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    learnintolikeme's Avatar
    learnintolikeme Posts: 34, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Dec 13, 2008, 06:22 PM
    X returns after 22 years
    My husband took contact with his X after 22 years of marriage. We were having some isues but never discussed these. I was stupid enough to believe that thingds would blow over as normal and all would go on. I was really worried with his attitude one evening and asked what was wrong. He was ignoring me and avoiding me. I asked if thre was someone else in a stupid attempt to get him to speak. He said he didn't know. I found out that he had been texting his long lost X from his hometown daily for the past 3 months although he didn't admit this until I showed him the phone bill!
    I am devastated. He does not want to leave me but he doesn't know if he loves me either. I love him dearly . He said that he has stopped contact with her but he is miserable has aches and pains everywhere, what am I to believe, I think he misses her . He said there was no physical contact , but she sent me some of his texts where he says that he has always loved her... I feel cheap and scared. I am in a foreign country with no one to turn to what should I do? This feeling of feeling love and feeling of being used is killing me I am dying from the inside out and need help. Can I believe him or not ?
    Noodles15's Avatar
    Noodles15 Posts: 57, Reputation: 9
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Dec 13, 2008, 06:33 PM

    I honestly think whether you believe him is your choice. Is it in your heart to trust him right now?

    If he really stopped contacting her than I think that is an awesome step on his part. Maybe the two of you could consider couples counseling to help with the underlying issues that you feel went ignored and started this all?
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Dec 13, 2008, 06:44 PM

    Dear Learnintolikeme,

    This is a terrible situation that is only exasperated by the fact that your in a foreign country. I am truly sorry all of this has happened to you.

    But you CANNOT let yourself lose strength, you are (I'm sure) a great person and if your marriage does come to an end the world won't stop turning. You will get on with it no matter how hard it is.

    If I were you I'd try to communicate with your husband. Sit and down and, as void of emotions as possible, put your case to him. Tell him that you love him and want this relationship to work but that you can live without him. This, in my opinion, will give him ample opportunity to be completely honest. No matter what his answers are, if you have the truth you can work from there. It's when we work from hurt and dishonesty that we go around in circles and get no where.

    Truly the best of luck to you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #4

    Dec 14, 2008, 10:08 AM
    The ex witch is throwing crap in the game, and your poor fool of a husband can't handle it. You can either give him some space to get over it, or he can sleep on the couch, until he can man up, and do the right thing. Why should you suffer him being an idiot?
    learnintolikeme's Avatar
    learnintolikeme Posts: 34, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Dec 14, 2008, 04:24 PM

    Thank you for the responses I reallly appreciate them.
    I tried to talk about the relationship but that was a no go area. I have to be satisfied with the fact that he is still " here" and sure things are a lot better than they have been for years. However, you know that gut feeling that can ruin everything. I am just trying hard not to be paranoid, jealous and comparative. I hate this feeling. Counselng would neve be agreed to on his part, he believes that this was something he needed. I just wish that someone could have been someone else.
    Right now I can't bring myself to leave, for some reason I believe that this would just give him the OK test his theory. Instead I am here trying to be the best wife anyone culd wish for. Sometimes that feels cheap but at least if it doesn't work he will have something good to remember in the future. Right now, I don't think it has such a big impact as she is in the way, but I know that this type of care and warmth will leave it's mark as it is genuine. The trouble is that I am now so screwed up I don't know how long it will last. If he waits too long to show "loving" affection I know I will turn and that will never be repaired.
    Well anyway I really appreciate your honest replies and in a time of confusion it is great to get input from all angles. Thank you.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Dec 18, 2008, 12:17 PM

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...fe-293481.html

    It seems you have found a positive way to deal with your situation, I hope it gets better, be patient, and stay with it.

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