[brutus]

I want to stop lying but I need help. I have all these things I made up and I don't want to tell my friends because they will hate me. I know the thing is I should stop lying but I don't want to. Its like I'm addicted to lying. Could it be possible to be addicted to lying. So hears the question:

How do I stop myself before these lies go to far and what are some keys to help me get by?

Like when I know I'm about to lye what should I think anything that would be helpful

Sincerely,
Lilly

[JoeCanada76]

First of all, we need to get to the bottom of why you feel the need to lie, and I do believe there are underlining issues which give you the feeling that you need to lie. May I ask you how old are you? How were you treated growing up by your parents? Is there any time or situation which actually started this behaviour and can you pinpoint it. I will do my best to help you out.

Joe

[brutus]

I'm 15 going on 16. When I was growing up my mom had seizures and I witnessed all of them it really affected me when I was 8, My mom was addicted to painkillers for a year and went to rehab and got help. She is an acholic and was 11 years sober and then she got addicted to painkillers. She was constantely tired my dad used to never help and I woul dhave to take her to her bed and tell he to go to sleep. My whole summer last year was taking care of her. My mom and dad got separated but not divorced they are back together. Now everything seems fine. It satrted when I was in1st grade. I used to say to my friend that I had 4 brothers and That I was amazing at riding horses.

[JoeCanada76]

First of all there are many people who live with seizures. My wife is one of them. She has had seizures since she was a baby. Yes, there are many times that she needs extra care, and yes seizures are very very scary. It does effect you but I would think this would make you closer to your mom. It sounds like your father was not much of a help. You did a lot of growing up so fast. I do believe that a combination of family situations that your family has gone through has effected you. You are probably embarrassed about your family situation and I know you do not probably want others to see that, or even know about that? If I am wrong just let me know. Many people who are very self concience has the idea that if they tell others that they are in a better situation they will except you better because of this. There is a person I know that was afraid to tell people the truth because they did not want to fight, they did not want to argue and they were just trying to make everything happy and go along with the lies just to prevent any upheaval. At the same time by doing this this person was letting this person do what ever they want and treat them whatever way they want then when it came to speaking up about things and actually facing up to personal family problems there was these big fights because no one wanted to face up to the truths. Many people tell white lies, it is time to tell the truth. If you keep hiding it, it will eventually get worse, get worse and get worse until you are all alone. So now is the time to fess up. Tell the truth. Who cares about peoples reactions. Explain the reason why you think you lied and move on.

P.S. Please do not let family situations and other situations and use these as an excuse for always lying, same as self esteem. You are aware of what your doing and you know you have been effected by your family. Once you get past the hurt from these experiances with your family. Letting it go. Then moving forward. Changing the way you feel and think and changing for the best. Meaning start telling the truth from now on.

Hope this helps some, if you have more questions or replys to what I have written please write back.


Joe

[Fr_Chuck]

You have basically answered your own question.

You said "you don't want to" so you won't. You have to want to change to change.

To change you have to want to. You will soon be found out if you lie, and it will be worst than just stoping to tell them, some people will thing bad of you ( not hate you) some may not be your friend any more, but you make this hole yourself.

And as said, you are merely making up reasons to lie, people have all sorts of problems and tell the truth.

[valinors_sorrow]

You have taken a brave step here in telling the truth about what is going on in your life Lilly. Good for you! I see several things going on here at the same time. It is important to sort them out so we can make the right problem match up with the right solution, even though they are all mixed up in you. That is a lot like how I had to take my alcoholism to AA but my PTSD (mental illness) to professionals who specialized in that. One without the other did not work so I learned the hard way.

No kid should have the burden on them that you have had. You are a genuiene candidate for attending Al-Anon or Alateen meetings because one of your parents has been struggling with substance addictions. This is important whether they are now in recovery. You could even go with your dad - ask him? Look them up in your phone directory. You'll find kindness there that may turn out to be surprisingly helpful to you. Tell them about you, the lying included, and allow yourself the chance to experience the loving understanding and support you have been so badly missing in your young life.

Pathological lying is not to be taken lightly. I have seen it cause my brother to pay a huge price in life, over and over. He never sought help and does it to this day. It is really sad. You are right to see it like an addiction and the only 12-step fellowship for lying I know of is here: www.liarsanon.org Connect with them. They can help because they have been right where you are! Be mindful that if this action proves not to be enough to curb the urge to lie, then you'll need to take the next step (I know its scarey) and ask your folks if you can see someone professionally. Its your life and its only fair that you have a decent shot at it! You are a decent kid caught up in something bigger than you and I understand that.

I hope this has been helpful and if you have questions - ask anything you like!