[Austin26chick]

My guy and I lived in the same city at the start of our relationship. Things were great! Then a few months in I had to move to other city that was 4 hours away from him. He got me a cell so we could keep intouch and came down to see me as often as he could. About 3 years in I moved out of my parents house. Got depressed and began drinking that lead me to hanging out with a bad crowd. That's when I cheated. It was only once and I hated the fact that I did it. He always knows when something isn't right with me. He asked me about it and I lied about cheating and felt even more horrible. I was becoming someone who I'm not. About 2 years ago I moved back to be with him. We got engaged last December then got our own apartment. Everything we wanted dreamed for planned was coming along. I had never felt so close to him and couldn't believe everything was going on. Then this month him and I sat down for a talk about something he did. That's when I told him. It slipped out. And before I could do/say anything it was all out. Last Sunday we called off the engagement. This has been so hard for me. The beginning of the month I was so stressed out that I couldn't eat, sleep. All I thought about was how could I have done that to someone I love so much. I've cried myself to sleep every night due to the uncertainty that lies ahead. Our lease is up in March and I want to better our relationship. I just don't know how. I want him to know how much I truly love him and care about him. I look at our pictures on the wall and cry because he thinks they're all a lie. The fact is that after I cheated I vowed to myself to never do it again. I want him as my husband and the father of my children.

[itried]

I have never cheated on anyone but I have been cheated on so I can't say that I know what you are going through. However, maybe I can shed some light on what your man is thinking (if he is not the cheating type of course). The whole world is full of temptations and people who are better looking than you and your partner, so if he himself has not given in yet then the pain of knowing that you have is going to be unbearable for him. This is basically an issue about trust within your relationship and is likely the hardest thing to regain once broken. I think that you should just leave him to his thoughts for now and don't push him. Just give him some time and let him deal with his thoughts. You sound like you are really sorry about what you did so I hope that you get him to come around.

[juhi2011]

Well I agree with 'Itried'. Some things which I would like to add is that…you have certainly done wrong. And so you have to repent for what you sowed. Leave him alone for some time, this is the only thing you can do. Obviously you will not be happy with anyone, anymore. If he loves you truly he will one day realize that you truly love him and will forgive you for everything. And even if he does not come back to you, accept it as your punishment. Meanwhile never loose any chance to show how much you love him… am I correct??

[KBC]

I am of the same mind as the other posts above,you made the bed,now you have to sleep in it.

When I found out my (ex) wife had slept with another just before we married(didn't find out for many years AFTER we married) I was very disappointed,much less hurt,livid with rage at being betrayed,felt the fool for being played the fool,etc.

Needless to say,ex wife... the entire relationship was compromised,I had very little trust(at the time I was young and into drugs/drinking heavily) so I partied all the time and denied the feelings,of course they always came back to haunt me(us),I would use it against her during fights, all around bad deal.

Does this mean he will be the same? NO way for me to say,I was and you should know many guys react this same way,not all,but quite a few(if you look through the relationship and dating areas in the site you'll see it often enough)

Hard as it might be right now,you should prepare for the worst,and hope for the best.

I am sorry you have to go through this.

KBC

[talaniman]

That's a tough pill to swallow, and must have been quite a blow to him. I think you have learned much though, and sorry you had to learn the hard way. Hope it works out.

[liz28]

You might not agree with this but it's better that he found this out now rather than if you was married. Ever though it might have slipped out but it was better that he know now otherwise you would've been living with this guilt for a long time and it would've only ate you up inside living with this secret.

Take it from someone that has been cheating on in the past, it is hard to forgive someone that betray you. It's hard to even like at that person that cheated on you because in your mind you just what to know why and how.

Even if he decides to take you back it will be work and things won't be the same right away. Trust have to be reearn and it will take time to move past it. Howeve if he takes you back and forgive you don't let him throw it back in your face when he gets mad because that isn't right. Don't be surprise if he starts to question anything you do because again trust has been broken.

Your might be able to move past this or your won't. Right now it's up to him.

[Austin26chick]

Should I be worried that my boyfriend watches more porn then we have sex?

Is it possible to have a great relationship together after trust has gone out the door for both parties? How do you make it work withtout stressing out the other or being needy?

How do I get my boyfriend to spend time with me? I'm not talking like all day just an hour or so?

+++++3 posts merged to keep continuity, and avoid confusion+++++++

[bmc_imr4308]

I hate to say this but no. there is nothing that can mend trust. After personal experience with this I realized that there is nothing that can mend broken trust. Your best bet is to just end things when there rough instead of delaying, because if you delay then it will only be harder when the time comes.

[411Help]

If you have to convince your boyfriend to spend an hour with you, it doesn't sound like he's interested.

[itried]

Yeah you should. Maybe you could start watching the porn with him, though. He obviously is not getting what he wants. Who knows, you guys may be into the same stuff.

[expat2009]

I think it's normal. Maybe you are not having enough sex or he's watching things that you are not willing to do. If this is the case, then talk to him, let him know that there are things you can't fulfill he must understand that not all women are pornstars and there are many demeaning things about it. If it really bothers you, tell him to limit himself for the good of your relationship. Just be honest and work together for a solution. Relationships are about honesty, trust, and many sacrifices. Work on them with an open communication.

[complicatedlife]

Huh? He should want to spend time with you!!

[talaniman]

I thought he broke up with you because of your cheating, so what has happed since then?

[complicatedlife]

Hard times for you, talk to him and explain to him the whole situation and enough that you torture yourself because of your mistake. I'm sure if he loves you he will forgive you.