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Chery · Jul 14, 2006, 05:33 AM

I rated this thread as excellent because this issue is a constant in all of our minds.

Society and the world is at such a fast pace that we loose perspective on what to rush and what to let grow. I seems that nobody wants to wait for anything any more.

I wish for all of us, that we find a happy medium in the pace of life.

DrJ · Jul 14, 2006, 10:25 AM

Great Thread, Val! I tried to rep but... well, you know ;)

I stongly believe in a lot that has been said here. Dating and relationships are two completely separate issues. I also believe in dating as many people as you want.

I did this for quite sometime and I must say, it is a handful. Im really not trying to toot my own horn here but about 90% of the girls that I dated fell in love (or thought they fell in love) with me. If was very difficult. I was always VERY open in my communication with them. Explaining to them exacly where I was and what I wanted (which is ALWAYS key in dating). But girls (or at least most of them where I live) have a tendency to ge attached.

However, I did survive with through broken hearts and ended up wihth a lot of great friendships. And one girl that I was dating is now my exclusive partner and the one that I will marry.

Cassie · Jul 14, 2006, 10:49 AM

Dating should be that, you go out, to a movie, dinner, dance, drive, party, whatever. You go home after, say thank you , call you etc. This is to get to know each other, if you have the some of the same interests, goals. You do this for a few months, (we all know most anyone can be on good behavior for at least 3 months). You can still date others, after all it is still dating. If you find you really enjoy each others company, exclusive date. If that still feels right and you are comfortable with just the 2 of you. Then you take a step further. A relationship is when you are committed to each other and planning to take it further yet.
Especially when we are young we fall for someone for the wrong reasons. You like their looks, their car :) they are cool or whatever. In the beginning of the dating everything is wonderful, you love going to a ballgame with the guy and he loves to shop with you... then the newness wears off and you better not go to all of the ball games cause I hate them. HA It can be so wonderful in the beginning that we hang onto those "illusional" feelings instead of the real ones that come later. The hurtful ones when the newness wears off, and all the true colors start coming out. If that happens you run. That is why there is the dating process.

It is common now to have sex on the first date, at least by the 3rd or it is over. That takes it to a totally different level right off the get go. You have gotten into a relationship basically with a total stranger and wake up one day going what happened!? You may be living with them after a month and your life is complicated now because you jumped into a relationship without the dating process.

Dating is getting to know someone and a relationship is becoming emotionally involved with that someone. When this happens in reverse it is most likely not going to last for long.

Just a few of my thoughts on the subject.

valinors_sorrow · Jul 14, 2006, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by Cassie

It is common now to have sex on the first date, at least by the 3rd or it is over.

Cassie's last post offered so many clear thoughts on this topic (applause inserted here - I'd rep you but I got the spread message) and I especially liked her observation on sex. Here is the deal on premature sex from someone who was part of the original "free love" generation: Do it without guilt, or don't do it. In otherwords, no putting it out and then expecting something back - that's guilting someone and that frequently guarantees someone is going to feel manipulated and at some point they will pay it back in some unlikable way too. That is just how the world works so take heed here. There is a name for putting sex on the bargaining table where is does NOT belong unless you plan on being real upfront about it... in fact there is another current thread on it too :eek: LOL

DrJ · Jul 14, 2006, 12:16 PM

Ahhh... the sex thing. I personally feel this is the one reason for the girls getting attached the way they do. Now, obviously this doesn't apply to all women... and maybe more so just to specific age groups.

As stated before, sex IS common early in the dating stage. I personally believe that two people need to be sexual compatible as much as they need to be emotionally and personally compatible. That is why sex is something that needs to be explored early on. If someone does not/cannot fulfill your needs sexually, how can that relationship sustain the test of time? It may sound superficial but it is true.

Wildcat21 · Jul 14, 2006, 12:43 PM

Yes - I say it again - every time I have gone FAST and FURIOUS in a relationship... I've crashed and burned.

Sex is important - don't get me wrong and you must be compatible.

valinors_sorrow · Jul 14, 2006, 12:51 PM

Okay, lol, just so we're clear here, I am not opposed to early sex but I am opposed to, "okay, I am giving you sex (this can also be attention, money, etc etc etc) so that you'll then _____________ , be my boyfriend, girlfriend, listen to me night and day, do as I say the next time we get in a argument, etc etc etc. and I suspect a bunch of that is taking place. They are subconscious "deals" and then someone defaults on it and it all goes south from there. It is something that can lurk in the background without ever being really talked about and that is definitely not good.

DrJ · Jul 14, 2006, 01:33 PM

Very true... very true! A result of closed lines of communication... which leads to assumptions... and we all know about assumptions, right? ;)

talaniman · Jul 14, 2006, 02:02 PM

Originally Posted by Cassie

Dating should be that, you go out, to a movie, dinner, dance, drive, party, whatever. You go home after, say thank you , call you etc. This is to get to know each other, if you have the some of the same interests, goals. You do this for a few months, (we all know most anyone can be on good behavior for at least 3 months). You can still date others, after all it is still dating. If you find you really enjoy each others company, exclusive date. If that still feels right and you are comfortable with just the 2 of you. Then you take a step further. A relationship is when you are committed to each other and planning to take it further yet.
Especially when we are young we fall for someone for the wrong reasons. You like their looks, their car :) they are cool or whatever. In the beginning of the dating everything is wonderful, you love going to a ballgame with the guy and he loves to shop with you......then the newness wears off and you better not go to all of the ball games cause I hate them. HA It can be so wonderful in the beginning that we hang onto those "illusional" feelings instead of the real ones that come later. The hurtful ones when the newness wears off, and all the true colors start coming out. If that happens you run. That is why there is the dating process.

It is common now to have sex on the first date, at least by the 3rd or it is over. That takes it to a totally different level right off the get go. You have gotten into a relationship basically with a total stranger and wake up one day going what happened!!!??? You may be living with them after a month and your life is complicated now because you jumped into a relationship without the dating process.

Dating is getting to know someone and a relationship is becoming emotionally involved with that someone. When this happens in reverse it is most likely not going to last for long.

Just a few of my thoughts on the subject.

GREAT POST CASSIE- had to spread it around though:mad:

I think you may have explained the high divorce rate.;)