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Singingbeauty2009 · Jul 7, 2006, 01:24 AM

Well, I'm a girl... and I really really really like this guy. He asked me on 2 dates... and the 2nd, he cuddled and held hands for about 2 hours straight... but ever since then, he's been acting differently. He calls me, but only talks for about 5 minutes, and when I call him he always says he'll call me back, which he does.. but he doesn't usually talk for very long at all.Also, he hasn't really hinted about going out on another date.I know he works 2 jobs, and is very family oriented... but 2 days in a row, coming up.. he'll be hanging out with his friends... insteads of me. Is he interested in me anymore??

A doubtful Brit · Jul 11, 2006, 10:21 AM

I'm not an expert and I like to think that I'm a rare breed of man, in that I'm not only after one thing. See next post.
I don't know how well you know this guy, but there may be reasons for him not being too eager. Hye may have prior commitments within his family at the moment, or he may have been hurt before and wants to take it slowly. He does still after all, call you back.

He did cuddle, and hold your hand. So he must have enjoyed the physical contact with you.
Don't think that him hanging out with his friends instead of you is being a bad thing. It's healthy in a relationship to still have a social life semi-apart from your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend etc.

It all sound as if it's very new and you don't want to be in each others pockets. Don't frighten him away by seeping all needy and clingy.

Try asking him out on a date,if he can't make it, arrange another date with him on the phone. If he seems to be making excuses all the time then maybe he isn't interested. If you do go on another date, gauge his mood, find out lots about him. Try and work out what his feelings toward you are.

By what you've said, it doesn't seem to me that his not interested, just that his taking things slowly. As I said, he may have a reason for this, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

You may, eventually have to confront him, and ask him how he feels about you. But you will have to judge when is the best time. As I said, I am cut from a different cloth and if a woman was to ask me that, It wouldn't frighten me off. Though for some men, it may.

phillysteakandcheese · Jul 11, 2006, 10:32 AM

I do think guys are after only one thing... ;)

He probably feels that his 2 hour investment with you didn't pay off, and as a result he doesn't want to "waste" more time...

Sorry to be blunt, but that's the way many - maybe most - young single guys are.

A doubtful Brit · Jul 11, 2006, 11:11 AM

I'm a young single guy, and that is not the way I think at all. I know many guys who don't think that way.

As I said before, try another date and gauge how he feels. Yes, he may be a typical guy and want to jump intop bed withnow. Or maybe, he does just want to take it slowly.

valinors_sorrow · Jul 11, 2006, 01:45 PM

It may be that you really really really like him too much, he got a drift of that and doesn't feel like he can reciprocate so has backed off in lieu of hurting your feelings or getting in over his head. Some people are much slower at developing their feelings.

It would be better if you were less committed in your feelings. In all fairness you don't really know him, so its probably more accurate to say you're interested and would like to learn more. It's okay to think he is hot but to translate that into he is so likable or compatible with you is at best naïve and at worst reckless with a hint at desperate. To say it another way, don't get in the habit of thinking "he is so likable if he'd only __________". Please avoid that pitfall. If he isn't doing (generally) what you want, then he isn't so likable after all. Learn to tell yourself the truth about this.

And to add to Doubtful's comment, not all the guys I knew and dated in my youth were after one thing, or if they were they knew to be very subtle about it. "Horndog" was not a flattering aspect of a hot guy's reputation back then nor do I think it is now either.

Here_To_Help- Jon · Jul 11, 2006, 01:53 PM

Cut through all of this... and ask him... "how come on 2nd date, we cuddled and played..and then after that things seemed to have cooled down" There is no reason to guess at these things, go to forums etc - the answer is right there in him. Get the info and work from there.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 11, 2006, 06:51 PM

IT well can be that he likes to socially date but does not want at this time or have time for a call me several times aday, lets get together every day type of dating.

My son ( who married her) dated a young lady two or three times a month and talked to her on the phone maybe 3 times a week.
He had other interests in his life, and did not want to give up all of his life and interst in two weeks. But work a situation out slowly at his terms.

If he is working two jobs and wants to be with some of his family and friends, and he is just socially dating, this is what is expected.

You may have other goals in mind and want a relationship to reach a level faster than he wants.

Or of course as stated several posts above anything is possible.

Jons suggestion, what about talking to him about it.

talaniman · Jul 11, 2006, 07:07 PM

I think he likes you but wants you to slow down and talk to him instead of being exclusive in so short a time. Golly the guy works two jobs and has a social life and friends Take your time and get to know him because he obviously doesn't want a girl friend right just yet so back off a little and talk to him more so he can get to know YOU, without the strings!

valinors_sorrow · Jul 12, 2006, 06:36 AM

PS - He is likely to act differently on third, fourth and fifth dates too, if it progresses. This is dating, not a relationship.

Cassie · Jul 13, 2006, 06:17 AM

If I read your post correctly, it has only been 2 days since you had a date. That is not such a long time. Working 2 jobs alone can take up most of your time, then there is time spent with family and friends. 2 days should not be panic time yet. Someone that busy is probably feeling as though he has little time of his own. Do no make the mistake of putting more pressure on his time. Tell him you enjoyed your dates with him and you know he is really busy, but you are looking forward to another date. It sounds as though he liked you. IF he feels you want to consume his time, he will back off because it sounds as if he probably doesn't have much time. When I get involved in doing something I have little precious time, when one of my friends puts pressure on me, I tend to back off as it takes energy to deal with them. My friends that call, say just checking on you, seeing if you want to do something or need anything, are the ones I call when I have a few minutes. I know they won't pressure me for more time than I have.
I agree with Val, 2 dates does not even give you time to know if you have much in common. If you like him, date him but date others also. Just have fun.

talaniman · Jul 13, 2006, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by Cassie

If I read your post correctly, it has only been 2 days since you had a date. That is not such a long time. Working 2 jobs alone can take up most of your time, then there is time spent with family and friends. 2 days should not be panic time yet. Someone that busy is probably feeling as tho he has little time of his own. Do no make the mistake of putting more pressure on his time. Tell him you enjoyed your dates with him and you know he is really busy, but you are looking forward to another date. It sounds as tho he liked you. IF he feels you want to consume his time, he will back off because it sounds as if he probably doesn't have much time. When I get involved in doing something I have little precious time, when one of my friends puts pressure on me, I tend to back off as it takes energy to deal with them. My friends that call, say just checking on you, seeing if you want to do something or need anything, are the ones I call when I have a few minutes. I know they won't pressure me for more time than I have.
I agree with Val, 2 dates does not even give you time to know if you have much in common. If you like him, date him but date others also. Just have fun.

Cassie I think that is a great solution. The mistake we all make is we want to be with someone so bad we forget that they have other things to do and can't always be wth us much as we would like. If we had other things to do (fun) we would not have time to sit and wonder when someone is going to give US time. What is it they say about idle minds..

mariel womack · Jul 28, 2006, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by Singingbeauty2009

Well, I'm a girl...and I really really really like this guy. He asked me on 2 dates...and the 2nd, he cuddled and held hands for about 2 hours straight...but ever since then, he's been acting differently. He calls me, but only talks for about 5 minutes, and when I call him he always says he'll call me back, which he does..but he doesn't usually talk for very long at all.Also, he hasn't really hinted about going out on another date.I know he works 2 jobs, and is very family oriented...but 2 days in a row, coming up..he'll be hanging out with his friends...insteads of me. Is he interested in me anymore???

He haves a lot of troubles on his mind right know, but if hes ignoring you for his friends then i think that it's about that time for you to start seeking a new man!!

JL FANATIC · Feb 28, 2008, 06:29 PM

Im a 27yr old man, do you know if he has another woman?(wife girlfriend gayfriend), 1. When we work, we look forward to getting off and rushing to that pretty face no matter how tired we are. 2. Why don't you go and hang or go to the movies by yourself. 3.See if he is at least one bit honest to you.
ITS LIKE WATER, ADD PRESSURE TO IT AND WATCH IT CHANGE.
Honesty and trust from both sides is key
See if he really likes you for you and not just the relations.(get it)