[manga]

I was in a really awful unhealthy relationship for about 3 years. It ended in May but it was on and off the last year well more like the whole time. I realize now I was completely delusional. Most days I am OK and happy but lately I have been unhappy and the recurring thoughts of the abuse with my past partner come up and when they do I feel the hurt all over again. I have been able to manage it OK but last night I just drove around and cried. Putting myself down and wanting to release my anger on him. I know that isn't going to happen but the release of crying makes it better. I just don't want to be in a relationship like that again and be the partner that provokes my future partner to do anything.

I am just afraid to feel that I deserve to be with a loving partner. I know I deserve to have it but it just seems so much easier to be alone and love myself and friends. It's like I am afraid to give and if I do it's expected to get the love I deserve back. Does that lead to expectations?

[sunshineangel]

I posted a post a little while back and you were just the type of person I wanted to respond you have been through a similar situation as myself. It has also been very, very difficult for me to forget the past and move on. I am constantly remembering what happened back then. It effects every relationship now. I feel the same way. I want to give my love out but I cannot trust the man I love to give me that love back. I expect it and want it so badly but abusive men can never quite love without hurting at the same time.

I don't expect a lot from my men but a big qualification is being loved back and in a healthy way. There is no way to cut back on the expectations we have set because they are the way things have to be. Your man should love you and respect you and you should always feel cared about.

The man you were with before and the man I was with both take a toll on everything. I cried in my car and in my bedroom and sometimes even in the middle of the day. It was very hard to hide for a very long time it just hurts. I don't believe you would be provoking a new partner that's just a feeling women who have been abused feel especially if we believe it's our fault. I still have anger at that man and I don't believe it will ever go away but the idea is moving on slowly and healing. Be happy spend time with family and friends and now you have power and knowledge. You know what an unhealthy relationship looks like so you can look at a man and have a general idea whether he is going to hurt you. Next time, hopefully there won't be a next time, you'll be able to stop the relationship in it's tracks.

Good luck, every woman deserves to be loved and it's fine to have expectations it's your right to.

[talaniman]

Hi Manga, You may not believe this but it sounds to me as if your healing rather well, and just need more time doing whatever your doing.

Much easier to be alone and love myself and friends

Obviously this is working for you, so why change. Not only do you show that your pro actively dealing with your emotions rather well, but have a clear plan of action, so don't doubt yourself, be patient, and keep loving yourself as your healthy as it is, but getting better. Chin up, and do something good for yourself, as you have obviously come a ways.