Realistically, she's completely his type. I should know--she's a lot like me! We have a lot of the same interests, music, games, etc--that's why we got along so well! I know it's a complete coincidence... there's no way he could have known we knew each other... but now I'm obsessing. They're both single and looking... they have a lot in common. I've been doing so well, but the thought of him with someone I know and like... that's a little much! How can I block this image from my head! Maybe they're friends... but how on earth do they know each other!! Ugh!

Just for background, he and I broke up 3 months ago--he ended it with me. I went NC on him about 1 month ago. We exchanged very short, simple, "Merry Xmas" texts on Christmas day... other than that--no contact for the past month.

LifeChangesMan · Dec 26, 2008, 07:22 PM

Hey hey,

First of all, stop going on his myspace / Facebook that stuff is the root of all evil in my opinion, stop snooping around and you wouldn't have this problem now would you..

But, what is done is done, it's almost like you went NC for so long and now you ruined it all by finding out this crap on your own time, rather then being informed indirectly which it unfortunately and should happen.

I would say ignore it, who cares what he does, or who he's with anymore it's really none of your business, I mean why let something bother you that you have no control over?

However, you control who you start seeing and talking to... think about it..

Take Care,
LCM

cbsf · Dec 26, 2008, 08:40 PM

I agree in prinicple with LCM, the best policy is to avoid all contact. However, with social networking sites being all the rage, it gets harder to blot out reminders of the past, especially when your ex is still a friend of your friend (or past acquaintances, co-workers, etc.) My ex has been popping up as a suggested friend on Facebook -- recently she changed her picture which put me in a bad mood for a day.. Harsh as it may sound, I'd rather pretend that she were dead now than see her smiling and happily living her life without me. I guess the only thing to do is stay as far away as you can and take one day at a time.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 26, 2008, 10:02 PM

Why are you looking at his "myspace" why do you care who he is with,

What you are saying, is that you are not over him yet and that you are not ready to let him move on.

debdoes · Dec 26, 2008, 10:30 PM

Facebook/myspace is the root of all evil! I just took myself off it so I would stop obsessing about what my ex is up to, because I couldn't stop looking. I'd rather not know what he is up to...

expat2009 · Dec 27, 2008, 12:56 AM

I'm in the same pickle here... my ex asked me for a break cause she needed space, time to think, and re-discover herself. I said no right away, I said it was a breakup and it could not be fixed. I deleted her and everyone of her friends from FB. So 5 days after I broke NC and told her I didn't want to lose her that easily and overreacted to her request. I told her to take as much time as she needed and that I'd be patient. She agreed and said she didn't know how much time she needed and asked me to re-add her on FB to see how I was doing. She also mentioned we should call each other to check up on eack other. However, 3 weeks passed with NC until she sent me a merry xmas message and I replied short and politely. Since xmas we have been on NC. I have been careful not to go onto her Facebook profile so I would not get hurt by what I saw --anything id find could potentially hurt--... so I've been thinking about deleting her and telling all our mutual friends we have left --mainly my family and friends-- to remove her as well... is this something I should go through with even though she asked for a "break" or "time" to think?? Could she miss the point of it all and decide to move on definitely? Ive been good with keeping strict NC even by not looking at her profile, but she can still see mine... is it also a negative? Don't know what I should do...

@warmdusk, in your case I think you SHOULD cut all ties completely... in mine though, I don't know?

Check my story if you are interested in why I've been through such a tough time this past 3 weeks or so.

zeeniee · Dec 27, 2008, 02:14 AM

Hey Warmdusk.
YOu should remove the ex from my space, Facebook - everything- its horrible but you must for yourself- I did the same thing- I removed my ex the next day- whilst I was in shock - it did me good as I can't see one damm thing about his life at all. I also set privacy everywhere and so he can't see me via other friends. I am at the point where I know I need to remove his family and friends now- its difficult as I know them all very well for 9 years, but it is something I have to do soon, in the mean time again I have set everything up so they can just send me a message etc.. At the moment I am suffering bad, but one day I reckon things will look up on me and I will be moving on doing better things- I don't want his friends and family to see how well I am doing- as well it will just cause an attention and they don't deserve to see or share my good news after all the heartache I am going through right now...

expat2009 · Dec 27, 2008, 02:16 AM

Originally Posted by zeeniee

Hey Warmdusk.
YOu should remove the ex from my space, facebook - everything- its horrible but you must for yourself- i did the same thing- i removed my ex the next day- whilst i was in shock - it did me good as i can't see one damm thing about his life at all. I also set privacy everywhere and so he can't see me via other friends. I am at the point where i know i need to remove his family and friends now- its diffcult as i know them all very well for 9 years, but it is something i have to do soon, in the mean time again i have set everything up so they can just send me a message etc.. at the moment i am suffering bad, but one day i reckon things will look up on me and i will be moving on doing better things- i dont want his friends and family to see how well i am doing- as well it will just cause an attention and they dont deserve to see or share my good news after all the heartache i am going thru right now...

Exactly!! Keep it up! We'll get through this eventually... and the sooner, the better.

talaniman · Dec 27, 2008, 07:49 AM

So I was being nosy and I checked my ex's myspace

Let it go and start NC all over again.

southerngalps · Dec 27, 2008, 12:12 PM

warmdusk...

As said above... just delete him. If he wasn't on your friends... you wouldn't receive his updates that are making you curious.

Other than that you need to start seeing other people and move on. It is probably not a good idea to become better friends with this girl.