[Justwantfair]

I have a lot going on in my personal life because I am involved in an extensive custody battle for my daughter, we currently have joint custody. Most recently he has decided that he interprets the parenting agreement to say that he has her this year for Christmas Eve AND Christmas morning, it has never been this way in the past.

I am really reacting poorly from the stress and I have caught myself snapping the last 24 hours on both of my children. I am not sleeping well and I haven't been for a couple of months. I know that this is situational stress, but what are the best ways to handle it? Are there herbal remedies? I know I could take anti-depressants (I used to take them when I was married to my ex) but I know that I won't need them for long, just for the time being and I remember how difficult it was to stop taking them because I really felt depressed then. Any suggestions for situational anxiety when you can't adjust the situation at this time?

[N0help4u]

You can take sublingual B12 and drink calming teas like Celestial teas sleepy time, chamomile tea or passionflower.

When you are feeling grouchy stop in your tracks and think of how it can be effecting your kids and all. You don't want them going to dad's Christmas Eve and saying ''boy are we glad to be here away from mom's grouching!''

Maybe have a talk with him and find out why he is changing what he has gone along with all these years. Maybe tell him that you already had your plans and you feel imposed on that he would try and up and change them.

Also try aromatherapy--candles, incense, bath oils, etc...

Cypress

* strengthens an overburdened nervous system and restores calm
* has a soothing effect on anger and apparently cleanses the spirit and removes psychic blocks

Frankincense

* is for FEAR
* it slows down breathing and produces feelings of calm
* it elevates and soothes the mind
* is comforting and restoring for anxious, and obsessional states linked to the past

Jasmine

* helps diminish fear, enhances self confidence and defeats pessimism
* very good for emotional dilemmas especially when they involve relationships and sex
* rub on heart charka and temple

Lavender

* very well known for it's sedative properties
* useful in alleviating stress
* balancing
* good in acute crisis situations
* can promote personal renewal by washing away past habits and opening us up to new possibilities
* helps produce inner acceptance of a painful situation, easing fear and creating strength

Lime

* very refreshing and uplifting
* good for a tired mind or fatigue
* very stimulating and activating for apathy, anxiety or depression

Neroli

* heart felt, it reaches deep down into your soul to stabilise and regenerate
* considered one of the most effective sedative and anti-depressant oils
* provides relief and strength for long standing psychological tension, exhaustion and seemingly hopeless situations

Patchouli

* excellent for anxiety and depression
* very good for dreamers and people who tend to neglect or feel detached from their bodies
* helps ground and integrate energy and keep us in touch with our physical selves

Rose

* refreshes the soul, brings joy to the heart
* very heart felt
* it is harmonizing and helps make sorrow easier
* opens the heart and soothes the feelings of anger, fear and anxiety
* addresses sexuality, self-nurturing and self esteem
* good for behavioral problems, emotional stress and anxiety, sadness, grief or disappointment

Ylang ylang

* for ANGER
* has tension relieving properties and is particularly beneficial for nervous depression
* good for women who don't allow themselves to live, who hide their femininity
* helps boost self confidence, eases frustration's and calms nervousness and tenseness

Sandalwood

* calming and harmonizing - helps reduce tension and confusion
* builds confidence, and fosters openness, warmth and understanding
* protects the third eye and opens the spirit input
* ideal for nervous depression, fear, stress and a hectic daily lifestyle

[Justwantfair]

To answer your question, I have been blue in the face trying to reason with him about the situation. I can't stop crying and he is being so unreasonable and his attorney is backing him up on the situation. I am trying to get an Emergency Motion in front of the judge before Christmas but that is my only choice now, but I haven't heard back from my attorney since last Thursday. Trying to be patient and deal, just a straw for the camel's back, I don't want to make my kids feel like I am a ticking time bomb, which is what I feel like.

[N0help4u]

How exactly is the Court Order worded for Christmas?

[Justwantfair]

Christmas Eve: Minor child shall alternate Christmas Eve Day at 12 p.m. until 10 p.m. or overnight until 10 a.m. Christmas morning with the Mother on odd numbered years and the Father on even numbered years.

[N0help4u]

The way it is worded with the OR overnight until 10 a.m. Christmas morning ---it is saying he can keep them until 10 a.m. Christmas morning every other year and this is the every other year that it is his turn.
Next year you are to have them Christmas Eve from 12 noon until Christmas morning 10 a.m.
So I doubt you will get anywhere in court all it seems you can do is tell him that you expect him to be bringing them home 10 a.am Christmas morning.

[Justwantfair]

The way it is meant and the way we have done it always in the past is this block of time OR this block of time, but the poor wording is leaving the interpretation you are describing, but this is his first Christmas morning, he has always had Christmas Eve. The fact is when it was discussed it was discussed that Christmas Eve or Christmas morning NOT both, that isn't fair to anyone and I never interpreted that way.

[Justwantfair]

His attorney is the one who worded this document, the wording is horrible. I understand how he is trying to interpret it that way, but it was never meant that way and it isn't the right thing to do by either party.

[N0help4u]

You could have had an agreement that differed with the court order that you were both willing to go along with but now he wants to follow the court order. Nothing you can really do about it other than point out that you will now follow the court order and not make any 'agreements' with him outside of what the court order states.
Point out to him that that means every other year you get the kids from 12 noon Christmas Eve to 10 a.m. Christmas day.
So next year you will have them during this time.

[Justwantfair]

Next year custody will be decided. I am not worried about next year. Who would have joint custody and give Christmas Eve and Christmas morning to one party? I understand that it is worded poorly but it depends on how you read it. Should be:

Alternate Christmas Eve
12 p.m. to 10 p.m.

OR

Overnight until 10 a.m.

Christmas morning with Mother on odd years
Father on even years.

You can really read it either way, but that doesn't make the way he is reading it correct.

[N0help4u]

From the way I read it it is saying that

He gets them Christmas Eve from 12 noon to either until 10 p.m. or overnight until 10 a.m. Christmas morning (his option) even yrs 2006, 2008,.
You get them that time frame odd years like 2007

[Justwantfair]

Which isn't what I agreed to with joint custody. So I guess I am SOL for Christmas my favorite holiday and our child can spend a majority of it with him. Hense the reason I am p-ed off and snappish. That seems like a fair arrangement, Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with one parent.

I don't even have to let my son see his father, there isn't any arrangement with him and I have allowed my son to spend Christmas Eve with him EVERY YEAR, because that is what is fair for the child. One parent Christmas Eve one parent Christmas morning.

[N0help4u]

So like what I was getting out tell him if he wants to follow the order then what the order states is the ONLY time he will see him now and you will not be making any provisions to make other arrangements than following the court order to the T. IF you are letting him have extra little visitations not court ordered that may make him back off with the Christmas morning.

[Justwantfair]

We have been fighting for a long time, my daughter doesn't have any time, it's written in stone and we do follow it to a T already. I am in a no win situation, I have tried all of my outs. I am stuck, frustrated and horribly depressed. There aren't options left to remedy this situation, just wait for a judge to rule at the hearing.

[N0help4u]

Yeah there really isn't anything you can do. All you can do is look at the over all picture that you will hopefully have many other Christmas' and he knows you love him and want to be with him.
Be thankful for what you do have and realize many loved ones can not be together at Christmas time. Like me, I will have my one son but my daughter and grandson live 100 miles away and I am not going to get to see them until the 28th, my other daughter comes and goes so I have no idea about her and my other son is in Iraq. I haven't seen him since July and I have no idea when I will see him again.
Have a make up Christmas morning like celebrating a birthday on a different day if you have to. Get creative when there are obstacles.

[KBC]

[QUOTE=Justwantfair;1432080] I know I could take anti-depressants (I used to take them when I was married to my ex) but I know that I won't need them for long, just for the time being and I remember how difficult it was to stop taking them because I really felt depressed then.

I have found that taking medications for depression are the right thing to do in a situation like this.

The question I ask is,Did the situation that put you on meds in the first place... was that problem ever resolved?

Taking meds isn't for just a situational 'quick fix' meds require a settlement of the issue.

Therapy AND medication are the answer to resolving depression,otherwise it's just temporary.

Like getting drunk to forget a problem,a quick temporary fix for a (possible) larger problem.

Finding the coping skills on a clear(not depressed or emotionally trying time) mind and therapy,or venting with friends,can be a solution,but how do you make clear judgment when the mind is clouded with emotions that are out of control?

Obviously,I am a big believer in medications,when needed.A professional could decide,with you, if this is a good idea.

Depression and anxiety are self-sustaining,they both strive to keep you in their neighborhood,like a neighbor who comes over to visit all the time,most times without being invited.:(

Make sense?

[N0help4u]

From everything I have seen for the most part the conclusions I have come to are that depression can be external or internal or a combination of the two usually cause and effect.
If you can get yourself calmed down through efforts such as self motivation, analyzing the situation, coping skills and natural calming things such as venting, teas, aromatherapy, etc... then that is good but for it to go on to the point it has an unshakable hold then it can be necessary to go for the meds.
Personally I go for the meds when all else has failed.

[Justwantfair]

I was on the medication for social anxiety, I was having panic attacks frequently during the marriage. I know the effects of the anti-depressants because that was the prescription for the attacks.

I am not looking to take anti-depressants, but I would assume that could be a reasonable solution to situational anxiety or situational depression. I just wanted some herbal remedies to help cope because I am not out to snap on my children when I know they are not the reason that I am stressed and I feel I am being short.

I am in a situation that will not be resolved immediately and I need to find some better methods of coping until this situation is decided at a best interests hearing. Just looking for suggestions.

[KBC]

Taking a picture of what ever is bugging you and throwing darts a it,naming all the emotions with each throw.Then burn it.

Sounds simplistic,but it has worked for me...

Get the frustration out before taking it out on the kids,they aren't the problem,you already know that.

[Justwantfair]

Haha, I can just see that now, "I am sorry, ex, would you please smile for your picture for my dart board"... that thought alone is refreshing.