[hilarybanks]

I'll try and keep this short and to the point. I was in a 7+ year relationship with a man I met while overseas, we fell in love instantly and kept in touch after our brief encounter, till finally we started to plan my trip to his country for a 3 month stay - I was prepared to do it, I was deeply in love, we both were. To be honest, the 3 month period was a confusing time for us, we got to know each other on an emotional level, we loved, we argued, we laughed, we cried but ultimately we pledged to stay together and made plans for him to move to my country. He followed me 3 months later, we got a house in a beach town and lived like hippies for 4 years - we both had our studio's at home to work in. After three years I fell pregnant, I was over the moon, he was a bit scared but we had our son (hes 5 now). Its been nearly two years since we split up (I moved out) and about 7 months since we stopped sleeping with each other. To make matters worse, he jumped straight into a new relationship, in fact they've been together for nearly 6 months, they got serious straight away.

How do I feel? Well most of the time I feel like utter crap! When I first realized that he had a new girlfriend it completely tore me up, threw me off balance, destroyed me - breaking up with him in the first place was hard enough, it broke my heart. But when he started seeing someone new so soon it completely broke my spirit, it felt worse than a broken heart, nothing compares to it, not even the death of my mother compares.

In secret I cry everyday (where ever I can, in bed, in the shower, in the car). If its not everyday its every second day. I think about him every morning when I wake up he is still the first on my mind (like he was when we were together), my heart and my soul misses him. For the longest time I've tried to convince myself that I need to move on but he still appears in my dreams every night, I think about him at least 3-5 times a day, I really miss him and I just want him to come back to us, I want to patch things up, I want my son to have two parents like he use to... I want my love back but I can't do anything except wait. Yes wait for his stupid relationship to "hopefully" run its course and check back... but maybe the relationship lasts forever and they get married or have children, even the thought of that kills me... I'm crying now, I'm so heart broken, I miss him... what the hell am I suppose to do? :confused::(:mad::eek::confused:

[Noodles15]

Oh gees, I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Honestly, I believe that when you love someone and you get hurt that there isn't anything to do but just let it hurt. Don't try to fill the emptiness in your heart with another relationship like he is.

I would say focus on your son and work. Hang out with friends, or make new ones if you don't have many. Try to surround yourself with GOOD people who care about our well-being. And, cry when you need to. Let yourself think about him when the thoughts come because they are going to, don't try to block them out.

I had a much shorter relationship than you, and I acted like your man when it broke-up. However, my boyfriend didn't date a single girl, he just worked on himself and furthering his life. I feel terrible about how I acted and really respect the way he acted. We're back together now. And, now I know that what he did was how you're supposed to act in a break-up, not running around with other people trying to fill the void.


I really wish you the best. I know it's not much of a help at this point, but time really does heal all wounds.

[talaniman]

It will be a long time before you can get over him, as you are tied with a child, but you can rebuild your own life, and make your sons life healthy, and happy as you heal, which is a long slow process. It really only been 7 months, and trust me, its all still very fresh. It will get better, but that doesn't mean you can't build a life that you enjoy, while you heal.

[hilarybanks]

Can you believe that I've become an expert at disguising my heartbreak, I feel like a fraud. I have a wonderful blessed life (compared to some - I'm thankful for this). I have a beautiful circle of friends and family who adore, admire and support me, and I am thankful for this too - my family are very proud of my achievements, they're proud of me landing on my feet, being a professional business woman and being an inspirational mother.

But nobody knows how I feel deep down inside, I can't afford to let anyone see my dark side, see my tears, my heartache or my sadness. I want to wake up one day and feel happy, be free of this bondage but you're right... it really is time... but in my heart I don't think I will ever get over this... or am I holding myself prisoner to this, is it all deep neuro pathways I've carved into my head - or is this REAL LOVE - unrequited love - am I foolish - time time time arrrrgh!

[lmnotok]

Love is always real. It comes and goes. When it goes away, then its time to love yourself!

[HistorianChick]

Love the title of your question - are you referring to the movie Serendipity? :) Great reference.

But the thing is, life and love is not like the movies. Life isn't Hollywood.

The thing about this is you are wasting your love on a dream. You're giving such a huge part of yourself to this man that is gone. Maybe someday he will come back, but you can't live your moments for the maybe - you have to live them for the concrete NOW.

I've often likened relationships and love to a roller coaster... it feels oh, so good when you're on it - the dips and turns leave you breathless and dying for more. Even when you stop, you are addicted and have to go for "just one more time around." Roller coasters are thrilling, consuming, and full of life.

But they can leave you sick to your stomach and make you lose all that's good in your life (or, to stay with the comparison, all that's good in your stomach!:)) for a momentary thrill.

The thing about roller coasters? They always stop and give you the chance to get off. You have the choice to say, OK, I've had enough... I'm getting off.

The same with unrequited love. You have the choice to get off the ride... but you have to make it, get up, and leave or it keeps on going.

Get off the roller coaster that you're on - the roller coaster of unrequited love. Choose to get off, choose to stop thinking about this man, choose to start over, choose to focus on what is REAL in your life...

The swings are just as fun... and you never know who you will meet on them.

Make the choice. Get off the roller coaster. Catch your breath.

I wish you luck.