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sasha123 · Dec 16, 2008, 10:30 AM

I have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 years now... I don't know how we are still togather cause we are so different.. he never told me you look great today not once in 5 years ,never told me that he loves me except when I tell him cause he feels pushed by me and answer back, me 2.. we live togather for about 4 years now so I can't believe he's shy.. at first was okay got to say he attracted me more , but now its harder every day.. I need to hear these things I believe every woman need to hear these kind of things from her man.. I don't think that he don't loves me if not don't explain why he's waisting his time with me.. on the other hand I love him too.. he never leave me without something ,all I want he gives me that's why it is more frustrated cause I'm a lot thirsty for the simple things in life for example a kiss on the cheek or telling me you look pretty today or waw that dress really suits you or I missed you ecc ,when I think of this I start remember my ex.. is this normal?? I start remembering how he used to treat me ,to talk to me his compliments ecc somthimes even I dream about him and I wake up really happy ,somthimes don't want to wake up at all.. am I getting crazy?? Then I wake up and between me and myself I say howcome he makes me happy in a dream and my boyfriend don't in reality I tell my boyfrien what I need but its really hard for him these things that for me are everyday things.. I feel like I'm death with him though I love him.. I don't feel I'm a woman anymore and this is not nice to feel... I agree that the BEST THINGS ARE FREE... cause even with just a smile you can make someone happy somthimes I don't even get that... can anyone help me?? have you ever been in my situation?

Rohin Arora · Dec 16, 2008, 10:55 AM

Hi dear,your problem is a very common and you needn't worry about this at all.
First of all,celeberate that you are in realtion with a person who knows you well,who takes care of you.
Coming to your problem now,my first reaction would have been talk to him what you need.Since you have tried that,I have another solution for you.but before trying this,I will say ,please try once again talking to him.
But if thethings still remain the same,try behaving to him as he does to you.I know that its an old technique but it works many a times.
Stop telling him that "I Love You"
And all other things that you say to him and you expect the same from him.

And if still,the problem remains,you have to admit the fact that men like to hide the feelings than speaking them.
Ans please,don't compare him to your ex,its not the amount of words spoken that matters,it's the number of things understood without saying a word.and its obvious,that love is d only thing that has kept you both in relation for the last 5 years.
Up to you now,to decide,what you want to have in your life? A man telling you that he loves you without doing that or a man that doesn't tell you that he loves you but he does madly.
Choice is yours.
All the best

And yes 1 last thing,No I haven't been in your shoes but yes,ny girlfriend has.
I used to be the way your boyfriend is now,but she kept trying and I, at last, imroved and became more romantic(as she says).

sasha123 · Dec 16, 2008, 11:09 AM

Thanks for answering my question ,I thought about not saying anything oneday but I'm not capable of doing that but I try harder, and I know that its better to have a man not telling that he loves me and he do instead of telling me that he does and he goes with someone else but as I said I feel death inside as times go by I need to hear those words.. im happy to hear you where like that and changed who knows maybe one day my boyfriend does the same

Rohin Arora · Dec 16, 2008, 11:19 AM

I will ask you to try the method I told you above.stop saying him the things you yourself want to listen.but be sure,don't do this to suddenly.start it slowly.that way,he will come to realise what these things mean to him.

kitten420 · Dec 16, 2008, 01:21 PM

I know exactly how you feel my boyfriend did the same thing. One day we got into a fight about it because I was being all emotional. And then he understood how I felt. But things went back to normal again so one day I decided to do that don't say it thing and we got off the phone and usually I say I love you but I didn't and I said bye. So he called me back like 5 seconds later and said I love you. Most guys don't like usuing the I love you word all the time because they think its overused. Just because he don't say these things to you don't mean that he don't feel it or mean it. They just don't like showing there emotions as much as we do. I think that actions speak louder then words. Like example him skipping out on a guys night out just to sit and watch TV with you. Or even him just playing with your hair while you lay on him. Or him holding your hand at the mall or park. All these actions show that he cares and he loves you. I'm sure even with him being with you for 5 years and living with you shows he loves you because if he didn't he would have left a logn time ago. I think actually there are lots of guys that don't comment on their girlfriend looks they think that they are with you and that should show you that you are beautiful to them. So I wouldn't worry about it. If you want to just hear him comment on you. Play it up a little bit and make it fun dress up for him and say something like "hey do you think i look good in this?? " I think you will like it. Or better yet what if it was laying on the floor do you think it would look better then? " then laugh. He will think it was funny and cute that you said that. And it might even make him pounce on you like a cat. Lol but in all seriousness most guys don't see the little things or think its important to comment on them even though they do notice. Your not alone in this. But pay close attention to his actions his actions are way stronger then his words. And don't say I love you and all that to him that much it will make him think and then he will want to say it to you to see how you react.

ZoeMarie · Dec 16, 2008, 01:27 PM

I recommend this book. One of my co-workers told me about it. I read it and I can tell you that it made a lot of sense. It helped me to understand my husband better.
The Five Love Languages

talaniman · Dec 16, 2008, 02:04 PM

Most guys are lousy communicators, and even worse at listening.

Actions speak louder than words, with us, but that's hardly enough for you. Be patient and keep working on him though.

A few days on the couch, will get his attention.